The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!
by Odeena Sabnach
Summary: Direct sequel to 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic'. Seing as writing fics seems a lot of fun, more LotR characters want stories of their own. And since yours truely can't handle that many requests alone, the Fellowship decide to start writing thei
1. It begins

The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker

Chapter 1: It begins…

Rumors travel fast around my house. I had no doubt that everyone would know all about the events of the previous night, starting with Legolas doing my homework in exchange for a decent fic and ending with the elf unexpectedly become my boyfriend. I knew that I was in for a lot of stares and stiffed giggles; however, I had _no idea of what was coming to me…_

The next morning, I woke up with a headache. Not a light one, mind you, but a terrible one that made me want to bang my head against the wall until I would knock myself out. Thankfully, Boromir had foreseen it, and therefore he popped in shortly after I woke up, with a glass of hot chocolate and an aspirin. A quarter of hour later, I was feeling better. I got out of bed, thanked Boromir and sent him his way; then, I got dressed, combed my hair (a thing which took out at least ten minutes, since my hair never stays the way I want it to), then prepared for school. As I was stuffing some notebooks in my rucksack, I caught a glimpse of the school bus pulling over in front of my house, and I rushed out. As I ran down the stairs, nearly tripping over Gollum in the process, I thought I heard some giggles, but I didn't pay any attention to them, as my mind was set on the bus alone.

After a particularly tough day at school (thankfully, Legolas's homework was OK - I even got an A in physics!), I eventually half-crawled out of the overcrowded school bus and up to the front door of my house. Two very excited hobbits were playing some sort of baseball on the lawn. When they saw me, they both gave a shriek of glee and rushed to me, nearly knocking me over.

"So, is it true?" Pippin asked breathlessly.

I leaned against the door with a sigh. "What's true?"

Merry giggled and elbowed Pip. Pip looked at me hopefully. "That you - and Legolas - y'know…"

I narrowed my eyes. "_What about_ me and the elf?"

"Kissed!" Merry interjected anxiously. 

"Did you?" Pip chimed happily.

My jaw dropped. The same moment, the door I was leaning against opened, and I fell through. Thank Heavens the carpet in the hall was soft. Immediately, a dozen different voices burst into fits of laughter.

"Yeah, hello to you, too", I shouted angrily, jumping up and waving my schoolbag around menacingly (I narrowly missed Pippin's head). Then I noticed something odd: more than a dozen of the guys were sitting on the floor on a bunch of colored cushions, holding clipboards and various writing instruments. I glared at them, an eyebrow flying up. "What are you guys up to…?"

Elrond, who was the only one sitting in an armchair, ceremoniously stood up. "Dear girl, welcome to the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers."

I tilted my head to one side and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. "The - what?"

"Well, Faramir was just telling us about last night", Aragorn started, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable. "How you wrote all those fics and stuff", he went on, and I relaxed slightly. "So we thought - hell, why shouldn't we try it? By the way, that was a direct quote from Boromir. I don't use words like 'hell' in my sentences."

"Okay…" I drawled. "So what exactly are you _writing_, hmm?"

"Anything we feel like", a very excited Sam cut in. "For instance, I can write about my garden--"

"We haven't written anything yet", Legolas interrupted him. "We were just starting."

"Oh. Well, in that case", I said,  "you don't mind if I join you, do you?"

A vibrating chorus of 'No's came as the reply. I chuckled, then I sat down on the nearest cushion - incidentally or not, in between Legolas and Haldir, the latter giving me a surprised look - and I took out a pen, a notebook and a bag of chips. 

"On my mark", Elrond said. "You have fifteen minutes - begin."

At the same time, thirteen different stories began to take shape.

__________________________

_A/N: This story is a direct sequel to my other LOTR fanfic, Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic. There's much more evil stuff_ coming (insert maniac laughter here - BWAHAHA!), so stay tuned - and, of course, review! Here are the review answers for Chapter 8 of L&TRMF:__

**_Samus:_**_ The alien landing site was Area 51… still, who says there isn't an Area 31 out there as well? ^_^ Oh, and you're reading my fics in the library? Tut… that could get you in trouble… Be careful not to laugh too loud, OK? ^_^_

**_Lady Hael: _**_Well, as long as you have your Dante, there's nothing to worry about! ^_^ And about the Trig Book of Doom… Good Lord, of course I want it! I've always wanted one of those! ^_^_

**_Kaya:_**_ Really? Well, in that case I'd better run for my life :P Here's a suggestion: ask Haldir to join you. He's been meaning to get his revenge on me for not making **him** the main character of this story for ages. I'm sure he'll agree. :D_

**_Stewardess of Gondor:_**_ Now you and Faramir be good in there… and be sure to get a flashlight and two tanks of oxygen, just in case you get stuck in… wherever the 'quiet, secluded place' is XD By the way, remember to feed the rest of the Fellowship at least three times a day (except for the hobbits, who need at least five good meals), and keep Gollum away from any fish tanks or ant farms you may have. _

**_laegoleaf:_**_ To quote Celine Dion (with a small modification, of course), 'My fic will go on…' XD_

**_Undomiel: _**_Thanks! Yes, I think it was very sweet of Legolas to want to kiss me, too… *dreamy sigh* err, I mean - *mutters* dang, I broke another rule - NEVER fall in love with a fictional character. *loudly* But… I guess that this once it's OK to break it… *giggle*_

**_ApocalypticPyro:_**_ Devoted fan…? Wow! Thanks! Well, that's one reason for which I didn't finish the story… and the reviewers sympathizing with the elf is the second ^_^_

**_Lendlaer:_**_ Thank you! And Legolas says thanks for the kiss, too! ^_^_


	2. Some people never learn

The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker

Chapter 2: Some people never learn...

We had been writing for fifteen minutes or so, when my cellphone, which had miraculously gotten into my rucksack (although I had been pretty sure it was still under my bed where I left it) began to emit that very happy melody which announces that you've got an(other) incoming call. I sighed, then set aside my pen and my notebook and took the phone out.

"Yo'."

"Odeena? Hi, it's Paul. I--"

"Wrong number." I had used this line so many times that it was becoming an automatism. "Sorry."

"Wait, don't hang up! This isn't about _you-know-what_! This is serious!"

"Okay, speak up. You've got precisely 2.9 seconds, starting - now."

"Our science project."

My eyebrows flew up, pretty much like Elrond's when he didn't understand something and felt it was below his dignity to ask. "What about it?"

"Well, we're seriously falling behind with it, so I was thinking we could meet today and get it over with."

I sighed, "Can't we do our parts separately and then combine them?"

"Err, no, I don't think so."

"Okay then, how about I send you what I wrote via e-mail and you--"

"We must observe the experiment _ together_."

"Okay, web-cam then?"

He groaned. "Look, I know you'd gladly drive a stake through my heart, but now's not the time for it. How about we meet tonight, my place?"

"_My_ place. At six. And don't you _dare_ be late. The sooner we get this over with, the better."

"Okay, see you then."

"Yeah, bye." I tossed my cellphone back in my rucksack and cursed under my breath.

"What's not a nice thing to say for a lady", Haldir said with a sly grin.

Damn elven senses. "None of your business, elf."

He snickered. "What's that project about, anyway?"

I shrugged. "Chemistry project. Paul's the best, I'm the worst, no idea how we ended up stuck together."

"Paul? As in, last-night-guy Paul?"

I threw Boromir a dirty look, "Shut up". Too late. Everyone was already staring at me. Great... Right then, I hated Boromir almost as much as I hated Paul. I made a mental note to write a really nasty fic about him, then took a deep breath and steeled myself for the avalanche of questions which was sure to come.

"Finished!"

"Gimli, you're a real angel", I muttered, as everyone's attention turned to the dwarf. "I love you."

Haldir raised his eyebrows, "You really mean that?"

"Shut up, elf."

"She used to tell me that a lot", Legolas supplied casually.

"Oh... yeah." Haldir made a face, then turned his attention back to Gimli, who was giving a brief summary of his fic.

"It's about Aragorn - no ofence there, lad. Essentially, Aragorn wants to get a job in Rivendell, so he and Arwen can get together. Quiet, everyone - I'll start reading now."

"Sounds interesting", I muttered to Legolas as I shifted to make myself more comfortable. 

The elf shrugged. "Well, it beats weekday afternoon TV programs, anyway."

"That's a given", I said with a small chuckle.

"Ssh!"

**_Some people never learn..._**

_'Wanted. Capable man or woman, able to handle any type of office work, typing, cleaning and coffee making included. Knowledge of Elvish is required. Call 1-800-ELROND.' Aragorn skimmed quickly through the rest of the job adds column, then picked up his cellphone and dialed 1-800-ELROND._

_"Hello", answered a very annoyed voice, "you've reached Rivendell."_

_"Um, hi. I'm calling for the job add. You said you wanted a--"_

_"Secretary?"_

_"Well, that's not what the add says, but I suppose--"_

_"Good!" said the voice, whose owner was apparently determined not to let Aragorn say a whole sentence. "What's your name?"_

_"Aragorn... I mean, no, Aragog."_

_"Aragog? Are you that giant spider from 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?'"_

_"What? No, of course not!"_

_"Oh. Well then, Aragog, you're hired. Come to Rivendell at once, I'll be expecting you."_

_"O... kay..." Aragorn set down his cellphone, then took a shower, put on his best suit, combed his hair, put on a pair of glasses and zoomed off._

**_(Later...)_**

_"Where the hell's the doorbell of this place?" Aragorn wondered aloud as he entered the beautiful garden of Rivendell._

_"It's out of order."_

_Aragorn jumped and turned quickly, his hand reaching for where the hilt of his sword should have been. Elrond raised his eyebrows at this. "So, you're a fighter then?"_

_"Yes! I mean, no! I mean, I'm Aragorn... err, Aragog. I'm here for the--"_

_"Ooh! Right! Aragog! The new secretary!"_

_"Technically, yes, but--"_

_"Right then, follow me!"_

_Aragorn sighed, then let Elrond lead him down to his office. "Well now, Aragog, sit down", said the elven lord, pointing to a very comfy-looking chair in front of a computer screen. "I must write an urgent e-mail to Lothlorien, and you shall be my typist."_

_"Right." Aragorn shifted uncomfortably. He could hardly see anything through his glasses. "But, umm, can you take it slow? I have rheumathysm."_

_"Sure thing. So: Dearest Galadriel..."_

_"Hold on. D, E, A..."_

_Elrond raised an eyebrow again, then went on. "I am sorry to have delayed my answer so, but-- Aragog, 'delayed' isn't spelled like that. It's 'd-e-l-a-y-e-d'."_

_"Oh. Sorry." Aragorn pushed back his glasses with one hand as he made the necessary corrections with the other. He still couldn't see a thing._

_"No problem. Go on: but more pressing matters... Aragog, 'pressing' with a double 's'. And it's 'matters', not 'matress'."_

_"Sorry again." Aragorn corrected his typos. "Yes?"_

_"More pressing matters... wait, don't write that again!"_

_"Sorry yet again."_

_"Don't say 'sorry', just don't make mistakes!"_

_"Sorr--I mean, yes?"_

_"--have arisen in Rivendell--"_

_"Wait, was I supposed to write that?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Oh."_

_"...'Rivendell' isn't spelled 'Reavendle'."_

_"Sorry."_

_"Argh..."_

**_(Much later...)_**

_"Yours faithfully... 'f-a-i-t-h-f-u-l-l-y'..."_

_"Yes?"_

_"Elrond."_

_"Finished!" Aragorn grinned, "What next?"_

_"Nothing. You're fired."_

_"...what? Oh, come on! Why?"_

_"Well, **Aragorn**, don't think I didn't recognize you from the start. This is the fifth time you're trying to get a job in Rivendell so that you can secretly date Arwen. For the last time, she's too good for you, so give it up already."_

_"Never." Aragorn sat up. "I **will** marry her in the end. You'll see."_

_"No you won't."_

_"Yes I will." Aragorn made an attempt at a heroic exit, but since he was still wearing his glasses, he crashed into the closed door and knocked himself out._

_The end._

As soon as Gimli read the last word, everyone broke into loud cheers, including myself. I never knew Gimli had such a tallent in writing parodies. Boromir and Faramir were laughing their heads off, Arwen was chuckling, and even Aragorn was clapping his hands loudly. Then, as everyone settled down, he spoke.

"Good one, Gimli."

"And accurate", Elrond cut in. "He did try to get a job in Rivendell once."

"As a secretary?"

"No, as the janitor."

Everyone cracked up. Then, Aragorn spoke again.

"Okay, my turn. Incidentally, I wrote a story about my good friends Gimli and Legolas here."

"Not again..." Legolas groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Aragorn, have mercy, I've been getting so many fics last night that I--"

"'Last night' again? Seems to me there was a lot of activity we missed", Arwen cut in. "What have you boys been up to?"

"Not again..." I muttered. 

"Well, nothing... nothing much", Legolas said after casting a quick glance in my direction ."So, Aragorn, about that story...?"

"Yes, just a few more lines to go and I'm done."

"Right."

Once again, we all fell silent and resumed writing. On the other hand, Gimli, who now had nothing else to do, went to the kitchen for a well-deserved treat.

___________

Author's Note: New chapter! ^_^ And the next one is going to be absolutely evil... sorry to all the Legolas fans out there, but the elf is in for it again... But since it wasn't my idea but Aragorn's, I guess I'm cleared of all charges now... right? And thanks for reviewing go to:

_**DiamondTook3:** Well, this was a first glimpse of the evil ideas the Fellowship can muster. Stay tuned for more._

_**ApocalypticPyro:** A party in honor of my story? Thanks! Nobody did that before! :) Anyway, hope you didn't have to wait long!_

_**laegoleaf:** Here's more! ^_^ Even *more* to come!_


	3. Interlude: Not again!

The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard) - these two pennames are seriously starting to give me headaches... O_o

Interlude: Not again...

***Real (yeah, right!) life***

Odeena: *sits down in front of a computer and works on the next chapter of "The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers"*

?: Knock, knock!

Odeena: Who's there?

?: Legolas.

Odeena: *sigh* Elf, the answer was supposed to be 'Merry'!

Legolas: *comes in* Why? My name's not Merry!

Odeena: *rolls eyes* Ever heard of a joke?

Legolas: *looks utterly confused*

Odeena: ...Never mind. Can I help you?

Legolas: *looks for a chair where to sits down, then sighs and leans against the wall* Well, I heard some... rumors.

Odeena: Go on...?

Legolas: Rumors that said you were working on a sequel for "Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic". 

Odeena: Really? *thinks* Rumors sure travel fast around here... *loudly* Umm... what if those rumors were true?

Legolas: *quickly* If those rumors were true, I'd cut my hair, get myself a robe and go hide in a monastery in Tibet for the rest of my life. 

Odeena: Really, elf? Geez, that would be a shame... what would all the reviewers think?

Legolas: I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I'm most popular among them, but -- what?

Odeena: *snicker* Narcissist.

Legolas: Am not!

Odeena: Anyway, here. *hands Legolas a pair of scissors* You'll find my mum's bathrobe in the closet in my mum&dad's bedroom, and I'll give you enough money for a ticket to Tibet. Come on now, hurry up, chop-chop!

Legolas: *stares blankly at the pair of scissors* Does that mean... what I think it means?

Odeena: *giggles and points to the computer screen*

Legolas: Wait... this can't be! You promissed!

Odeena: Yeah, but the reviewers liked the fic so much I _had_ to do a sequel! 

Legolas: *glares darkly at a bunch of imaginary reviewers* _You_! Just let me get my bow and arrows! You'll regret it!

Odeena: Umm... there's no one there, Legolas...

Legolas: Oh. Right. *sigh* So what else is new?

Odeena: You're not going to Tibet?

Legolas: No.

Odeena: Pity. Oh well, let me check my review log.

Legolas: *mutters* Elbeterth save me...

Odeena: *giggles* Sorry, Elbereth is on vacation. So anyway, Lendlaer sends you a big kiss, Linwe kindly asks for kiss from you...

Legolas: No more!

Odeena: ...not to mention Filia Regalis, who wants me to give you a nice kiss...

Legolas: Nnnnnoooo!!! *runs off screaming*

Odeena: *glares at the Legolas-shaped hole in the door, then shrugs and resumes typing*

___________

Author's Note: _Wowee, so many reviews again! Thank you, thank you very much! It really means a lot to me to know that people actually like my stories! This is my very first interlude, hope you find it as amusing as the other chapters :) Chap 3 is in the works, and will probably be done by next week. Here are the review responses:_

_**DiamondTook3:** I updated! Hope you liked the story and thanks for reviewing!_

_**ApocalypticPyro:** You have an ex named Paul? Well, how's that for a coincidence! O_o Anyway, as you saw, there was nothing slashy about the fic. I don't write slash. By the way... just thinking, can I come at the next party you hold at the Green Dragon? I might bring the Fellowship with me, too! Hmm... here's an idea for a nice interlude... *evil thoughts begin to take shape inside Anne's mind*_

_**Linwe:** Well, I'm pretty sure Legolas would appreciate you saving him from all the evil fanfics. I'll ask him if he'd like to give you a kiss... maybe I'll write it as a subplot in that interlude I was telling ApocalypticPyro about..._

_**Kekelina:** Now that you saw what he wrote, do you like it? I hope you do! _

_**Filia Regalis:** Sure I'll give him one... if he lets me! ^_^ Glad you like my story!_

_**Kendria Erleine:** Sure thing! So it's Elladan, Elrohir and Eowyn you want to be in the story... Eowyn is already in the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers - as for Elladan and Elrohir, they'll be in soon, too! And thanks for reviewing 'Legolas and the really messed-up fanfic!', too! Glad you liked the story about the cake!_


	4. Differences

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!'~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 3: Differences

For the next five minutes, everyone wrote on. I, for one, was having a tough time with my fic, and many times I found myself staring at nothing, as all sorts of things went through my mind, many of which had nothing to do with writing fics or sitting next to an elf who was adored by half the planet. Well, not _ exactly_ half the planet, but you get the picture, right? I was thinking about Paul, and I was positively dreading meeting him tonight. But, duty before pleasure. _And fanfic writing before any of the two_, I said to myself sternly as I resumed writing once again.

But I wasn't the only one who was having some difficulties at the moment. Legolas was also staring at nothing. Gollum was chewing the end of his pen thoughtfully, and occasionally muttering nonsense to himself. Boromir was doodling abstract shapes on his sheet of paper, his eyes half closed. 

"Hello...? What's going on here?"

I started, and so did everyone else. Elladan and Elrohir had come into the room unnoticed, and were now looking at us questioningly, eyebrows raised. Elladan had his arms full of envelopes, and by the look of it, I guessed that he had brought in today's fan mail.

Elrond sat up ceremoniously. "Elladan, Elrohir, welcome to the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers."

Elrohir frowned. "And that means..."

"We all write stories about each other. It's really fun, you two should try it, too."

Elrohir smiled at Eowyn and sat down next to her, taking a small notebook and a ball pen from his pocket. "Okay."

"Right..." Elladan glared at his brother, then sighed. "Anyway, I have some letters for you..." This caused some commotion. "Let's see now... Legolas." A pink envelope with hearts all over it flew towards the elf, and Legolas caught it in mid-air. "Legolas." Another envelope, this time with a silver angel clumsily drawn on it. "Haldir. Legolas. Legolas. Legolas." Three more letters went to the elf. "Aragorn. Boromir. Aragorn. Frodo. The King of Gondor - this probably means you, Aragorn. Odeena. Gollum... talk about unexpected things... Arwen. Eowyn. Aragorn. Sam. Legolas."

It took Elladan about five minutes to share all the letters around. Then, he took a pen and a clipboard from a desk and sat down between Arwen and Faramir. 

"Finished!" Aragorn announced suddenly, beaming around at us. "Okay, here's a teaser for my fic", he went on, his voice sounding like he was speaking in 'Fast-forward' mode. "It takes place during that chase at the beginning of TTT, when Legolas, Gimli and I are hunting for the orcs that took Merry and Pippin. Essentially, it's about Gimli, Legolas and their conflicts, and I must say that this is somewhat inspired from real events... by the way, I'm not playing a major part in it because the idea is that I was out scouting or something, otherwise these two would have kept their temper in check. Besides, I don't want to be blamed of narcissism."

"Just get on with it!" a very anxious Faramir cut in. 

"Okay." Aragorn took a deep breath. "Here goes."

_Differences_

_"Ouch!"_

_Legolas stirred in his sleep, opened his eyes, then closed them again and turned his back on Gimli, muttering something about a 'stupid dwarf' and 'no respect for anything except for himself'. However, before he could go back to sleep, another high-pitched "Ouch!" tingled his sensitive pointy ears. He tried to ignore it, but all his hopes of getting a decent sleep vanished moments later when a third "Ouch!" made him grit his teeth and draw in a hissed breath._

_Conjuring up all the elven patience he could muster, Legolas turned around and propped himself on one elbow. "Gimli... for mercy's sake, what in Elbereth's name are you **doing**?"_

_The dwarf glared at him. "Combing my - OW! - beard, what the blazes does it - OUCH! - look like I'm - OW! - doing?"_

_"Uh-huh..." Legolas shook his head. "Well, do you think that you could - you know - keep it down? I mean, I don't see any reason that you should wake up half of Middle Earth while you're at it..."_

_Gimli growled something like, "Easy for you to speak", then resumed his labor._

_"Whatever", replied Legolas, whose elven ears had picked up Gimli's words as clear as if he were shouting them. "Where's Aragorn?"_

_"Scouting."_

_**Figures**, Legolas thought. **Without even considering that I could be a much better scout than him. After all, I am an elf, and he's only mortal...**_

_"OWEE! Blazes, this is more pain than I deserve!..."_

_Legolas rolled his eyes. In these conditions, he couldn't hope to get a decent sleep. He sat up and sighed. Then, he looked up. The moon was bright and full, and the sight of it calmed down his anger. He contemplated it silently, until Gimli's cursing brought him back to reality. He thought of several replies, all of which would have made a sailor blush, but his common sense got the best of him. _

_"Gimli, listen..."_

_"Finished!" the dwarf announced proudly, shoving his comb back in the pocket of his tunic. "Sorry to have awoken you, Legs."_

_"**Legs**?!" The elf glared. "Please, don't call me that."_

_"Okay, Legsie."_

_"...or that."_

_Gimli frowned. "What should I call you then?"_

_"Legolas. Just Legolas. Is that too much to ask?"_

_"Umm, no... Okay, Legsie, you're on. Whoops, I mean, Legolas."_

_Legolas sighed. Then he took a small comb out of his pocket and began to untangle his long hair, occasionally making a grimace. _

_"You know, you could scream your head off", Gimli advised. "I mean, it's not like anyone's going to hear you."_

_"I have my dignity", the elf replied. "Besides, it's not like we're after a band of blood-thirsty Uruk-Hai now, is it?"_

_"Oh."_

_After he finished with that, Legolas took a small piece of lembas out of his pocket and looked at his compaion enquiringly._

_"No, thanks", Gimli said. "I'm not hungry."_

_"You don't like elven stuff", Legolas said with a sigh. _

_"No."_

_"Right." Legolas began to eat, and Gimli started to sharpen his axe. Not long after, a very weary-looking Aragorn seemingly appeared out of nowhere between the two._

_"The orcs are way ahead of us", he announced. "We have to get moving."_

_Legolas chocked on a piece of lembas. Gimli dropped his axe._

_"And just when I was getting used to peace and quiet", the dward complained as the trio resumed their pursuit. "Not that I'm complaining or anything..."_

_Aragorn and Legolas exchanged a glance, and then they both smirked._

_~ The end ~_

And sure enough, after the proverbial end, everyone broke into cheers once again. 

"He wasn't _that_ annoying", Legolas whispered to me. "But we weren't sitting on roses, either."

"Good one", Gimli said, patting Aragorn on the back. "Although we weren't that bad."

"Says you..." Aragorn muttered, and this caused another wild fit of laughter from the rest of the Fellowship.

"So, who's next?" Elrond asked. "Has anyone else finished?"

"Just a little more..." Arwen muttered, scribling frantically.

"Almost there..." Eowyn seconded.

"Oh, great", Haldir whispered to me. "I see a cat fight ahead."

___________

Author's Note: Well, looks like my readers generally liked the interlude, judging by the lovely reviews I received yet again! Thanks! You guys are SO sweet! All of you! Huggies! And here are the review responses:

** _Filia Regalis_:**_ Confusing? ...okay, if you say so... I wrote it around 2 AM, so I could blame the randomness and possible incoherence on that. What can I do? That's the only time when I can write in peace - that is, without having to answer the phone, go buy something, do chores etc. every five minutes :)_

**Kendria Erleine:** Thanks! I love to write humor - and that's because I love to make people smile! ...or roll on the floor with laughter, their choice :) Like I said, I write mostly at night, when I'm half asleep, and sometimes, when I re-read what I wrote during the previous night, I can hardly believe that *I* came up with such ideas :))

Crystalline4: Glad you liked the 'Faramir-and-the-cake' story, so far it seems to be my most popular LotR fic/chapter yet! And Legolas says thanks for the kiss, too!

ApocalypticPyro: I definitely feel special! ^_^ I'm seriously thinking about that 'Green Dragon Party' interlude now - and I've already got some ideas, including Legolas, Haldir, Chinese food and Faramir chasing Aragorn around with chopsticks because... wait, I'm not going to spoil the surprise just yet. Stay tuned! And - this is for all reviewers - if you want to appear in the 'GDP' interlude, say it in your reviews! You can also say who you'd like to meet, what you'd like to happen etc. For I'm the Almighty Authoress and I Can Make Your Dreams ome True! *poses like Jim Carrey in 'Bruce Almighty'* Muahahahaha! 


	5. What Lord Elrond of Rivendell, Great Elv...

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at http://rev.fineststars.com) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 4: What Lord Elrond of Rivendell, Great Elven Hero, did before the battle with the Dark Lord's armies

"Finished!" Arwen and Eowyn cried at the same time. A second later, Galadriel, who had hardly said two words in the past half an hour, said, "I'm done, too." Then, the three ladies glared at each other. Aragorn immediately got up and left under some ridiculous pretext. Boromir chuckled.

"This is _so_ not good", Legolas whispered to no-one in particular. "_So_ not good", he repeated, twitching a lock of hair between his fingers.

"Are you kidding? This is the best entertainment I've had in ages!" Haldir replied, sounding slightly hurt. "Come on, Legolas, lighten up!"

"Entertainment indeed", I muttered, glancing concernedly towards the trio. "Until someone gets hurt."

"Excuse me..." Boromir interjected. "Will I get torn to bloody shreds and fed to orcs and cave trolls if I say I'm done too?" he asked with mocking concern.

"Wait your turn", Arwen snapped.

"Yes, brother, have you no manners?" Faramir asked, not wanting to miss the chance. "Ladies _always _go first."

"Even in battle?" Boromir replied with a mischievous grin. "I didn't know _that_."

"Boromir of Gondor, you're an idiot", Galadriel stated matter-of-factly.

"Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien, you couldn't have spoken fairer words. I _am _an idiot - and _proud_ of it. Anyway, I think Elrond should decide who goes first, since I-don't-know-who died and put him in charge. Elrond?"

"Daddy...?" Arwen asked tentatively. "Aren't I your most precious daughter?"

"My precious..." Gollum hissed quietly. "Yes, precious..." He was having another conversation with himself.

"Lord Elrond...?" Galadriel asked, sounding ever so sweet.

"My lord...?" Eowyn asked shyly. 

"I guess that means I don't stand a chance", Boromir said with a sigh. 

Elrond glared at each of the four in turn, then stood up, his Magical Eyebrows going up and down as he did so. Then, he spoke, "As the leader of the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers, I have decided that the next man to read a story--" Boromir winked to Galadriel and grinned widely, while Arwen and Eowyn both looked ready to tear him apart "--is _me_."

There was a brief moment of silence, then a loud chorus of "Whaaaaat?", and finally a loud snicker from Elladan and Elrohir. Elrond went on.

"You see, I have also finished my story, and I would like to go first."

Boromir sighed, "You're the boss." 

Elrond nodded with a grin and sat back down. However, the ladies were not going to give up that easy. After a few minutes of threats, begs and promisses, Elrond set his pen aside, visibly annoyed, and cleared his throat. Everyone's attention turned to him.

"My story", he began, "is set in the days of old."

"Wake me up when he's done", Haldir said, leaning his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes. Legolas glared daggers at him for a second, then purposefully took my hand in his. I rolled my eyes.

"More specifically", Elrond went on, "it takes place on the eve of the final battle with the Dark Lord's forces."

"Does it have any heroic epic stuff?" Sam asked, jerking his head up. "I like that stuff!" Frodo gave him an annoyed look and shook his head.

"Well, not necessarily. You'll see."

That was the signal. All other conversations stopped, and Elrond began to read.

_What Lord Elrond of Rivendell, Great Elven Hero, did before the battle with the Dark Lord's armies_

_"My Lord, the sun is fading. We should rest here for the night."_

_I looked around. I was surrounded by my fighters, all able elves, who smiled and bowed their heads whenever my gaze rested upon one of them. I was their leader, their general, their king. They adored me, and would not hesitate to give their lives for me if need be. I, in turn, loved them all as if they were my own children. I looked back at Glorfindel._

_"Very well, my friend", he smiled at this and bowed his head. "We shall camp here."_

_"Yes, Master." Glorfindel bowed his head again, and then went to give the necessary orders. I jumped off my horse and landed in an elegant crouch, and then I went to find a suitable place where I should have my tent erected. As soon as I gave the order, twenty eager elves hastened to obey, and the job was done in a matter of minutes. _

_After having settled in, I called for my generals. We ate together, and of course everyone liked the food that I had personally cooked a few days earlier. Then, we had a story-telling contest, which I won, naturally. After that, I beckoned them to leave, and went to sleep. I could do so with no worries, for I had twenty fierce elves guarding me day and night, as their love for me was so great they could not stand to let me out of their sight._

_The next day, I awoke fresh and ready. I put on my mithril armor, crafted by the great King of Dwarves himself, and gave the necessary orders. Then, we set off._

_Today, we would kick some orc butt._

_The end_

"There", Elrond said proudly. "Well? What do you think?"

We all exchanged glares, then Boromir cleared his throat.

"Elrond", he began carefully, choosing his words. "You - do have a way with words, I agree. But are you sure - that this is, truly, how everything happened?"

"And why wouldn't I be?" Elrond asked, his eyebrows going up so high that they almost got lost in his hair. 

"Nothing, never mind..." Boromir snickered. "So, who's next?"

Haldir snored loudly. "Better be something more entertaining", he then whispered. I giggled.

"That's it? Nothing more to say about my story?"

We muttered words of approval and praises; some of us even clapped their hands. 

"As it turns out", Legolas said philosophically, "many elves are narcissists, and there are many narcissists who aren't elves. Or something." He chuckled. "Can't wait to see what happens next."

I sighed. "I got a feeling it's going to be worse than a nuclear strike, elf", I said, shaking my head. "Much, much, much worse."

___________

Author's Note: New chapter! *does 'New Chapter' dance* Sorry for the long wait again... my excuse is that I've been playing BloodRayne like mad for the past few days - and now I got DEFIANCE! *does 'I-got-Defiance' dance* Also, I saw LOTR: ROTK, and all I can say is - wow. If you haven't seen it yet, you'd better do it now. It's absolutely WONDERFUL! Thanks for reviewing go to:

ApocalypticPyro: Yup, anyone. Sounds fun, ne? ^_^ Thanks for the idea!

**Kekelina**: Well, you'll have to wait a little longer... but don't worry, both stories will be really... well, random ^_^ After all, random humor is what I'm famous for. Right...?

_**Kendria Erleine:** I hope I'll be a writer one day... as a matter of fact, I'm working on a humorous novel called 'HEY! (A tale of students and... other stuff)', and I hope I'll publish it by the end of the year. *crosses fingers* And, I read and reviewed your fanfic. (This is for other people: Kendria's fanfic is pretty interesting, so you may want to read it, too! *hint, hint*)_

_**Linwe:** It's OK if you miss to review a chapter, as long as you read it and like it. I don't know where all this stuff comes from... I just get all sorts of crazy ideas all the time. I spoke to Legolas, and he says it's OK if you call him Leggy, as long as you don't try to kiss him. He doesn't seem so enthusiastic about the idea of a kiss from anyone right now, but I'll see if I can talk him into accepting a little one from you ^_^_

_**Morwen de Cearo:** Thank you for your very lovely review! :) As for your questions, here are the answers: one - yes, Galadriel is in the Fellowship, as you probably read already :); two, I'll have to think about it... I mean, he's really good in physics and maths, and I'm not *sniff*; and three, well... it's all thanks to my Amazing Authoress' Powers. I can do anything! :) _


	6. Some things are better left unchanged

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at http://rev.fineststars.com) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 5:  Some things are better left unchanged

"Elrond, are you going to make up your mind this _century_?" Galadriel asked, glaring daggers at the elf lord. "You've been staring at nothing for..." she checked her watch, "three minutes and thirty-nine seconds!"

"Forty-one", Boromir advised innocently. Galadriel gave him a Look, and then shrugged and resumed glaring daggers at Elrond.

"I'm still thinking", Elrond answered, his eyebrows knitting together in a frown. "This is a really tough decision, you know."

"Well then, think _faster_", Arwen suggested sweetly. "It's quite simple, really. All you have to do is pick one of us."

"And get mauled by the other two", Boromir added with a wide grin. "It's not that hard."

Elrond's head jerked up, then he snapped his fingers in an 'I got it!' sort of way. "All right then, _you_ choose", he said.

Boromir glared at Elrond, jaw hanging. "What...?"

"As the leader of the Fellowship of the Fanfic-Writers, I ask you to choose in my place."

"Who knew Elrond could be _that_ evil?" Legolas whispered to me, while Haldir chuckled wildly. I shrugged.

Boromir swallowed hard, then looked around helplessly. "Umm... why don't we draw straws?" he suggested hopefully.

"No", Arwen stated flatly. "Choose."

Boromir flinched. "Okay then, I choose... err... choose... I choose Faramir to choose for me. I can do that, can't I?" he added, looking at Elrond. The elf lord nodded.

Eowyn rolled her eyes, and Arwen slapped her forehead. As for Galadriel, she just made a face. Faramir looked around nervously. "First of all, let me tell all of you that right now I'd gladly impale Boromir on a spear and then flay him, take out his heart and have it for lunch." 

There was a choir of evil giggling at that. Boromir grinned indulgently. "Yeah, I love you too,_ little_ brother", he said, giving Faramir a noogie. "Now choose."

"Well, since we got married in the books and I've been having a crush on her for about seven seconds, I choose Eowyn. Don't hurt me!" he yelped, hiding behind his brother as both Arwen and Galadriel glared daggers at him.

"So it stays then", Elrond said in that 'I'm-in-charge-and-I-say-so' voice of his. "Eowyn, kindly proceed to read your story please. The rest of you, listen, then make your comments and suggestions."

"I hate it when he does that", I whispered to Legolas.

"When who does what?" the elf replied, obviously not having listened to everything that had been said in the past five minutes.

"When Elrond bosses us around like that", I supplied. The elf just shrugged.

Eowyn looked triumphantly at Arwen and Galadriel, and then straightened up her shoulders. "I wrote about Arwen", she said, "and about how some things should be left the way they are supposed to be. We all know that Glorfindel, and not Arwen, was the one supposed to rescue Frodo from the Ring Wraiths. Well, this is my explanation as to how this happened."

Arwen snorted loudly. Eowyn smiled sweetly at her, and then she began to read.

_Some things are better left unchanged_

_"Well, that beats everything I've heard in the last five hundred years", Elladan said loudly, making his younger brother Elrohir start and glare at him curiously. "When Hell freezes solid", Elladan added, crumpling the note he had been reading and throwing it out the window. "Or maybe not even then. Come to think of it, never. Never ever." _

_An offended 'Hey!, came from outside, and moments later the note flew back through the window and hit Elrohir, who had been trying to read a book for the past five minutes and failed thanks to his brother's half, straight in the head. Elrohir sighed, and then picked up the note and unfolded the paper. He began to read it, then he paused and glared at his brother._

_"He can't be serious", the younger elf said._

_"That's precisely my point", Elladan agreed heatedly._

_"...but Glorfindel isn't the one to joke about such things."_

_Elladan groaned and rubbed his temples, "In that case, I'm emigrating to Gondor. Or even better, Moria. That way he won't find me."_

_Elrohir shook his head. "Hate to disappoint you, but he can."_

_"Right..." Elladan collapsed in a chair, then let out a dramatic sigh. "Why me?" he asked, throwing his arms up. "Valar, why me?"_

_"Essentially, because you're the most skilled rider in Rivendell. Well, the second most skilled rider in Rivendell, after Glorfindel himself. Besides, Asfaloth used to be your horse. Why did you give him to Glorfindel, anyway?"_

_Elladan groaned again. "I lost a bet. I don't want to talk about it. It was either that, or I had to dye my hair black, wear one of Elrond's old armors and pretend to be Aragorn for a week."_

_Elrohir made a face, "Ouch."_

_"I'll say." Elladan sighed. "Looks like I have no choice." He sat up slowly. "So... any idea where Arwen might be?"_

_Elrohir sat up as well. "No. But we could try starting with the study. Lately, she's been spending a lot of time there."_

**_Later..._**

"'Dear Elladan. Urgent matters require my presence in Mirkwood at once. I don't know how long I will be staying there. However, Elrond predicted that three days from now I will have to rescue a hobbit who will save the world. Since I will not be able to do that, Elrond suggested Arwen go in my place, and I agreed. Sadly though, Arwen can't ride a horse yet. So I ask you to teach her and send her when the time is right. And keep an eye out for Estel a.k.a. Strider, Aragorn and the Dunedain. I think he'll be trying to seduce Arwen again. Sincerely, Glorfindel.'" 

_Arwen glared at Elladan and Elrohir. "You're kidding", she said finally._

_Elladan and Elrohir shook their heads._

_"You have to be kidding", Arwen repeated, sounding slightly desperate now._

_The two shook their heads again._

_"I can't ride."_

_"We're going to fix that", Elrohir said sweetly._

_"We...?" Elladan asked, turning to look at his brother._

_"Well, you didn't think I'd let you have all the fun?" _

_"I hate you", Arwen said quietly as the two led her out of the study and to the stables._

**_Even later..._**

_"You can come closer, sis. He doesn't bite, you know."_

_Arwen peeked over Elrohir's shoulder. "Are you sure? He looks so... big!"_

_Elladan rolled his eyes. "Look, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way. Now get in that saddle, or I'll tell Elrond that you've been secretly meeting with Estel."_

_Arwen glared daggers at him, "You wouldn't."_

_"Of course I would", Elladan said. _

_Arwen pouted. "That's blackmail, you know. It's illegal."_

_"You can sue me after you've rescued the hobbit."_

_"Stupid hobbits..." Arwen muttered as she approached Asfaloth cautiously. "Did I say I hate you?" she asked as she hopped in the saddle, her left foot narrowly missing Elladan's face._

_Elladan grinned. "Yup."_

_"Good. Then I'll say it again, I hate you."_

**_Finally..._**

_"Okay, you're good to go. Remember, after you get the hobbit, return to the river, then say the magic words Elrond taught you and do some magical stuff to save his life. Got it?"_

_Arwen nodded, although the look on her face stated otherwise. Elladan grinned._

_"Okay then, you're good to go. Noro lim, Asfaloth!"_

_The great white horse nodded as if in comprehension, and then he took off. Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a look._

_"Do you think she's going to make it?" Elrohir asked._

_Elladan grinned. "Yeah. She'll do just fine."_

_"I hate youuuu!" came a pathetic cry, growing fainter and fainter until finally it died out. Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a look_

_~ The end ~_

Insert very loud, almost ear-splitting cheers here. 

"That was the best story yet!" Haldir shouted enthusiastically, clapping his hands like a mad man. Sorry, I mean, mad _elf_.

"Sequel! Sequel!" Faramir was rolling off, laughing his head off.

"Precious! Precious!" Gollum was shouting for no apparent reason.

Finally, after all the cheering died down, Elrond stood up. "Your story, my dear Eowyn, is astounding. I don't know how you know it, but that's exactly how things happened!"

"Almost exactly", Arwen cut in. "I did _not_ cry like that in the end!"

"No, you cried louder", Elrohir said, and everyone chuckled.

"Anyway, I say Arwen should read her story next, in compensation for... err... well, you get the point", Elrond said, his eyebrows wheezing in all directions again. Arwen?"

"Just a moment, father. I have some adjustments to make." Arwen grinned evilly, and then resumed writing.

"Can I read my story in the meantime?" Galadriel asked.

"I think I'll go get myself at treat." Before any of us could say anything, Elrond stood up and took off to the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind him.

___________

Author's Note: *peeks at reviewers from over Legolas' shoulder and waves* Hi! Sorry it took me so long to update! I promise you won't have to wait that long for the next chapter! I've already set out to work on the 'Green Dragon Party' interlude, and any ideas for it are welcome. If you wanna be in the interlude, now's the time to say it in your reviews, as well as what you'd like to do. Thanks for reviewing go to:

**Devie Saves: **Yeah, many times I wonder whatever runs through my head, too ^_^ And I have some good news - I spoke with Faramir, and he sends you a big kiss! As for Frodo, well... he's a little shy, but he sends you a little kiss, too! 

_**ApocalypticPyro:** Like I said, sorry if it takes me a while to update the FotFFW. I'm working on three different fanfics at the same time, and I try to update all of them regularly. I promise I'll try to write as fast as I can._

**Lobo Diablo**: Thanks!

**Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf: **?... (by the way, are you the same person as above?)


	7. The talents of a lady

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at http://rev.fineststars.com) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 6: The talents of a lady

Arwen was still scribbling on her clipboard, and Galadriel was still glaring daggers at everyone in turn. Elrond had long since returned from the kitchen, and right now he was pretending to be extremely interested in his left sleeve, since his eyebrows strangely motionless. 

I stiffled a yawn, and then I turned to Legolas. Much to my surprise, he shielded his clipboard from me and looked up in alarm.

"How much did you read?" he asked, and there was an unmistakable hint of alarm in his voice.

"Nothing", I answered, raising an eyebrow. "What are you writing, anyway?"

He sighed. "Nothing... I mean... it's coming out rather lame... I don't think I'll read it", he finished, looking at me miserably. "I just can't write!"

I rolled my eyes. "Legolas, I refuse to believe that. Whatever you wrote, it can't be that - 'lame', as you so elegantly put it. Now come on, let me take a peek."

He shook his head.

"Just one little peek...?" I pleaded, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeease?"

He shook his head again. "I can tell you what it's about", he added after a brief moment of thinking. 

"What is it?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

He leaned so close that I could practically hear his soft breath, and then whispered, "Romance."

I gave an incredulous cough. "_Romance_?" I repeated, dumbfolded.

"Ssh!" he pleaded, looking at me desperately. 

"O... kay..." Before I could say anything else, Arwen jumped to her feet suddenly, and cried, "Done!", so loud that I almost jumped up as well.

"Well, I can't wait to hear... whatever you wrote", Eowyn stated blankly.

"Neither can I", said Boromir, rubbing his hands in anticipation. "Come on, Arwen. Kick her--" he noticed several people glaring at him, and he cleared his throat. "Err, I mean, kick _ it_. The story, I mean. Kick the story. As in, read it."

Several people rolled his eyes. Arwen ignored him as she straightened the folds of her long dress. Then, she began to read.

_The talents of a lady_

_A gentle wind whispered its unknown tales to the tall and wavy grass, birds sung in the blue, cloudless sky, and the sun shone upon the beautiful (but not as beautiful as Rivendell) lands of Rohan. It was a perfect day to sit and enjoy the small wonders of life, as you looked back on the glorious years of life and contemplated your greatest achievements: a peaceful kingdom, its people, who loved and respected their king, and last, but not least, two wonderful children, whom you loved more than anything else in the world._

_These were the kind of thoughts that Theoden, King of Rohan, was dwelling on as he sat in his throne, his hands folded in his lap, his heavy crown and scepter set aside and his eyes half-lidded. But the peace of the afternoon was not to last long, for Theodred, Theoden's son, entered the room, and, kneeling before the throne, announced that he had a matter to discuss with his father which could suffer no delay._

_Theoden sighed as he snapped out of his daze. "Very well, Theodred. What is it?"_

_"Well..." Theodred stood up, and then went to sit in a chair close to the throne. "I - really don't know how to begin", he confessed with a sigh. _

_"I'm sure you can find a way", Theoden said reassuringly. "You are, after all, my son."_

_"And you were always able to find a way out of everything", Theodred said, a small smile playing across his lips. "Okay, it's like this. Remember when you said that Eowyn should learn to do things maidens usually do, like cooking, dressing and that kind of things?"_

_Theoden frowned slightly. "No, when was that?"_

_Theodred rolled his eyes almost imperceptively. "You said it last week, when she turned twenty. Remember now?"_

_"Oh!" Theoden's face beamed with revelation. "Yes, I remember now! So, what's wrong about that?"_

_"Well... she's been trying to learn to cook for several days now, and I must say, the results are... not that bright actually." Suddenly, Theodred seemed very uncomfortable in his chair._

_"Of course they're not that bright", Theoden replied, grinning. "These things take time. Why, your mother, when I married her--"_

_"I know, father, but it's not her cooking skills that concern me."_

_Theoden frowned slightly at being interrupted by his son. "And what does concern you then?"_

_Theodred flinched. "You know Eowyn, how she's got a fiery temper and everything. The problem is, whenever something goes wrong - and that seems to happen quite a lot - she takes out her anger on the cook or apprentice that has the misfortune of being close enough to her at that moment. Let me demonstrate", the young man said as he took notice of his father's puzzled expression. Theodred took out a piece of parchment from his pocket, and then began to read. "Cook #1: hit over the head with a frying pan repeatedly, will take three weeks or more to recover. Cook #2: nearly drowned in a cauldron of boiling soup. Cook #3: beat to near death with a teaspoon. Cook #4: stabbed with a fork. You want me to go on?"_

_"No, that's... enough." Theoden heaved a great sigh, as though all the burdens in the world had suddenly descended on his shoulders. "Theodred, I'm glad you told me."_

_Theodred straightened up. "I did what I had to do."_

_"Yes, I can see that... Now, I want you to listen to me carefully. Seeing as you are an experienced soldier and are able to defend yourself, and since your cooking skills clearly outsmart your sister's, I want you to teach her from now on."_

_"What?" Theodred burst out involuntarily. "She'll skewer me!" he added pleadingly._

_"Come now, she's your sister! She would never do that to you!"_

_"She tried to impale me on a broomstick once!" Theodred argued._

_"She was three", Theoden said patiently, "and you had taken her favorite knight-doll. You deserved it."_

_"Father--"_

_"Not a word, Theodred. You are to do as I say."_

_Theodred sighed, and then bowed his head. "As you wish, father." He then turned and left._

**_Two days later..._**

_Theoden sat down at the long table in his dining room and looked around with anticipation. There was no food on the table yet. The king clapped his hands anxiously. A door to the side of the room opened slowly, and in came Eowyn, baring a plate on a tray. Behind her came Theodred, who looked very pleased of himself._

_"Father..." Eowyn lay the tray in front of the king, then backed away. "I made it myself", she added proudly. Theodred cleared his throat loudly. "And - my brother helped", she added._

_"And nobody got hurt", Theodred whispered proudly._

_"Right..." Theoden took a spoon, and then took a sip of the soup. Suddenly, his face turned green, and he made a grimace._

_"Well? How does it taste?" Eowyn asked eagerly._

_"It's..." Theoden took another spoon, and his eyes bulged. "Good..." he whimpered. "Now... could you please... leave... me? I need... to savor this... alone..."_

_"As you wish, father." Eowyn exited, dragging her brother with her. As soon as the heavy door closed behind the two, Theoden ran to the window and threw the entire content of the plate out._

_It was the most horrible thing that he had ever had the misfortune to taste. _

**_Conclusion..._**

_Cooking and fighting don't mix. Ladies and fighting don't mix. So ladies should stick to cooking. Fighting just isn't for them._

_~ The end. ~_

"Yes! I knew you could do it!" Boromir shouted, rushing to hug Arwen. "Excellent! Terrific! Incredible!" he rambled on as the rest of us broke into applause and Aragorn glared at him. 

"Good work", Aragorn said, kissing Arwen's hand gently. 

"I liked Eowyn's story better", Elrohir said. "What...?" he added a second later, as everyone turned to stare at him.

"I liked both stories", Elrond said, finally tearing his gaze away from his sleeve. And I suppose you are next?" he asked, turning to Galadriel. The elven lady beamed and nodded.

"Let me say this first. Arwen is actually quite wrong", Eowyn said coldly. "I _can _cook, and I can do it pretty good, too. Ask Faramir."

"Definitely", Faramir said enthusiastically. Arwen just glared at him.

"Isn't love just _the_ most marvelous thing in the world?" Haldir said dreamily. 

"Oh, yeah", Legolas said, shaking his head. 

"Absolutely", I added, finding myself suddenly lost in the thought of kissing a certain elf... a thought which I shrugged off the same instant as I got it. I glared at Haldir, and then resumed writing my own fanfic. 

But somehow, that thought just wouldn't go away...

___________

Author's Note: Good news! The 'Green Dragon Party' interlude will be published after Galadriel's story - which means, next-next chapter! Any ideas are welcome! And thanks for reviewing go to:

** Filia Regalis:**

Me: Fangirl fight! Run for your lives!  
Faramir: *zooms in the broomstick closet locks himself in*  
Frodo: Yikes! *hides under a bed*  
Gollum: Precious! *dives behind the sofa*  
Boromir: *takes out a pack of popcorn and settles himself in an armchair* I wanna watch! 

** KatFay:**

Me: I never liked Arwen that much, either... I think Aragorn would look much better with Eowyn. Whoever's with me, put your hands up, stand on one foot and make like this: "Boogaboogaboogabooga!!!" ^_^   
Eowyn, Eomer, Theoden & co.: *put up their hands and stand on one foot* Boogaboogaboogabooga!!!

** Crystalline4: **

Me: Congratulations, we have the second fan on the guest list for the Green Dragon Party! (ApocalypticPyro is the guest of honor, she gave me the idea in the first place ^_^) *to the Fellowship* You hear that, guys? I see a lot of romance coming soon! ^_^  
The men of the Fellowship: Aaaah! *run away screaming their heads off* 

** Voldie On Varsity Track:**

Me: Thank you! By the way, nice nick!Are you a relative of Voldemort from the Harry Potter series? ^_^  
Legolas: *rhetorically* She's Harry Potter obsessed. I knew it...  
Me: Tarantallegra!  
Legolas: Aaah! *starts dancing a wild tarantella on the kitchen table*  
Me: Wow, elf, I never knew you were such a good dancer... O_O

**Devie Saves a.k.a. Linwe**: 

Me: Wowee, here's the third fan on the guest list! Goodie! *claps hands* Looks like Legolas is going to have a lot of work on his hands... by the way, I don't think I mentioned that the elf is doing the cooking, did I? And I'm helping him! ^_^ *insert hints about kitchen romance here...* *snaps out of it* What? What did I say...? *clamps hand over mouth* Forget I mentioned it! *runs to hide in the broomstick closet and crouches next to Faramir*  
Faramir: *waves* Hi Anne.  
Legolas: *from the kitchen, where he is surrounded by pots, pans and stuff like that* My life is miserable...

** ApocalypticPyro:**

Me: *think* Bonfire...? Well, why not?   
Aragorn: Does that mean I can bring my guitar?  
Me: ...you can play the guitar?  
Aragorn: Yes, well, when I was a kid I wanted to be a rock star!  
Me: O... kay... O_O ...*to AP* and... I'm one of your idols? Thanks! *sniff*  
Aragorn: There, there... *hands me a tissue*  
Me: *sniff* Thanks!

** Kekelina:**

Arwen: See? SEE? I have fans, too!  
Eowyn: Maybe, but I have more!   
Arwen: Oh yeah?  
Eowyn: Yeah!  
Boromir: *shares popcorn around as he watches* Tee hee... this is fun! ^_^  
Me: O_o...

** spastikLeggyluver:**

Me: I'll answer this quickly before Arwen or Galadriel get to see your review and start another catfight. You just read Arwen's story, and Galadriel's story is coming in the next chapter. And--  
Boromir: What's wrong with catfights? I like to watch them!  
Me: Ssh! They'll hear--  
Arwen&Galadriel: Hello, what's this?  
Me: Oh no... *goes to hide in Tibet for seven years as fight ensures*

**Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf:** Ooh, I see now! Well, I updated. So there ^_^**  
**   
PS: I would like to thank the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers for helping me with the review responses. Well, kind of, anyway... ^_^


	8. Two kids and a palantir

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 7:  Two kids and a palantir

Just as Galadriel stood up and opened her mouth, there was a loud _crash!_, and a tiny, white ball came through the window, narrowly missing Elrond's head, and smashed into my mum's favorite vase on the other side of the room. This in turn was followed by a loud 'Whoops!', and an even louder 'Sorry!'.

I jumped to my feet. "Merry, Pippin, get in here _right now_!" I shouted the last words, and all the elves in the room covered their ears.

"Geez, girl, calm down!" Haldir said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. "Do you plan to deafen us?"

I glared at him. "I'm _not_ in the mood", I warned him, just as Merry and Pippin came into the room, both looking very abashed. I immediately turned my anger on them. "Can you explain this?" I demanded, pointing to the broken window and then to the vase.

"We're--" Merry began.

"--Sorry", Pippin finished. Then he glared at Merry. "It's his fault."

"No it isn't", Merry replied, sounding utterly outraged. "You threw the ball!"

"Yes, and you hit it!"

"Anyway, the window _can_ be fixed", Merry said sheepishly. "And--" he pointed to the vase "--we'll--err--get you a new one, OK?"

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms. "Really."

"Yeah..." Merry was becoming increasingly nervous. "It's--not that expensive, is it?"

"No, it's just an authentic Ming", I said casually. "Priceless."

"Oh."

"I can fix that."

Before I could say anything, Galadriel flicked her hand towards the broken vase. It seemed to magically pull itself together (duh!), and then it floated back to where it had been standing before. Then, Galadriel did the same thing on the window. "Can I _pretty please_ read my story now?" she asked impatiently.

"Story?" Merry and Pippin chorused together.

"Yeah, we're writing fanfics", Sam supplied from the other end of the room. 

"Can we hear it, too?"

Elrond stood up. "As the leader of the Fellowship of the Fanfiction Writers, I welcome you to us. You are also free to take a clipboard and a pen and write your own stories."

"Great!" Merry and Pippin got two clipboards from the pile next to the couch and came to sit next to Frodo and Sam.

"And now, dear Galadriel, you may read your story", Elrond said, sitting back down.

"Who died and put him in charge?" Pippin asked Legolas quietly.

The elf shrugged. "No idea. But if I knew who it was, I'd kill him all over again for it."

I barely suppressed a giggle. Fortunately, the same moment Galadriel began to speak. "My story", she said, "is a short humor bit about Sauron, Saruman and two certain humans. And before you say anything", she added, turning to Boromir, "yes, I _can_ write humor."

Boromir made an inviting gesture. "Well, let's hear it then!"

Galadriel smiled at him nicely, and then nodded. "Okay. Here goes."

_Two kids and a palantir_

_The White Wizard, Saruman, sat down at his desk and wrote something on a piece of parchment. Despite the late hour, the wizard did not seem tired at all. On the contrary, he scribbled frantically, occasionally muttering unintelligible words to himself as he bid the end of his quill thoughtfully. Finally, he set his quill aside and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Then, he leaned back in his chair and began to read in a whisper:_

_"Dear mum,_

_Sorry I haven't written in such a long time, but I've been really, really busy. You see, I serve a very powerful Dark Lord called Sauron, who will eventually take over the world. Of course, I plan to turn on him after that and become ruler of Middle Earth, but don't tell that to anyone, OK? _

_I got all of your letters, starting with the one you sent me fifteen years ago. Here are the answers to your questions:_

_1) No, I didn't forget you, I've just been, like I said, really, really busy. I'm sorry, I promise I'll make it up to you from now on._

_2) Yes, I've been promoted to the rank of 'White Wizard' seven years ago. Thanks for the congratulations._

_3) Yes, I have my own army now. It consists of orcs mainly, although there are several thousand humans serving me, too. I know you hate orcs, but they're pretty cool once you get used to them._

_4) No, I don't sleep with Mr. Snuffles any more. Come on, I'm a grown wizard! I'm over sleeping with stuffed animals! Really, I am!_

_I must go now. It's getting late, and I must hold a speech to my armies in the morning. For a strange reason, they all like to hear my voice... Then again, I like to hear my own voice, too. Especially when I thing. Hmm... I never thought about singing to them... I'll have to try that soon, to see what happens. I'll write you more in my next letter, OK?_

_Your loving son,_

_Saruman."_

_Saruman giggled, and then rolled the parchment, tied it and summoned a great white owl. He tied the parchment to its leg and it spread its wings and took off. He watched it until it flew out of sight, and then he sighed. "I deserve some rest", he muttered to himself._

_Just then, the palantir - the stone he was using to commune with his Dark Lord - came to life, and the voice of Sauron himself emerged from it. _

_"Yes, my Lord", Saruman answered hurriedly._

_The incoherent muttering soon turned to words. "I have a question to ask you, Saruman. Since you are so old and wise, you alone hold the answer to it."_

_"Speak it, my Lord."_

_"Where do baby orcs come from?"_

_Saruman's jaw dropped, but he fought to regain his composure. "Well, my Lord... I... breed my Uruk-Hai in cocoons. Is that what you wanted to know?"_

_"No, I mean where do *real* baby orcs come from?"_

_Saruman sighed. Clearly, his master was in one of those awkward moods, when he would ask strange questions and then expect a fully logical answer to them. "All right... I shall explain it to you, although I am not so certain myself... You see, when a daddy orc meets a mummy orc--"_

**_Later..._**

_"--And that is how it all goes", Saruman finished. "Does that clear it up?"_

_"Yes", Sauron purred. "Thank you, Saruman. But now I have another question: where do baby cave trolls come from...?"_

**_Meanwhile, in Gondor..._**

_"Ask him where baby elves come from!" Faramir said anxiously, as Saruman finished his explanation on where baby cave trolls came from._

_"Hold on, I think I'm going to sneeze with all this smoke", Boromir replied quietly. _

_"Yeah, well, you made quite an impression of the Eye", Faramir said admiringly. "And that voice... how do you do it?"_

_Boromir shrugged with fake modesty. He then gazed straight into the palantir. "Now answer to this: where do baby elves come from?"_

_"Do you think dad will get angry that we stole his palantir?" Faramir asked worriedly._

_Boromir shook his head. "Neah..." _

_Then, they both returned to listening to Sauron's sleepy explanations._

_~ The end ~_

Everyone broke into cheers. Faramir and Boromir both stood up and bowed before Galadriel.

"You are, truly, the Elven Queen of Humor Stories", Boromir said in awe. "That was--"

"--incredible", Faramir cut in. "Absolutely incredible! I am well and truly amazed!"

"That was the best one yet!" Aragorn said, which earned him glares from both Arwen and Eowyn. He didn't seem to notice or care.

"...And now", Boromir said, after all the cheers died down, "it's my turn, right?"

Elrond nodded.

"You know, I finished, too", Frodo said.

"Me too", Elrohir added.

"Wait your turn", Boromir said. "Look, I'll just make a few more adjustments, and then you'll hear the greatest humor story ever to be written - by a man", he finished with a grin.

___________

Author's Note: Hi, I'm back from Tibet! *insert hints about several romantic moments with Brad Pitt here, lol* Hoped you liked the chapter! And coming up next - the Green Dragon Party interlude! Thanks for reviewing go to:

** Kendria Erleine: **Yeah, the elf can cook pretty good. But I still like Boromir's cooking best ^_^ I'll start counting how many people are standing on one foot and doing the "Boogaboogaboogabooga" thing now. So - one...

** Crystalline4:** *takes out a notepad and a pen* Okay... romance... adventure... humor... 'Spin the bottle'... got it! (I think Legolas hates my guts, but who cares? I'm the Almighty Authoress! ^_^) And, we have an Arwen fan here... *mutters* Oh this is going to be interesting.

** cryogenie:** Second Eowyn fan here... This is definitely turning interesting. This gives me an idea for a future interlude... err... but more about that later ^_^ Legolas is writing a romance story. That's all he'll tell me, even though I threatened him to write him into another romance fic with Gollum. He said he'd take it and shrugged. Go figure... 

** KatFay:** What can I say? Third Eowyn fan...

** Voldie On Varsity Track:** *giggles* Oh you are SO right about the Dark Lord! And about Eowyn... umm... sure, she looks OK with Faramir (although I *am* a bit jealous... ^_^), but with an orc? O_o You must really hate her... And what's with that thing about punching Harry in the face...?

_**Kekelina:** Fourth Eowyn fan! Adding yours truly, we have five Eowyn fans from a total of six reviewers and an author! Go Eowyn! ...wait... I'm supposed to be impartial O_o So, you like Aragorn? Well then... how about meeting him in person at the Green Dragon? I can make it happen, you know... *hint, hint*_

**_Note: Sorry to have missed a few reviews. For a strange reason, I don't get review alerts for all of them any more! Here are the other review responses, and sorry again._**

_**Devie Saves**: Thanks! And I'll check your fic out as soon as I can!_

_**Filia Regalis**: Eh... whoopsie...? I must have missed that one out... Anyway, thanks!_

_**ApocalypticPyro:** Well, I'm sure the elf would appreciate it if you helped him with cooking and stuff... I'm an awful cook myself, I must say._

_**Kendria Erleine: **Well, theGDP interlude is going to be... an interlude, where authors and reviewers get to meet the LotR characters in person! And sure you can be in it! ^_^_


	9. Interlude: Party time! Part one

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: Party time! (part one)

**[ Fade in... ]**

**[ Welcome to the Green Dragon! As you may have realized already, I am the narrator of this interlude. My name is William Stuart the Fifth, but you can just call me Will. Or Bill. Or even Billy, if it strikes your fancy. ]**

**[ The party hasn't started yet, but there is plenty of activity around the Green Dragon. Tents and trailers are set up all around it, and fans, characters and paparazzi are swarming everywhere. Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam and ApocalypticPyro - who is the guest of honor of the evening - are sitting around a bonfire and roasting marshmallows, Boromir and Faramir are playing 'Rock, paper, scissors', Arwen is posing for a group of photographers, Eowyn and Elrohir are having a very animated conversation, chuckling on occasion, and the list could go on and on until the dawn of the next age, when... sorry, I got a little carried away there. ]**

**[ Suddenly, Saruman's face appears in the sky. ]**

Saruman: May I have your attention, please? May I have your attention, please? 

Boromir: *giggles* Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Faramir: *cracks up*

Saruman: ...thank you. I have a few announcements to make.

Pippin: *whispering to Merry* I kinda like Saruman 'classic', but a Saruman that's as big as half the sky is simply an insult to... err... to... well, you get the point, right?

Saruman: Fool of a Took! Don't think I didn't hear that!

Pippin: Whoops...

Gandalf: Hey! That was _my_ line! ...or, the first part, anyway...

Saruman: So? I don't see your name on it!

Gandalf: ...actually, it would be a physical impossibility to 'see' anything on a spoken line, as it is not material. Unless you're talking somewhere really cold, and then you could see vapor coming out of your mouth... although that's not actually 'seeing' the line... 

Saruman: What?

Gandalf: What what?

Saruman: I don't get it!

Gandalf: I don't get it, either!

Aragorn: HEY! Saruman, are you going to announce whatever you're supposed to announce this _century_?

Kekelina: *giggles* You tell them, Elessar.

Aragorn: *surprised smile* You know, I love it when people call me Elessar.

Kekelina: *smiles* Really...?

Boromir: *shouting* Hey, get a room, you two!

Saruman: As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, the party will start a little later than planned, due to some... technical difficulties... Meanwhile, our lovely assistants from Lothlorien will give refreshments around.

Eowyn: But we've been waiting here for hours!

ApocalypticPyro: Days!

Eowyn: ...right! For days!

Saruman: ...whoops, look at the time, got to go! *disappears*

Boromir: *mutters* Technical difficulties, huh? He should've said, 'kitchen difficulties'. Or even better, 'kitchen _wars_'...

Crystalline: Hi cutie!

Boromir: ...hello? Do I know you?

Crystalline: Well, you do now! Name's Crystalline, by the way.

Boromir: Enchanted. I'm--

Faramir: Boromir! There you w--oh, hi, sorry to interrupt you two, but--

Crystalline: Oh, it's no problem at all! I'm Crystalline.

Faramir: Well, nice to meet you...

Linwe: There you were! My friend and I have been looking all over for you! *giggles* You know, you're even prettier than you look on TV. I'm Linwe.

Filia Regalis: And I'm Filia Regalis. I'm your biggest fan!

Linwe: No, _I'm_ your biggest fan!

Filia Regalis: *glares* No, _I'm_--

Boromir: Girls, girls! There's plenty of Faramir for everyone! You're both his biggest fans, how about that?

Linwe & Filia Regalis: OK.

Crystalline: Boromir, you were saying something about kitchen wars...?

Boromir: Well, yeah. You see, Legolas is doing the cooking, Odeena is helping him, Haldir has a noble heart and decided to give them a hand, and Gollum somehow got stuck with them.

Crystalline: Wow...

Boromir: But enough about them. Let's talk about things that really matter. So, tell me more about you.

Crystalline: *giggles* OK. Poor Odeena though...

Boromir: Oh, don't worry. I'm sure she's doing just fine.

**[ Or not... ]**

Legolas: Odeena, here it says a _ pince_ of spicy sauce, not an _ounce_!

Odeena: *innocently* ...oops. 

Legolas: Never mind, we'll just give it to Sam and Pippin. They'll never now.

Odeena: What are we supposed to be cooking again?

Legolas: Chin-tzu-chai-nikki-poo.

Odeena: Right. Can you say that again, this time in English?

Legolas: Snake heard sauce with turtle tail and bat wings.

Odeena: ...what?

Legolas: Just kidding. It's some sort of Chinese salad.

Odeena: OK.

Legolas: Haldir, how are those oysters coming?

Haldir: What oisters?

Legolas: The ones you were supposed to cook?

Haldir: What, those weren't pebbles_

Legolas: Pebbles?!

Haldir: ...oops?

Legolas: *slaps his forehead* This is not happening...

Gollum: We founds it! We founds it! We founds the Precious!

Odeena: Hey! That's my engagement ring, give it back!

Legolas: Engagement ring...?

Haldir: Don't you think that you're too young for that?

Odeena: Actually, it's just some stupid joke me and Paul came up with when we were still together, it's no biggie. Come to think it, Gollum, you can keep it.

Haldir: Ever notice how the tips of Legolas' ears turn red whenever you speak of Paul?

Legolas: That's _not_ true!

Haldir: Come on, Legolas, there's no shame in it! Admit it! You're jealous!

Legolas: Am _not_!

Haldir: Are _too_!

Odeena: ...umm, boys? As much as I'd like to see you two fight, save it for my birthday, we've got cooking to do.

Legolas: Right. Sorry. 

Haldir: Sorry, too.

Legolas: But I am _not_ jealous!

**[ To be continued... ]**

___________

Author's Note: First of all, I'd like to apologize again for missing to answer to several reviews for the previous chapter. I've added the other review responses to it now, so I hope nobody's mad at me... are you? *looks around with puppy-dog eyes* ...and now - here it is, people! The Green Dragon Party interlude! Well, the first part, anyway. Originally I was going to write it in just one chapter, but it turned out much longer than expected! Part two is going to be even better than part one! Stay tuned! And thanks for reviewing go to:

_**ApocalypticPyro: ** Sorry, sorry, sorry! Please don't cry... man, I feel so bad... *goes to do her little cousin's math homework as punishment for being so ignorant*_

_**Filia Regalis: ** Well, Faramir just got out of the closet. Apart from a little appearance problem, he's OK - but he's in desperate need of a hair stylist, and soon ^_^_

_**Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf: ** Wow, I didn't know I have the ability to make people go hysterical... maybe I should consider taking up a career as a politician, how about that? *giggles* j/k. Anyway, for a little spoiler, Pippin's story is going to be about mushrooms, and Merry's about... no, wait, I don't want to give everything away just yet! Stay tuned and you'll find out! ^_^_

_**Crystalline4: ** You know, your review got me thinking... I like Eowyn because she looks great and she kicks @$$, too. And most importantly because Faramir likes her, and I could never dislike something that Faramir likes._

_**Kekelina: ** Thank you, thank you, I feel honored by your praise! ^_^ To be honest, my ideas come in all sorts of different situations... usually in the morning, when I drink my first coffee of the three or four I drink a day, or when I'm walking in the street and I'm lost in thoughts... but I can't tell for sure. _

_**Voldie On Varsity Track: **Yep, that scene in RotK (the book, I mean) is one of my faves, too. And Faramir definitely is a sexy beast! ^_^ But I still like Boromir best... Okay, this gives me an idea: in your reviews for your next chapter, also say which one you like best - Faramir or Boromir! I'm really curious... (By the way, why are you afraid of Galadriel? And what on Middle-Earth is a butler doing in your pants of all things...? O_o)_

_**lds_sunshinegrl: **Thank you! I never forget to smile! ^_^ (Actually, some people say I smile too much...) By the way, what does TTFN mean? I'm having trouble with this kind of abbreviations... the last one I learned was ROFLMAOKAS (witch means Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off kicking and screaming), and I learned it from... *thinks* Stewardess of Gondor, I think. So what does this one mean...? _


	10. Interlude: Party time! Part two

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: Party time! (part two)

**[ Welcome to the Green Dragon! As you may have realized already, I am the narrator of this interlude. My name is Will--wait, I said that already. Oops... Anyway, welcome _back_ to the Green Dragon! ]**

**[ Thanks to ** **ApocalypticPyro and Kendria Erleine, who got tired of waiting and put their outstanding cooking skills at use, the doors of the Green Dragon opened at last, and the party officially began. Of course, everyone saw it in their own way... ]**

Merry! Finally! Where's the food?

Pippin: I don't know! Do you suppose they have any mushrooms?

Arwen: Where's the ladies' room? I really need to redo my make-up!

Boromir: Okay, time to shake it! Let's DANCE!

Crystalline: *looks around for cuties* Time to flirt!

Gollum: Gollum!

**[ Suddenly, a white limmo pulls up in front of the restaurant, and Morwen de Cearo, most respected among Odeena's fanfic reviewers, comes out. ]**

Morwen: Hi everyone, sorry I'm late!

**[ ...wow, I simply can't get my eyes off that limmo... ]**

**[ Anyway, it's time to meet one of the most important persons of the evening - Mike the DJ! ]**

Mike: Sup yo.

**[ Throughout the evening, Mike will be playing every kind of music known to men, elves, dwarves, hobbits and orcs, from heavy metal to the most sensitive of ballads ]**

Crystalline: Ballads, you say...? Can't wait!

**[ Shortly, everyone - including myself - is contaminated by the party spirit, and things get wild. ]**

**[ In a corner, Merry, Pippin, Sam and two other hobbits do what hobbits do best... ]**

Pippin: These mushrooms are absolutely divine...

Merry: Enough about the mushrooms already! I bet you even dream mushrooms at night!

Sam: How about this: evil mushrooms from space who come to eat your brain?

Hobbit extra #1: Or this: a heavy metal band become famous overnight, but they're really mushrooms in disguise!

Hobbit extra #2: Or this: a mushroom becomes president of the United States due to excessive popularity among vegetarians!

Pippin: Well, I'd sure give him my vote! *giggles* That's funny!

Merry: *eyebrow raised* Um... Sam, did you taste anything funny in those mushrooms you ate a while ago? Because I'm starting to think Legolas put some drugs in them...

**[ Meanwhile, Linwe, Filia Regalis, Frodo, Boromir, Faramir, Legolas and Odeena are playing a game of 'Spin the bottle'. So far, Boromir gave Odeena a small kiss on the cheek, Legolas had to kiss Linwe, and Frodo very gently turned down an offer for a kiss from Boromir. Now, it's Odeena's turn to spin the bottle... ]**

Odeena: OK, here goes!

**[ Surprise - the bottle points out at Faramir! ]**

Filia Regalis: Oh, you are SO lucky!

Linwe: I'll say... *looks at Frodo dreamily*

**[ Faramir kisses Odeena on the cheek ]**

Boromir: Legolas, what happened to the tips of your ears? They're redder than usual...

Legolas: Shut up.

**[ Now, it's Faramir's turn to have a go. The bottle ends up pointing straight to the space between Linwe and Filia Regalis ]**

Linwe: *jumps up* Me!

Filia Regalis: *glares* No, me!

Faramir: Ladies, please! There's plenty of me for everyone! *gives each a kiss*

Filia Regalis: Wow...

Linwe: Wow...

Boromir: Who's next?

Linwe: I'll go... I mean... pretty please? *looks at Filia Regalis*

Filia Regalis: Oh, OK, you go... this time...

**[ Linwe spins the bottle and is lucky enough to get a small kiss from Frodo. The game then goes on... ]**

**[ From a nearby table, Aragorn and Kekelina observe the group with wide smiles on their faces. ]**

Kekelina: At least, I don't have to share you with anyone tonight, Elessar.

Aragorn: *giggles* Yes, but you'd better duck whenever Arwen or Eowyn are around. Otherwise, things could get nasty...

Kekelina: No problem. Although I could defend myself. I know karate!

**[ But Arwen and Eowyn couldn't possibly threat Kekelina in any way, as they're quite... distracted at the moment... ]**

Eowyn: I am NOT fat! *chases Arwen around, attempting to stab her with chopsticks*

Arwen: I hate to say this, but - HEEEELP!

**[ From a table, Elladan, Elrohir, Elrond and Galadriel watch the scene... ]**

Elladan: Should we help her?

Elrohir: Nah, I'm having too much fun watching them...

Galadriel: I'll say.

Elrond: Hey, pass the champagne, will you?

Elladan: Dad, you've already had four glasses. Are you sure you want to have another one?

Elrond: Yeah, sure. I'm not drunk... hic...

**[ Meanwhile, on the dancefloor, ****ApocalypticPyro is busting some awesome moves, while an elf from Mirkwood and another from Lothlorien are trying to outshine each other. Nearby, Haldir and Gimli are trying to stare each other down. They've been going at it for fifteen minutes already. **** At another table, Morwen and Gandalf are talking about the great questions of humanity, like what is the purpose of life, whether or not humans are alone in the universe, or whether or not a pizza with pepperoni and pineapple is an abomination. ]**

**[ Suddenly, Mike the DJ makes a decision... ]**

Mike: I'm the king of the dancefloor yo, so I say it's time to play a blues.

**[ This immediately catches everyone's attention... and everyone gathers all the courage they can muster... ]**

Odeena: Okay, elf. I won't ask you to dance with me. You can do it or you can refuse to do it. The choice is yours. I won't mind if you say no.

Legolas: *annoyed* Oh, will you shut up already? I'm your boyfriend, aren't I?

Odeena: ...you are?

Legolas: *mutters something about short-term memory as he drags Odeena on the dancefloor*

Kekelina: Ellesar, will you please dance with me?

Aragorn: The pleasure's all mine!

Frodo: Uh... hi... I was wondering if, perhaps, you would... like to... dance with me?

Linwe: *giggles* Sure!

Filia Regalis: Faramir, can I please have this dance?

Faramir: But of course!

Boromir: *dramatic sigh* Oh, Faramir, how you just happen to be _there_ at the right time!

Crystalline: Hey again, cutie! Care to dance?

Boromir: Sure!

Haldir: Hello, I am Haldir of Lorien. I remarked your excessive skills in dancing, and I was wondering, will you do me the honor of dancing with me?

ApocalypticPyro: *giggles* Okay!

Elladan: Hi... um... *Elrohir elbows him* ...dance? With me, I mean? I mean, would you like to?

Morwen: Of course!

**[ And so, the blues is a great success. ]**

Mike: And now, I'll turn the lights off for a few minutes yo, for those of you who... you know...

**[ The lights go out. Boo! Scared you, didn't I. ]**

**[ A few minutes after, the lights go back on. I won't say what happened during the respective period of time. Everyone has the right to their privacy. ]**

Mike: Time to make an announcement, yo. For five dollars, Gandalf can design a special firework message for everyone. Just pay him the money and see your words written among the stars... or something... *slaps his forehead* I bite at this yo. Big time. Go find Gandalf and ask him the details if you want to. And now, back to our regular program...

**[ Immediately, Gandalf is assaulted. Soon, everyone heads outside to see the firework messages. Here's how they go... ]**

*Thank you for a wonderful evening, Elessar. You're the sweetest man I've ever known!* - from Kekelina, written in green little sparks.

*Faramir, you have got to be the sexiest man alive. I'm your biggest fan!* - from Filia Regalis, written in small read hearts.

*Thank you for all your mushrooms! They were great! Um... can I have more...?* - from Pippin, written in tiny mushroom-like sparks.

*Frodo, you're a real sweetheart.* - from Linwe, again written in red hearts.

*Great party! And the Fellowship rules!* - from ApocalypticPyro, written in twinkling stars.

*Boromir, you're a cutie!* - from Crystalline, written in pink hearts.

*Gollum!* - it's obvious who it's from (isn't it?), written in green and gold ring-like sparks.

*Wonderful party!* - from Morwen, again written in twinkling golden stars.

And finally, *I love an elf, but I won't tell who he is...* - from Odeena, written in small read hearts.

**[ Then comes the most awaited moment of the evening - the cake! ]**

Saruman: Gather round for the cake!

**[ The cake is a huge, with four layers, covered in cream and candy and with miniature elves, hobbits, dwarves, lords, ladies and orcs scattered all around. ** **Suddenly, the top of the cake flies, and Faramir comes out. ]**

Odeena: Wow! Just like in my story! ...except you had to be in drag, too.

**[ Everyone giggles at that. ]**

Boromir: Of course, we all know what this means...

**[ Silence ]**

Boromir: Cream fight!!!

Arwen: No! Not that! Anything but th--AAAAH!

Eowyn: Ha! Take that!

Merry: For the Shire!

Pippin: For Mushrooms!

Gollum: Gollum!

**[ And so, everyone parties merrily ever after. Or, the fun goes on and on, and when it stops - who knows? Or something like that! This is William Stuart the Third, signing off. See you on the next party! ]**

**[ I hope it's going to be a bikini party... ]**

**[ I didn't say that. ]**

**[ Really, it wasn't me. ]**

**[ Okay, I'll go now. ]**

**[ Bye! ]**

___________

Author's Note: Whassup! Here's the second part of the GDP Interlude! Well, how do you like it? Let me know! ^_^ Sneak peek for the next chapter - Boromir is finally going to read his story! A special thanks goes to the boys at limpbizkit for their wonderful album 'Results May Vary', which I listened to while writing this interlude. Although I know they'll probably never read this ^_^ And thanks for reviewing go to:

** Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf: **You know, that's a really good question. *thinks* You see, in my ideal LotR storyline, Eowyn gets to stay with Aragorn, Faramir stays single, Arwen sails across the Great Sea with Elrond & co., and Boromir kills all those Uruk-Hai instead of getting killed himself. And therefore I don't have any reason to be mad at Eowyn ^_^

_**Kekelina: **The Most Wonderful Author In The World...? Wow, thanks! That's the nicest thing anyone has ever called me! ^_^ And I wouldn't advise you to eat anything that Legolas cooks, either_

** Undomiel: **Well, hello again! Glad you like the story! And yes, Legolas is falling in love with me... well, kind of, anyway. And you are SO right about Aragorn! ...but, I still like Boromir best! ^_^

** Filia Regalis: **Really...? Well, in that case... wait, I can't say anything, I'm supposed to be impartial... so you two better decide who's Faramir's biggest fan and then let me know, OK? Meanwhile, just to let you know, I claim the title of Boromir's Biggest Fan Of All Time. And if anyone wants to challenge it... *looks around menacingly*

** Crystalline4: **Wouldn't you know - my Almighty Authoress Powers really work! I got your personality type right! Go me! ^_^ ...anyway, glad you liked the first part, and hope you liked the second one, too! 

_**ApocalypticPyro: **Well, what can I say? Thanks for the help! And thanks for saving me from my little cousin's homework, too! ^_^_

_**Kendria Erleine: **You can cook that many things...? Wow... I can only make French Fries and some sort of fruit salad... Thanks for the help! And yes, I'm using Saruman as an announcer, although he really doesn't seem to like it.... XD_

** Morwen de Cearo: **Like I always say, it's no problem if you miss to review from time to time, as long as you do review in the end. Thanks for the appreciation, and, as you probably read already, you made an appearance in the interlude, too. I didn't know what to write though, so I had to improvise a little... Hope you like what came out! ^_^ (And yes, I know I use lots of smilies. I'm smilie-obsessed! ^_^)

** LegosGrl: **Thank you!

** Voldie On Varsity Track: **Boromir is NOT ugly! Don't you EVER say that about him! He's the hottest man in the Fellowship! (and the only one who takes a shouwer more often than two or three times a year) ...moving on, I didn't know Denethor uses one of those portable toilets, but I hate him, too, for being the jerk he is... err, was, I suppose, since he's dead and everything. He was really dumb to run off that cliff. He could have asked someone to put the fire out for him or something. And about orcs wearing underwear... I don't think they do. I mean, wearing underwear is a sign of civilization, and orcs aren't smart enough to be civilized. That's my opinion, anyway. Glad you liked the chapter, and send a big kiss to Pocahontas from me! I absolutely loved that movie! ^_^


	11. Toilet humor by Boromir of Gondor

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 8: Toilet humor by Boromir of Gondor

After all the cheering for Galadriel died down, Boromir put up a hand.

"So", he asked sheepishly, "can I read my story now...?"

"Yes, you can", Elrond said, emphasizing his words with a nod and a wild whiz of his eyebrows.

Boromir stood up. He looked unusually nervous. "Okay... My story is about... well, what most of you people would call 'toilet humor'... That's the only thing I could think of for now."

"That's the only thing you ever think of", Arwen cut in. We all chuckled.

"Well, at least _I_ don't doodle little hearts with As in the middle on every piece of paper I get my hands on", Boromir replied. "I'm thinking of something _constructive_."

"_Very_ constructive", Arwen snorted. Boromir made a face at her, and we chuckled again.

"Now I'm curious", I said. "Bring it on already!"

Boromir grinned evilly. "Okay", he said. "Here it goes."

_Toilet humor by Boromir of Gondor_

_[ Sam and Frodo are climbing those big mountains in Mordor. Suddenly, Frodo makes a face and stops. ]_

_Frodo: Sam...?_

_Sam: Yes?_

_Frodo: My tummy aches._

_Sam: Oh. It must be from those mushrooms you ate a few hours ago._

_Frodo: *glares* Then how come you're not feeling anything?_

_Sam: Because I didn't eat any. I left all of them for you._

_Frodo: *sighs* That's the last time I trust in Pippin's tastes..._

_Sam: There's a cave over there. You can go in and... y'know. I'll be on the lookout for any evil Gollums, orcs, goblins etc._

_Frodo: Okay, just don't peek._

_[ 30 seconds later... ]_

_Sam: Mister Frodo? Are you all right in there?_

_Frodo: Yep._

_Sam: See anything unusual? Orcs? Goblins? Giant spiders?_

_Frodo: ...No._

_Sam: Oh._

_[ 15 seconds later... ]_

_Sam: If you see anything, let me know, OK?_

_[ 20 seconds later... ]_

_Sam: Hey! Are you--_

_Frodo: YES, I'm alive and well. Please stop bugging me._

_Sam: OK._

_[ 30 seconds later... ]_

_Sam: *whispers* Mister Frodo...?_

_Frodo: WHAT?_

_Sam: Just checking..._

_Frodo: LOOK. If I see anything, ANYTHING dangerous, like orcs, goblins, trolls, aliens or Britney Spears, I'll let you know. In the meantime, please, PLEASE, just let me be!_

_Sam: ...sorry._

_[ 40 seconds later... ]_

_Sam: Mister Fr--_

_Frodo: DIE! *bursts out of the cave and chases Sam with his magical sword all across Mordor, killing everything he comes across that moves and breaths and throwing the ring in the fires of Mount Doom on the way because it was slowing him down. In the end, Sauron exploded from frustration, Sam escaped by climbing a tree, and Frodo took some magical pills and his tummy ache instantly disappeared.*_

_[ The end ]_

I jumped up from my seat and gave Boromir a big hug. "You did it!" I yelled. "You wrote a humor story! That was great! You rock!"

"You're crushing me..." Boromir gasped.

I let go of him reluctantly and went back to my cushion between Legolas and Haldir. The others, including Sam and Frodo, clapped their hands and cheered.

"You know", Frodo said, "we did have some... privacy problems along the way." He chuckled. "I liked that bit about me killing every orc in Mordor. I would've liked to do that."

"Me too", Sam said with a dreamy sigh. "Samwise Gamgee the Brave, a true hero..." 

"I'll say", Frodo said, smiling. "Can I read my story now?"

"I finished too", Haldir announced. 

"Wait your turn", Elrond said sternly. "Frodo finished first, so now it's his turn. Then comes Elrohir, and then you."

Haldir rubbed his hands and chuckled, "I can't wait."

"I got a bad feeling about this", Legolas whispered to me. 

From the way Haldir glared at both of us, I wholeheartedly agreed with the elf on this one.

___________

Author's Note: *peeks from behind Legolas' shoulder* Please don't hurt me... Sorry for the long wait... I've been busy working on my very first novel, which I must finish until July... well, the first volume, anyway ^_^ Anyway, here's another chapter packed with random stuff and... well, random stuff. Hope you like it! And thanks for reviewing go to:

** Filia Regalis: **Well, I'd like to know what happened between you and Faramir when the lights were out... I won't tell what happened between me and Legolas though! ^_^ And I'll really have to try that pepperoni & pineapple thingie one of these days...

** ApocalypticPyro: **Thanks! You started to do a prequel to the Green Dragon interlude...? Wow, I'm honored! Of course you can borrow the Fellowship! And of course I'll help you in any way I can! In fact... I've never co-written a fanfic with another author before, but it sounds really interesting... so we could write it together! ^_^

** Kekelina: **I thank thee for thy wonderful words of praise! And by the way, I'm a Shakespeare fan! ^_^

** lds_sunshinegrl: **Yep, Tigger is great. Thank you!

** Morwen de Cearo: **Thanks! Glad I got... err.. nearly everything right... so if you can't see yourself ride in a white limo, then how about a black limo instead? Or green? Or... you pick? :)

** Undomiel: **Well then, have lots of fun watching RotK! I've already seen it four times... ^_^

** Crystalline: **Thank you! (Yep, I know I've already said it... well, many times ^_^) And I wholeheartedly agree with you - Boromir is cute! ...no, wait, he's hot! *dreamy sigh*

** hornofgondor2: **So... you're Boromir's mum then? *giggles* Just kidding. Thanks for reviewing, and thanks for giving me a great idea for a nickname for Boromir... Borry the Hottie! *cracks up*

_Devie Saves: *giggles* Thanks for everything! I feel so special! And Frodo sends you a small kiss... and... wait a minute... Whoops... it seems he's asking you out! Well, here's an idea for another interlude: fangirls and Fellowship characters going steady! ^_^ *goes to plot evil things*_

** Voldie On Varsity Track: **Well... I guess that you can kill someone with chopsticks if you stab them repeatedly... I don't know, I've never tried. *chuckles* And about Denethor... *cracks up again* 

PS: Here's something to brag about: The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers has just become my most reviewed story ever! Thanks again to all my reviewers! Love you guys! *hugs everyone* 


	12. Fun and games

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 9: Fun and games

Frodo stood up and looked around sheepishly. Just as he was about to begin, my sister's head popped in. "What'cha doing?" she asked in that sing-song voice of hers which I hated so much. 

Everyone present started and turned around. Not all the guys had had the chance to meet Laurie yet - and from the looks on their faces, I could tell that they were getting an absolutely _ wrong_ impression about her. When it came about my sister, looks could be _ really_ deceiving, if you catch my drift.

"Err... homework", I said quickly. "You know, math, physics, that sort of stuff. There's nothing for you here, so bye-bye, there you go, that's a nice little girl..."

"Now that is absolutely preposterous!" Elrond stood up abruptly. "We are the Fellowship of the Fanfic W--"

"Elrond, _shut up_." I turned to Laurie, ignoring Elrond's puzzled expression. "What he means is that we write... err... boring school essays about... err..."

"Schopenhauer."

Now, everybody was glaring at Legolas. My sister raised an eyebrow, "Schopen-who?"

"Schopenhauer. He was... err... an... _Help me!_", he whispered, turning to me.

"Schopenhauer was an aviator."

Trust Haldir to come up with a brilliant idea. This immediately caught my sister's attention, and I made a mental note to kill Haldir as soon as possible. "Aviator?" Laurie asked, her eyes sparkling. "Cool! What did he do?"

Haldir scratched his forehead. "Well, from what I can remember, he... umm... took down five hundred enemy airplanes in three days and got decorated with... err... the... Order of Phoenix for that. And then he married a princess and became king of Transilvanya, and they lived happily ever after."

I clasped a hand over my mouth to stifle my giggles, while Faramir, Boromir and even Aragorn looked like they were about to crack up. "Laurie", I said, "_get lost_, okay? Go play in the traffic or something!"

"Now don't you tell her _that_!" a very offended Arwen interjected. "What if she really does that? Now sweetie - what's your name?"

"Laura Francesca", my sister answered proudly.

"All right, Laura Francesca - why don't you go buy yourself an ice-cream? My treat."

Laurie seemed to ponder this for a second. "Okay", she said finally.

"There's a good girl." With that, Arwen gave her a $5 bill. Laurie stuck her tongue out to me, and then rushed outside. 

I sighed, "Thanks, Arwen. I owe you one."

"Make that, _we_", Legolas added. "Boy, was that close..."

Elrond gave me one last reproachful look, and then turned to Frodo. "You may begin", he said.

"All right... My story is about something that actually happened... it takes place a few days after we left Rivendell, and I think it will explain a little about a lot..." He sighed. "Well, here it goes."

_Fun and games_

_It was the third night since we had left Rivendell. We had been walking all day, and I could barely feel my feet. From what I could tell, Sam, Merry and Pippin were doing no better, and even showed some signs of tiredness. On the other hand, Legolas and Aragorn were fresh as if they had been resting all day. I must confess, I was amazed. _

_When Gandalf finally said that we should stop for the night, I dropped to the ground and would have fallen asleep right away if the others hadn't thought that I had suffered a psychic attack or something like that. After all the commotion settled, we ate a little (very little), and then everybody went to sleep. Well, everybody but Legolas and Boromir, who were on the night watch. Poor guys._

_Merry, Sam and Pip fell asleep immediately. On the other hand, I soon found that I couldn't do the same, no matter how hard I tried. This was peculiar. I had never suffered from insomnia before, and I couldn't recollect anyone in my family who had. After about half an hour or so, I decided that, if I were to spend a sleepless night, then there was no point in just sitting there like a rock, and that I might as well have some fun. So I took the ring and put it on._

_Now, most of you might - and probably will - say that this was a very dumb thing to do. I wholeheartedly agree. I knew from my previous experiences in Bree and Amon'Sul that after I put the ring on the nine Wraiths (or what was left of them, anyway) would be attracted to its power, and so would Sauron be. Still, I just couldn't resist the temptation. That's just the way I am._

_After I put the ring on, I waited a second or two, to make sure no one had noticed what I had done, and then I got up quietly. In the distance, I could see my first target: Boromir. Frankly, I never quite liked the guy. So I approached him from behind, and when I was inches away from him, I whispered, "Boo."_

_Boromir started and turned around, but, of course, there was no one there. He shook his head; but, just as he was about to turn, I said again, fainter this time, "Boo."_

_Boromir leaned forward, his nose almost touching mine. "Who's... who's there?" he asked, his voice shaking. So much for the big brave man, I thought. I took a step back, and then sneaked up behind him again and said for the third time, "Boo."_

_This time, Boromir spun so fast he lost his balance and nearly fell. "Who's there?" he demanded loudly, unsheathing his sword. "Show yourself!"_

_Uh-oh. I'm a pacifist by nature, so I hate swords. I decided that things were getting quite dangerous for my liking and I left Boromir to slash at a nearby hedge in peace. My next target - Legolas._

_The elf was at the other end of our camp, if camp is what you should call six sleeping people, two people on the watch, one guy who has nothing better to do than two play pranks on the others, their belongings, their horses and a fire. No sooner had I approached that he turned to where I was, his eyes piercing the thick darkness. I remembered that elven senses are much above human ones, and, not wanting to risk being caught and exposed as the sleepless prankster (which in fact I was), I backed away from him, nearly tripping over Pippin in the process. This gave me an idea. _

_I bent down and whispered, "Pippin! Wake up!" Pip started, but didn't wake up. I whispered again, "Wake up!" This time, he stirred a little and muttered something I couldn't understand. I sighed, and then whispered yet again, "Pippin! Wake up and smell the mushrooms!"_

_Now this immediately caught Pip's attention. "Mushrooms..." he muttered, a wide grin spreading over his face. "Mmm..."_

_Merry, who was sleeping next to him, was apparently having the same sleeplessness problem I did. He elbowed Pip and muttered, "Shut up, you're making me hungry."_

_"I didn't say anything", Pippin protested sleepily._

_"Yes you did. You were talking about mushrooms."_

_"No I wasn't, but now you're making me hungry."_

_"Well, you made me hungry first."_

_"I did not!"_

_"You did too!"_

_I chuckled as I left Merry and Pippin to their own affairs and moved on to Sam. Sam usually had a light sleep; this time, however, no matter how hard I tried, all I got in response were incoherent mutters and a very sleepy, "Leave me alone." Resigned, I went to where Aragorn and Gandalf were sleeping, head to heel. Boy, that must've smelled terrible._

_Gandalf was sleeping with his eyes wide open. He looked really, really freaky. Then again, Aragorn looked even freakier. On first sight, one might think he was a barbarian from the North or something, rather than a king - about which, if I am to be honest, I had some serious doubts. Anyway, after I tugged at Gandalf's beard or hair (it's hard to tell which one is which) for about ten minutes with no result and I nearly got stabbed by Aragorn (although I could have sworn he didn't even open his eyes!), I decided that I had had enough fun for one night and went to take my place next to Sam. I fell asleep on the spot._

_The next morning, I woke up to find that everyone - or nearly everyone - was desperately looking for... me. I realized that I had forgotten to take my ring off, and I wondered numbly how come nobody had tripped over me yet. Just as I finished the thought, Boromir - gods, why did it have to be him of all people? - tripped on me and went crashing on the ground, face first. I took this opportunity to take off my ring; then, as Boromir was pulling himself together, I waved my hand and said innocently, "Hi guys... did you miss me?"_

_"Where HAVE you been?!" Boromir shouted, jumping to his feet. _

_"Well... right here, in your way", I said. "And by the way, ow."_

_"Sorry", Boromir half-snarled. _

_"No problem." I beamed at Gandalf, who was glaring at me, and at Aragorn, who was rubbing his chin as if in deep thought. "So... when do we eat?"_

_~ The End ~_

"So it was _you_!" Boromir shouted, while the rest of us cheered and applauded. "I knew it! I _knew_ it!" 

"This thing really happened?" Elrond asked, arching his eyebrows. 

"Well... yeah, kind of", Frodo answered, shifting his foot. "So... what do you think?"

"Glorious", I said, getting up and patting him on the back, while Haldir rolled on the floor with laughter and even Legolas gave a small smile. 

"Wonderful", Arwen said, giggling. "And Boromir slashing at a hedge...? I could totally picture that!"

"HEY!" Boromir said. Arwen grinned widely, and Faramir said, "Touché!" Boromir glared at both of them in turn, then turned to Frodo, "Good job!"

"So... who's next?" Haldir asked. 

"Elrohir", me, Arwen and Elrond said at the same time. The elf smiled nicely at all of us, and I must say, he really did have a glorious smile... I shook my head. Something was definitely wrong with me if I was having this kind of thoughts.

"I bet you fifty he'll write either something nasty about Arwen or something sweet about Eowyn", Haldir whispered to me.

I raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because he likes Eowyn."

I choked, "What?" Haldir just shrugged. 

Well, _this_ was a big surprise...

__________________

Author's Note: Hello, this is the Fellowship of the Ring. Odeena locked herself in her room two days ago and has been playing 'Legacy of Kain: Defiance' ever since, so we'll be doing the review responses for this chapter. Here we go:

** Crystalline4: **Well, nobody says we have to wait until Odeena writes that interlude to go out... are you busy this Saturday? Let me know at 1-800-BOROMIR. Guess who.

** Filia Regalis: **Thanks! As for the Fruit Loops... you don't mind if I take some too, do you? Haldir.

** ApocalypticPyro: **Here's a small note from Odeena: 'Thank you! I'm honored! *bows to the applause* By the way, did you get the mail I sent you? Let me know!' And we're dying of curiosity to know what you wrote in the Prequel. Can't wait to read it! The Fellowship.

** Kekelina: **Glad you liked the chapter. So, will you take part in that 'Fangirls and the Fellowship go steady' interlude? Let me know. Elessar.

_**Voldie On Varsity Track: **I didn't know dad can speak Swahili... although that would explain why he's always making funny noises at the phone every Sunday morning. Thanks for thinking I'm sexy. Faramir._

** hornofgondor2: **There's my horn! I thought I lost in in that battle with--oh wait, that's just your nickname... O_o Oh well. Hug me again, I like it ^_~. Boromir.

** Devie Saves a.k.a. Linwe**: Really...? Wow... So, what kind of flowers do you like? I'll ask Sam to make a nice bouquet just for you... Frodo. (PS: Which name should I call you - Devie Saves or Linwe?)

_** yahoo-chocolate-bars:** Thankyou for reviewing! And I like chocolate bars, too! Sam._

_PS: Sorry for the long wait. I've been away most of last week at a national contest, and now school made a dramatic comeback... Sorry again! Odeena._

_PPS: Before you ask: yes, I know the guys screwed up the review responses completely, but I decided to let them have some fun for a change :) And this chapter is a bit longer than the others. I hope you like it!_


	13. Pink! Purple! Pink! Aw, forget it, just ...

~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 10: Pink! Purple! Pink! ...Aw, forget it, just go for blue, OK...?

"I'll start by saying", said Elrohir, "that this is a real fact, and that Arwen will probably kill me for what I am about to read..."

"I told you!" Haldir whispered, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "He's got a thing for Eowyn!"

"Shut up", a very annoyed Arwen cut in. "Elrohir, what are you up to...?"

"Well..." Elrohir swallowed, clearly unconfortable. "You'll see. Just don't get mad at me, OK?"

"Is it really that bad?" Boromir asked hopefully, rubbing his hands in anticipation. "Because if it is, I'll buy the drinks on your first date with Eowyn."

"What?" Arwen, Elladan and Elrond all said in unison. As for Eowyn, she just glared daggers at Boromir. Elrohir, on the other hand, blushed a little and coughed. "As I was saying..."

"I mean it! Really, I will! You just say when and where, and I'll talk to the bartender, and--"

"Boromir, _shut up_."

"...who are you to tell me to shut up?"

"Well, in case you didn't know, I'm a princess, and you're not!"

"Eowyn's a princess?" I whispered to Legolas. The elf shrugged, "No idea."

"She's bluffing", Haldir cut in. "Oh, this is _so_ good!" Meanwhile, the dispute went on...

"And I'm a prince!"

"Really?" Legolas whispered to me. "I thought he was a stewart..."

"I'm an elf maiden!"

"I have a castle!"

"I have pointy ears!"

"I have a horn!"

"I'm immortal!"

"I have a sense of humor!"

"I have a flying broomstick!"

"I woke up this morning!"

"I met Mickey Mouse when I was five!"

"Guys, guys..." I cut in, standing up and placing myself between the two. "You're drifting away from the point!"

"Big time", Legolas added. 

"Just read the story, Elrohir", Elrond said, throwing meaningful glares at Arwen and Boromir and doing his wild eyebrow dance thingy, "and we will judge."

"All right then..." Elrohir sighed. "Here we go."

_Pink! Purple! Pink! ...Aw, forget it, just go for blue, OK...?_

_It was a beautiful day: the sun was shining, the birds were singing, Arwen was screaming... Okay, so the day wasn't that beautiful. In fact, it wasn't beautiful at all. On the contrary - it was the worst day of my life._

_"I can't find my lipstick!" my sister shouted, rummaging wildly through the pile various articles of make-up on her bed. _

_"And what am I supposed to do...?" I asked meekly. I knew better than to upset Arwen when she was like this. Come to think of it, she should have worn a T-shirt that said, 'Danger! Explosives!' or something like that. _

_"I don't know, look for it!"_

_"I already did", I said, pointing towards another pile of make-up articles laying on the floor. "Not there. And-" I pointed to a third, larger pile on the desk "-not there, either."_

_"And it's not here, either..." Arwen looked thoughtful for a second, and then her expression changed suddenly. "Elrohir..." she began in a sing-song voice, "...will you do something for me? Pretty please with cherries on top?"_

_"Eh...?" was the only answer I could think of. 'Run! Run away! Run away now!' a small voice at the back of my head was screaming, but Arwen was standing between me and the door, and the window was too high for me to jump through and hope to land safely... come to think of it, it was above a lake, but since I couldn't swim, the outcome of my jump would have been the same - death on the spot. _

_"Good! Now here's what I want you to do--"_

_"Hold on, I didn't say anything!" _

_'Bad move, stupid!' the little voice in my head burst out, but it was already too late. Arwen was looking at me - no, _staring_ at me like an orc nearing his prey. "What was that...?" she asked - or rather, hissed._

_"Nothing?" I yelped, backing away. "So, what was it that you wanted me to do?"_

_"Well..." she resumed the sing-song voice "...could you pretty please run over to Ethalien's shop and buy me another one? I have a date with Ellessar at five, and I really, really need it!"_

_"Ellessar?" I repeated, dumbfolded. "That mortal guy who has a crush on you?"_

_"Yes, him! Please...?"_

_"But Ethalien's shop is at the other end of Rivendell forest!" I argued. "Why don't you just send me all the way to Mount Doom?"_

_"Because there are no cosmetics shops there!"_

_'Duh', I thought. Trust Arwen to misunderstand sarcasm. "Okay..." I said resignedly. What color do you want it to be?"_

_"Umm... let me think... pink. No, purple. No... wait... pink. Yep, pink. Definitely pink."_

_I looked at her warily, "Are you sure?"_

_"Yep. Absolutely. Pink. I mean, wait... no... still, wouldn't purple look nicer?"_

_"Whatever you say..." I muttered._

_"Okay then, purple. I mean, no, pink. Purple. Pink..."_

_"For Elbereth's sake..."_

_"Sorry, I made up my mind now. Pink."_

_"Are you sure?" I asked._

_"Yes."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Really really?"_

_"Really really."_

_I sighed, and then I exited and, taking Asfaloth from the stables (I sincerely hoped Glorfindel wouldn't mind, or else I was a dead elf), began my long journey to Ethaien's shop. It took me two full hours to get there, half an hour to make the buy, and another two hours to return to Rivendell. By the end of this time, I was dead tired, and so was Asfaloth. Finally, I made my way to Arwen's room and handed her the lipsick. Then, I collapsed on her bed. _

_"What's this?" she asked, eyeing the lipstick eerily."_

_"Pink lipstick, like you said", I breathed. All I wanted was to close my eyes and be no more..._

_"Pink? But I asked for purple!"_

_I jumped up, "No you didn't! You said pink!"_

_"Purple!"_

_"Pink!"_

_"Purple!"_

_"Aw, forget it!" I shouted. "Just go for the blue, OK?" With that, I stormed out of the room, leaving a very startled Arwen behind._

_~ The End ~_

"Wow!" Boromir burst out, as soon as Elrohir finished, seconded by everyone else except for Arwen. "That was awesome! Whoever said that elves don't have a sense of humor should be skinned and hanged by his toes from Isengard! You rule!"

"That was great", I said, shaking Elrohir's hand vigorously. "You really do have a talent for humor."

Elrohir nodded, "Thanks!"

"Legolas, what happened to the tip of your ears?" Haldir asked innocently. 

The elf glared at him, "Whaddaya mean?"

"Whaddaya mean what do I mean?"

"I mean, whaddaya mean?"

"Well, why are they so red?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, I get it... Legolas is jealous!"

"Shut up!"

"Come on, just admit it! You're going steady!"

"Shut up", I cut in, sitting down between him and Legolas. "And... what if we are?" I asked after a second, more to myself than to Haldir. "It's my life, I can do whatever the heck I want... and so can he."

Haldir raised an eyebrow. "Hear, hear..." he said. Then, he turned his back on us and did some final retouches to his story. He was next.

__________________

**Author's Note**: Wazzup! Guess what: Legolas and I are going steady! ...hehe, you really fell for that? Well, too bad. This is Boromir of Gondor, who again must do the review responses because--*Odeena bursts in*--uh, never mind, gotta go, bye!   
Odeena: *rolls eyes* That guy is SO going to get a nasty fanfic soon... Anyway, just ignore what he wrote about me and the elf. Legolas and I are NOT - and I repeat, are NOT - going steady. The end. Period. And now for the review responses: 

** Kendria Erleine:** Well, even though I've heard (or, better said, read) the 'I-love-your-fic' line a billion times, as you say, I don't mind reading it over and over again! ^_^ About that part with Eowyn and Elrohir... let's just say it was a sick supposition of Haldir's, OK? So far... *insert evil grin here*

** Devie Saves: **Hi, Frodo here... So, it's lillies then... *wanders off to find Sam and ask him to make a nice lillies bouquet for the 'Fangirls and Fellowship go steady' interlude* 

** Morwen de Cearo: **Well... where should I start? First of all, thank you for your very long and very nice review! ^_^ The 'Fangirls and the Fellowship go steady' interlude was an idea that originally came from Devie Saves... err, I mean, from Linwe ^_^ - and yes, it is an evil one. So do you want to take part in it? And if you do, who do you want to be your date? Haldir? Or someone else? Let me know! ^_^ Oh, and one more thing: all computers are evil! Mine always crashes at the worst possible time... 

** hornofgondor2 : **Hmm... is it just me, or do you have a *serious* crush on Borry... err, I mean, Boromir? ^_^

** kalathetrumpeter: **Yes, I'm going from both the movies and the books. And don't worry, I'll keep going!

** Seto's angel: **Thank you! I always update as soon as I can, it's just that many times I just don't have the time or inspiration to write... Sorry if it takes me so long to update every time. 

** ApocalypticPyro: **I've got Legolas? Whaddaya mean I've got Legolas? For the last time, the elf and I... okay, this is pointless. Maybe we *are* going steady (go figure... I'll be hunted by a mob of fangirls as soon as I post this chapter ^_^) Anyway, about the e-mail... well, I didn't receive anything from you... tell you what: try to e-mail me again at odeena_kissme@yahoo.com. This time it's got to work! 

** Kendria Erleine: **Let's see now...  
1) Nope, you didn't review chapter 10... glad you did it now ^_^  
2) Yep, that's how the whole LatRMUF thing started. And yes, I know, I'm evil...  
3) I asked the elf, and he said no. The stories that *do* give him headaches are as follows: Mary Sue stories, death scenes, torture scenes, corny romance stories, stories in which a long lost sister/brother/cousin/second cousin etc. shows up etc. 

** Omega XSabre: **Thanks! 

** Crystalline4: **Well, if you do decide to take up Boromir's offer, be on the look out for competition... looks like hornofgondor2 has something in mind, too! ^_^

** starz of twilight: **Thanks - yes, Eowyn is sister to Eomer... what did I say? 

** Voldie On Varsity Track: **Eh... Frodo is a woman...? O_o I've heard about men in drag, but... eh... okay, never mind that... sorry to hear about your computer problems... man, is everyone having computer trouble these days?! ...oh, and what's a minstrel? 


	14. Interlude: 100!

Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at http:rev.fineststars.com) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name 

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: 100!

**Real life (or something)...**

Odeena: is writing the next chapter of 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!', listening to Sepultura and humming Roots, bloody roots... 

?: Knock, knock!

Odeena: Who's there?

?: Merry!

Odeena: Merry who?

Merry: climbs in through the Legolas-shaped hole in the door that the elf made in the first interlude of the ficcie Merry Brandybuck, how many other Merrys are there?

Odeena: sigh Doesn't anyone know the 'Merry Christmas' line...?

Merry: utterly confused Christmas...?

Odeena: Nope, nobody knows it. So, what do you want?

Merry: Well, I came to congratulate you. Way to go!

Odeena: arches an eyebrow, much like Elrond does Congratulate me for...?

Merry: ...you mean you don't know?

Odeena: Know what?

Merry: Come on, you _really_ don't know?

Odeena: What? Know what?

Haldir: peeks in through the hole in the door Way to go, girl!

Boromir: shoves Haldir aside, and then rushes in Most sincere congratulations! I always knew you could do it! You rule!

Odeena: Do what?

Boromir: raves on You know, from the very first fic I read from you, I said to myself, 'This girl has talent'! And now you've proven it!

Saruman: teleports in Congratulations, child! I am very proud of you!

Gimli: opens the door and slams it just as Legolas is trying to get in the room as well Congratulations!

Legolas: muffled ... my nose...

Gollum: jumps through the hole in the door, crashes into Gimli's feet and knocks himself out

Sam: tries desperately to fit through the hole in the door and ends up getting stuck Congratulations, Odeena... eh... could somebody please help me?

Aragorn: climbs through the window What IS going on here? Oh, and by the way, Odeena, congratulations.

Odeena: What the heck is everybody talking about?

Legolas: opens the door Odeena, have you heard--

Sam: LOOK OUT! his head bangs against the wall, and the impact is so strong that it throws him through the hole and into the room Ow...

Legolas: Eh... sorry about that...

Faramir: runs in Congratulat-- trips over Sam --aaah! falls over Gollum, who has just regained consciousness

Gollum: Preciouss... faints again

Elrond: ceremoniously walks in, steps over Sam, Faramir and Gollum and shakes Odeena's hand Congratulations, my child.

Odeena: ...I won't even bother to ask what for, since it seems that nobody wants to tell me...

Arwen: runs in, trips over the sleeves of her dress, falls through the floor and into the basement, which is actually the lair of an elf-eating demon Aaah! gets eaten

Eowyn: pets the demon Good boy, Fluffy. Here's a cookie.

Fluffy: Cookie... purrr

Odeena: pathetically Okay, will somebody _ please_ tell me what the hell are you congratulating me about?

Everyone stops whatever they were doing and stare at Odeena

Legolas: You mean you don't know?

Odeena: throws him an 'I'm-gonna-bite-your-head-off' look No, I don't know.

Legolas: 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' just went over 100 reviews!

Odeena: chokes What...?

Gandalf: He said, 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' just went over 100 reviews. Congratulations.

Odeena: Oh... my... gosh... faints

Gandalf: glares at Legolas I told you to break it to her gently...

_**Author's Note**: This interlude is written in honor of the fact that The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers got over 100 reviews! (and has 104 reviews at the moment!). It's pure randomness, so I hope you like it! I'm going to Italy for the next ten days, so this story won't be updated for a while... but fear not! I shall return, and with lots of new ideas, too! On other news, me and ApocalypticPyro began a Prequel to the Green Dragon Party interlude, which you can find under the penname 'The Fellowship Reincarnate'. Go see! And now for the review responses... huggies all her reviewers I wuv you guys! _

** Omega XSabre: **I want some coffee, too! And yes, I do know how men feel about make-up... come to think about it, the only make-up I ever use is goth make-up, so I guess I'd never have to chose between pink or purple... 

** Seto's angel: **Well, you must be talking about Boromir and Arwen, who, mentally speaking, are about five or six years old... Okay, that was just the product of a hyper-imaginative mind on a coffee binge. Can't argue with the effects though.

** Mercury Gray: **Genius...? Thanks! And... we have a third fangirl who claims ownership on Boromir... perhaps before the 'Fellowship and Fangirls go steady' interlude I should get around to writing a 'Who-owns-Boromir' interlude... 

** Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf: **Yep, that's definitely a Kodak moment. You could frame the photo and hang it in your room, and underneath it write, 'A Historic Moment: The Battle between Boromir, Stewart of Gondor, and The Evil Hedge'! 

** kalathetrumpeter: **Elrohir here. Thank you!

** Kekelina: **Elessar: pushes Elrohir away from the keyboard Hi! So you're coming then? Great! Hey, just for a sneak peek, the interlude is coming right after Haldir's story and--notices Odeena glaring at him--uh... sorry, got to go. And yes, I almost did stab Frodo. Ciao!

** Morwen de Cearo: **Thank you for your very long and very nice review! Let's see: I'm a mentally unstable freak who has timidity issues, too, and I also rave when I'm on a coffee binge coughlike I am nowcough, so maybe we're astral twins! And yes, sometimes I do pity Arwen, too... very, very rarely... Finally... me, the Comedy Queen....? dreamy sigh I wish...

** Kendria Erleine: **Uh... no, you don't sound ditzy at all! In fact... I love people who rant, since I'm one of them! And thank you 10x for your appreciation! 

** Filia Regalis: **Hi, Faramir here. I'm OK except for the fact that Boromir is playing Manowar at top volume on his WindowsXP account on the computer and there's not a thing in the world I can do about it, since lots of people around here seem to like Manowar... cough Anyway, looking forward to meeting you in that 'Fellowship and Fangirls go steady' interlude! Bye!

** MimblyThing: **Hey, fellow intergalactic coffee addict! Thanks for your appreciation, and... err... I think Boromir said that he met Mickey Mouse and Arwen said that she had a flying broomstick... or was it the other way round? o I need my lecitine... 

** ApocalypticPyro: **Thank you! For all the people: whoever wants to be in the Green Dragon Party Prequel that me and Pyro are writing, put up your hands! Chapter one is up under the penname 'The Fellowship Reincarnate', chapter two is on its way! 

** Jade, The BAD Twin: **Thank you! ...and by the way, I absolutely love your penname! 

** hornofgondor2: **First of all, Happy Birthday from me and the entire Fellowship, and a big hug from Boromir! Eh... sure, you can be in the interlude... that is, if Boromir doesn't mind a double date! By the way, what's your actual name, so I can use it in the interlude? Or how would you like coughBoronator (luved that nick!)cough to call you? Let me know! 


	15. Where Haldir gets in BIG trouble

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 11: Where Haldir gets in BIG trouble 

"You know, getting interrupted just when you are about to begin reading your story seems to be a trend", Haldir muttered, rolling his eyes, as a loud bellow came from upstairs.

"What in the name of Elbereth was _that_?" Legolas asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"You're not scared, are you?" Gimli taunted him.

"Me, scared? Dream on, dwarf... You, on the other hand, are shaking like a leaf."

"Speaking of leaves, at least _my_ name is not 'Green Leaf'. What kind of name is that?"

"An _elven _name, thank you very much", Legolas answered proudly. "And what kind of name is 'Gimli'? It sounds like 'Mickey Mouse'!"

I sighed, "Knock it off. Haldir, that was either a cave troll or my sister. And since a cave troll could never fit upstairs, I'd say it was my sister. In which case, I'd say that you're in trouble. _Big_ trouble."

The bellow came again, and this time I distinguished the words, "Haldir of Lorien, you get your elven hide up here _right now_!"

"Yep", I said. "You're definitely in trouble."

I don't think I mentioned my elder sister before. Her name is Willow (Will for short... I like to call her Wumpa, and she hates me for that), and she's more LotR obsessed than I could ever be. Basically, she knows all the books by heart, Silmarillion is her bible, and she has a serious obsession for elves. Well, all but a particular one. Guess who that would be.

"Uh... could you come with me?" Haldir asked meekly. "Please...?"

If there's one thing in the world that makes Haldir want to look for a rock to hide under, that's Wumpa. I shrugged, "What did you do _this_ time?"

"Nothing, I swear!"

"Oh yeah? Then why does she sound like she wants to poke your eyes out with a fork and have them for breakfast?"

Haldir shuddered. "I don't want to know..."

I sat up and sighed again. "Okay, elf. Let's go."

"Okay", Haldir said, or rather whimpered miserably. I could tell he was _not _happy about this.

We made our way upstairs and to Wumpa's door, whose every inch was covered with posters and prints from - yes, you guessed it, Lord of the Rings. Before either of us got a chance to knock, the door jerked open, and my sister appeared in the doorframe.

"Get in here", she said, glaring at Haldir. "And... what do _you _want?" she asked in an annoyed voice, turning to me.

"I'm with him", I said. "What did he do?"

"What did he do? _What did he do_?" Wumpa was screaming at the top of her lungs. "_This_!" she yelled, jerking one hand to point behind her and towards the inside of her room.

"This - what?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

Wumpa groaned and dragged me inside. Once there, my jaw dropped two levels below the basement of the house. "What... what happened here?" I staggered. The rook looked like it had been devastated by Saruman's army of Uruk-Hai. Compared to it, my own room was a monument to tidiness. "Hold on", I said, snapping out of it . "What makes you think that Haldir was the one to--"

"I _know _it was him!" Wumpa yelled. "I _saw _him!"

"I was just looking for Silmarillion!" Haldir protested.

"And you did _this_?" I asked. Now _I _was the one who wanted to poke his eyes out with a fork and have them for breakfast.

"I was desperate!" he muttered, shifting his foot.

"Why?" both me and Wumpa asked at the same time.

"Uh... because I made a bet with Gimli about something, and I didn't want to lose."

"About what?"

"I can't tell."

I rolled my eyes. "You're on your own, elf", I said, turning around. "See you when you're done cleaning Wumpa's room."

"_Willow_", my sister bellowed.

"Will", I said with a shrug. "Don't be too hard on him", I added, feeling a sudden compassion towards the elf.

"I won't." Wumpa grinned evilly. "I _promise_." I didn't like that grin, and neither did Haldir, judging by the desperate look he threw at me. But this was already out of my hands. I waved him good-bye, and then closed the door.

"What happened?" several voices asked once I got downstairs. "Where's Haldir?"

"He'll be... busy for a while", I said with a sigh. "So, anyone else finished yet?"

"_Ahem_. This is _my_ line, thank you very much", Elrond interjected, standing up. "Has anyone else finished yet?"

"I'm almost done", Frodo said. "Just a few more lines..."

"Me too", Faramir said.

"All right then - we shall wait."

"And get a snack", Arwen said, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

"And get the Preciousss", Gollum hissed, with no connection to the subject.

Silence.

"Anyone wants to play strip poker...?" Boromir asked, as innocently as possible.

Several elves glared at him. Eowyn gave him a noogie and muttered, "Shut up."

_**Author's Note**: I'm back! Did y'all miss me? Of course you did. Here's a new chappie... and I have good news (?): before the 'Fellowship and Fangirls go steady' interlude there will be a 'Who-owns-Boromir' interlude, where one - and ONLY one - fangirl will be chosen as the official owner of Boromir of Gondor. Not that he wouldn't mind a multiple date coughhewouldloveitcough. So if you want to take part in the interlude announce it in your reviews, and also say why you want to own Boromir. As for those of you who don't win... well, there's always other guys in the Fellowship! Or you could just stalk Boronator... coughthanx Julcough The best motivation has the best chance. The rest is up to Mother Randomness... And now for the review responses:_

_**Voldie On Varsity Track: **Oh, right! A singer! Congrats for your mum (BTW, what kind of cellphone is it...?), and I have a backpack for sale if you want _

_**Crystalline4: **Apology accepted, don't worry And Boromir says hi. As for Haldir, he's too busy with my physics homework right now. Today I decided to give Legolas a day off..._

_**Kekelina: **I don't really know how I do it... I just type my stories in coughtheevilcough Microsoft Word coughEVIL!cough and then bold and italic characters work. By the way, did I say that Microsoft Word is EVIL? ...because I lost the stupid serial number, and I can't install it without it... . whistles Time to go to that software pirate guy again...sigh Pirate... Jack Sparrow... whacks herself Sorry about that, too much coffee again _

_**BrittanyJadeRene= confusion: **ROFLMAOKAS! I like this one even better! ...are you really a triplet? ...and say hi to Brittany and Rene for me! _

_**kalathetrumpeter: **Hmm... essentially when you write a crossover it can only be read by people who know something about both elements that are being crossed over Otherwise, you can get the readers pretty confused. For instance, if I wrote a crossover between Lord of the Rings and Legacy of Kain, I don't think many people would know what I'm talking about. (although LotR and LoK clearly don't mix...)_

_**Filia Regalis: **You saw a guy that looks like Luke Skywalker? sigh Maybe it was him... talk about long lost brothers...  
Legolas: rolls eyes Stop daydreaming. Luke Skywalker is not your long lost brother.  
...But... but... it says it all in my birth certificate! Darth Vader is my father, so Luke Skywalker is my brother!  
Legolas: o..._

_**hornofgondor2**: Thankies!_

_**Tinánia Legolinde: **Hi! First of all, I love your penname. Really, I do. Second, me and the elf are NOT going steady.  
Boromir: Yes they are.  
No we're not.  
Boromir: Oh quit denying it, everybody knows it!  
Gimmie a break. So, back to you, Tin... You can be in the Fellowship, but it would be cool if you could give me some more details as to what you would like to do there. Do you want to be an author, a watcher, a Legolas stalker (I think that would be it), an obsessed Legolas stalker (even better)... eh... let me know, OK?_

_**Omega XSabre: **grins sheepishly Oops... sorry... fixed that... thanks for letting me know _

_**midnitest4z: **Thanks! Eh... your name's Laurie, just like the Munchkin Spawn of Satan (my cousin)...? Poor, unfortunate soul... Okay, just kidding _

_**Morwen de Cearo: **As always, thank you! _

_**Kendria Erleine: **Thanks! If I'll ever get 200 reviews... sigh that would be a day to remember. I recall once I saw a LotR fanfic which had about 200 reviews, and my jaw dropped. It was around the time when I started 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!_', _and I was thinking, 'What if, one day, my fanfic will have 200 reviews, too...' crosses fingers Well, we'll wait and see! _

**_spastikLeggyluver_**: Thanks!


	16. The short memory of Rosie Gamgee

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 12: The short memory of Rosie Gamgee

"Just out of curiosity, what _did_ happen to Haldir, after all?" Arwen enquired after several minutes of silence, interrupted only by occasional thumps and bumps coming from upstairs.

"Oh, nothing much", I said casually, at the same time shrugging my shoulders. "He just messed up Wumpa's room, that's all."

At the mentioning of Wumpa's name, all the elves present shuddered, and Frodo half hid behind Sam. I couldn't suppress an evil smirk. "So, elf", I asked, turning to Legolas, who was scribbling frantically - or rather, as I noticed cutting what he had written before wit ha thick black line - "how would you like a romance fic with _her_?"

Much to my surprise, Legolas just shrugged and said, "Whatever you say."

"What's the matter, Legolas?" I asked in a whisper, moving closer to him.

"Nothing much", he answered with a sigh. "It's just that - well - I simply can't write."

"Oh, come _on_! Everyone can write! Even Gollum!"

"Preciouss!" hissed Gollum, with no connection whatsoever to the subject.

"Yeah, everyone but me."

"Get a grip."

Fortunately, before this talk could get any more depressing, Pippin jerked his hand up and yelled, "Finished!"

"OW!" Arwen, who was sitting next to him, complained, covering her ultra-sensitive elven ears.

"Sorry", muttered Pippin, looking utterly abashed. "So, can I read my story now?" he asked, bouncing up and down.

"Just so you know, I finished, too", Faramir muttered sulkily.

"Aw, don't worry, bro', you'll get to read your story in the end", Boromir said mockinly, patting Faramir's head protectively.

"Shut up", both Eowyn and Faramir said at the same time.

"You know, I don't give a worn-off orc boot about _him_", Boromir said, pointing to Faramir, which earned him a dirty look. "But for you, lovely lady..." He made a courteous bow. "...Anything."

"Enough!" Elrond said with as much dignity as he could muster, his eyebrows coming together to form a thick line across his forehead. "Peregrin Took, you may begin."

"Corny!" me, Boromir and Gimli said at the same time. Then, we all burst into giggles, which were cut off by an offended look from Elrond, whose eyebrows seemed to get thicker than usual. Resignedly, we all sat back and listened as Pippin began to read.

_The short memory of Rosie Gamgee_

_- by yours truely, Peregrin J. Took the Third -_

_** Monday...**_

_Rosie: Sammy!_

_Sam: ...Yes?_

_Rosie: Are you busy?_

_Sam: who is shaving himself, although hobbits hardly ever grow beards Umm, yes, why?_

_Rosie: Can I ask you something?_

_Sam: Well, ask me!_

_Rosie: Okay... You know, the garden's a bit dull with all those white flowers. So I say, let's liven things up a little! For instance, you can plant some red tulips along the fence, some lillies around the house and some white and pink roses next to that blueberry bush. Could you do that? Please...?_

_Sam: Okay._

_** Tuesday...**_

_Rosie: Eh... Sammy?_

_Sam: who is reading his paper and smoking his pipe Mmmmmm? translation: Yes, dear?_

_Rosie: You did a wonderful job on the garden, honey, but... you see... this wasn't quite what I asked you to do. I told you to plant pink tulips along the fence, two rows of white lillies around the house and a rose bush next to the blueberry bush._

_Sam: Mmmmmm! translation: Uh... you didn't say _that_..._

_Rosie: Yes I did! Don't you remember?_

_Sam: Mmm. tranlsation: Nope. Mmmm mmm mmmmm. Translation: I did what you told me to do, and what you said was--_

_Rosie: No, I'm pretty sure that's not what I told you to do. Anyway... could you pretty please do it now?_

_Sam: sigh Mmmmm. translation: Yes dear._

_ **Wednesday...**_

_Rosie: Sam...? _

_Sam: who is watching the finals of the Middle-Earth football championship ...yes...?_

_Rosie: I... really don't know how to tell you this... you see... I love what you've done with the garden, I really do... but it's not what I told you to do!_

_Sam: ...sorry, I'll fix it later..._

_Rosie: But I'm having some friends over! I really want to impress them with your gardening skills! Please...?_

_Sam: ...I'm watching the game...!_

_Rosie: takes the remote and turns off the TV No you're not._

_Sam: deep sigh All right... how do you want it?_

_Rosie: Well, let's see now: yellow tulips along the fence, white lillies and roses around the house, and a few daisies around the blueberry bush... how's that?_

_Sam: That's not what you told me yesterday._

_Rosie: ...it's not? scratches forehead Anyway, hurry up! My friends will be here soon!_

_Sam: sigh Yes dear._

_ **Thursday...**_

_Rosie: Samwise?_

_Sam: who is cooking - or rather, trying to cook - a cake after a special recipe from Gondor Yes?_

_Rosie: The garden looks wonderful!_

_Sam: Thanks._

_Rosie: But there's still one thing wrong._

_Sam: groans What?_

_Rosie: The lillies and roses. I wanted them to be pink, not white._

_Sam: Hold on. You said you wanted _white_ roses and lillies, that I remember perfectly._

_Rosie: Um, no I didn't... did I?_

_Sam: emphatically You did._

_Rosie: No I didn't. Could you change them... please?_

_Sam: bangs his head on the table Mmmmmfff... oww... translation: Yes dear... ow..._

_ **Friday...**_

_Rosie: Sam!_

_Sam: shouting from the shower What?_

_Rosie: Get over here!_

_Sam: mutters irreproducible stuff as he drapes himself in a towel and obeys Yes, dear, what is it now?_

_Rosie: What's with all these pink flowers around the house?_

_Sam: rolls his eyes They're there because you told me to plant pink flowers around the house, and so I did._

_Rosie: I never told you _that_!_

_Sam: Yes you did!_

_Rosie: Really? When?_

_Sam: Yesterday! You told me yesterday!_

_Rosie: Umm... maybe... but I hate pink... it's so girlish! Could you please plant red roses instead?_

_Sam: through gritted teeth Yes dear._

_ **Saturday...**_

_Rosie: Sammy...?_

_Sam: runs and hides in the nearest closet_

_Rosie: ...where is that hobbit? Anyway, in case he is hiding somewhere... shouting I really love the garden, honey! It's perfect!_

_Sam: comes out of the closet Really?_

_Rosie: Yes! hugs Sam_

_Sam: sigh Thank you, dear..._

_ **Sunday...**_

_Rosie: Sam... Sam, darling, wake up! Sam!_

_Sam: mmmMMMmmm... translation: I don't wanna wake up... go away..._

_Rosie: Something terrible happened!_

_Sam: ...what?_

_Rosie: Bill Took's pony escaped last night and messed-up the entire garden... so you'll have to make it look exactly the same way it was before this afternoon... I think we had pink lillies along the fence, red tulips around the house and a rose bush next to the blueberries... or was that the lillies? Hmm..._

_Sam: That's it. packs his bags and leaves for Gondor, where he lives happily ever after until the end of his unnaturally long days_

_ The End _

"Genius!" Boromir shouted, clapping his hands at the same time.

"I hate you", Sam muttered, hiding his face in his hands.

"Eh... what's with you?" Boromir asked, arching an eyebrow.

"He _swore_ he'd never make that incident public... ever..."

"Hold on", I said. "You mean to tell me that this thing actually happened?"

"Yes", Sam groaned miserably.

At this, I couldn't help it and I burst out laughing, and the rest of the Fellowship did the same. Sam groaned again, but eventually he began to laugh, too.

"Poor guy", Legolas whispered in my ear. "You see, that's why I never got married. Imagine spending an eternity with such a wife..."

By the time, I was practically rolling on the floor with laughter, together with the rest of the guys. Finally, when things settled down, Faramir stood up. "My fellow writers", he started with emphasis, "I have a very special announcement to make."

"Well, make it already!" Aragorn cut in anxiously.

"Okay... I'm going to get a snack." And with that, Faramir exited, leaving the stunned Aragorn jaw-hanging and the rest of us barely able to restrain our giggles and chuckles.

"I like that guy", Eowyn said eventually. "He's got style."

Elrohir immediately made a face, but regained his composure just as quick. As for me, I exchanged a glare with Legolas, and then we both burst out laughing. This was turning interesting...

_**Author's Note**: Okay, slight correction for the last chap... it was Pippin, not Frodo, who had finished his fic... sorry :) Moving on, sorry for the long wait - again - ... The next chapter will be the 'Who-owns-Boromir' interlude, so if you haven't stated your reason for which you want to own him, do it now! :) I hope you liked the chapter, so please review! And the review responses are as follows: _

_**Omega XSabre****: **__Okay, here we go:  
1) Thanks for your review... hey, if you want to, I can send my pet nazgul to rescue you from that rafter... if you're not scared of heights that is... Hmm... there's a great idea for the interlude, thanks!  
2) Yep, Haldir did mess up this time... just wait to see what happens next! insert a devil smiley here...  
3) Okay  
4) Arwen SR Raziel = BAD idea (if you mean the 'fallen version') ... but if it were the pre-fallen version... then I'd kill Arwen, take a permanent poly-juice potion (I'll bribe Snape into inventing one) and take her place for eternity... :)_

_**necromancer****: **__Well, if you want Boromir only for that, then you can have him! Just you wait for the interlude... tee hee... :)_

_**midnite st4rz**: __'Kay! Anything in particular you want to do in the interlude...? _

_**Morwen de Cearo****: **__Yep, I really am going to write the interlude... I think it's a really humorous idea. And think of the posibilities... ):) If you want to be in it, it's no problem! The pleasure's all mine! coughandElladan'scough Thank you! I'm really glad that you appreciate my work! :)_

**_Filia Regalis_**_: No kidding! Well then, I would definitely like to meet this Zach Skywalker guy :) Maybe he is my long lost brother after all... _

_**spastikLeggyluver****: **__'Kay... you're in next time the boys play strip poker... I can't go because I'm underage and Gandalf is a jerk sulks Although he's probably overage for this kind of stuff... lol. Anyway, you'll be in the interlude, too! :) And the idea about Gimliland is just fab! :)_

_**ApocalypticPyro****: **__Thank you, and good job on your chapter of 'A Series of Drunken Events'! :)_

_**Voldie On Varsity Track****: **__giggles at the mental pictures Oh you are SO killing me! Denethor with granny panties! LOL! ...anyway, you'll be in the 'Who-owns-Boromir' interlude as a Faramir stalker then? :)_

_**Kekelina****: **__ You love captain Jack Sparrow? I love Will Turner... drool ...anyway, I won't tell the elf, don't worry :) And I'll get Haldir away from Wumpa as soon as I can! :)_

**_Crystalline4_**_: Noted! looks at the list Man... the competition to own Boromir is going to be SO funny... :)_

_**hornofgondor2****: **__0... wow... you really DO want to own Boromir, don't you? Well, we'll just wait and see... you have big chances though... :) _


	17. Interlude: Who owns Boromir? Part one

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: Who owns Boromir? (part one)

Bob the Narrator: Hello, everybody! My name is Bob, and I'm the narrator of this story.

Legolas: rolls his eyes Well, I'm ready to bet my life that we never would've guessed _that_.

Bob: Really?

Legolas: ...no.

Bob: Oh. Anyway, the aim of this interlude is to decide, once and for all time, the official owner of Boromir, Stewart of Gondor.

Legolas: Um... Bob? No offense, but the readers can tell that from the title.

Bob: ...righty. Excuse me then. In that case, without farther ado--

Legolas: mutters Lame Shakespeare ripoff...

Bob: --let's get it on!

Legolas: And that was a perfect Celebrity Deathmatch ripoff. Damn it, Bob, can't you get yourself an _original_ line?

Bob: Hey, I just stick to the script here, OK?

Legolas: So? Never heard of improvising before?

Bob: Well, I'm not paid to do that!

Legolas: Then you should do it for free! Improvising is the sugar and spice of a show!

Bob: Oh, for crying out loud...

**[ As Bob and Legolas continue their argument, the camera shifts to a large amphitheater, much like a modern-day Colosseum. It's dark, and although the tribunes are full, there are hardly any sounds coming from the audience, except for an occasional cough or rustle of a paper bag here and there. The camera pans over the crowd, zooming in on a group of Legolas fangirls, passing quickly over Saruman, who seems to have fallen asleep in his seat while reading a magazine, focusing for several seconds on an orc who proudly wears an 'I-love-Arwen' T-shirt and finally coming to a stop directly above the stage. ]**

**[ Several second pass, and then comes a drumroll - and the stage is lit by several of Gandalf's magical flames. Some cheesy music begins to play. ]**

Bob: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host for tonight - Odeena Skywalker!

**[ The audience cheers as Odeena runs on stage. ]**

Odeena: waves

Bob: And now, let's give it a warm hand for Odeena's co-host - Faramir!

**[ A smiling Faramir appears and is welcomed by a mixture of cheers and screams from the crowd. ]**

Faramir: Good evening everyone!

**[ More cheers. Several fangirls faint. ]**

**[ Eventually... ]**

Odeena: Thank you! First of all, I'd like to thank you all for coming here tonight.

Faramir: But then again, if you hadn't come, you would have missed the fun of your lives, so it is really you who should be thinking us. various chuckles and giggles from the audience Anyway, like Bob said in the beginning, tonight we decide who will own my brother Boromir from now on.

Odeena: I can tell you that the fight is going to be tough. The odds are tight, so don't blink, or you might miss something of capital importance.

Faramir: And now, without anything else, let us welcome our competitors!

Odeena: First, we have Julia a.k.a. hornofgondor2, who would do absolutely anything to own Boromir.

Faramir: Now who would be _that_ desperate?

Odeena: A true fangirl, I'd say.

**[ Julie comes on stage and is greeted by cheers and encouragements from the crowd. ] **

Faramir: Next, we have Crystalline, who some of you probably know already from the Green Dragon Party interlude.

Odeena: Crystalline would like to own Boromir because she's always wanted to have her very own Man of Gondor.

Faramir: She could take me instead, I don't mind!

**[ Crystalline appears and receives the same warm welcome ]**

Faramir: Moving on, here's someone who would like to own Boromir for an entirely different reason.

Odeena: spastikLeggyluver wants to own him so she can enslave him and make him scrub the basement floor.

Faramir: I really hope she wins...

**[ ****spastikLeggyluver** **arrives and takes her designated place, largely cheered for by the crowd ]**

Odeena: And finally, we have a fangirl who wants to hold him hostage and then trade him for Faramir.

Faramir: Oh, dear...

Odeena: chuckles Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome - necromancer!

**[ necromancer comes on stage and bows as the crowd cheers some more ]**

Odeena: ...And that's about it with the contestants.

Faramir: Thank goodness...

Odeena: What? Are you suddenly feeling sorry for your brother?

Faramir: chuckles Of all the unexpected things, yes, I am! Can you believe it?

Odeena: Well, anything could happen, right? giggles Anyway, now that we have our competitors, let us welcome the jury!

Faramir: The wisest and most powerful wizard of all times - Gandalf the White!

Odeena: Known also as the oldest being in Middle Earth, although that's not officially proven yet - Treebeard!

Faramir: A special delegate from the Lord of the Rings Fans Association - midnitest4rz!

Odeena: And last, but not least... hold on.

Faramir: What?

Odeena: This cannot be.

Faramir: What is it?

Odeena: shifts through her clipboard This simply can't be... oh, I am _so_ gonna kill Gandalf for this!

Faramir: What? What happened?

Odeena: coughs As I was saying, the fourth, last and least member of the jury - my little sister, Laurie!

**[ Each member of the jury waves as his name is called - except for Laurie, who is too deeply engaged in her Gameboy to care about anything else ] **

Faramir: Finally, my brother Boromir, who is the object of this dispute, couldn't be here tonight because he was kidnapped by a band of desperate fangirls earlier today.

Odeena: But don't you folks worry - our special intervention team is already on the case.

Faramir: From what I know, 'Haldir's boys', as the team members like to call themselves, are already in hot pursuit of the fangirls on the highway. Live with us now is Haldir of Lorien, who is ready to give us more information.

**[ The camera switches to Haldir, who is wearing a black T-shirt that says 'Haldir's boys will kick your $$!' and is at the moment busy arranging his bangs ]**

Random extra elf: Umm... Haldir?

Haldir: absently What?

R.E.E.: You're live on TV...

Haldir: starts Oh! hides his mirror behind his back Hi there!

**[ Back at the amphitheatre, the fangirls go wild ]**

Random fangirl: Marry me, Haldir!

Odeena: How are things there?

Haldir: Well, we got them pretty much cornered. Sauron's cave trolls have blocked all the exits, and two of the Nazgul are surveying from above.

Faramir: A cheap replacement for helicopters, I'd say... grins

Haldir: So we'll get Boromir back soon enough. Although I'm not sure I want him back...

Odeena: chuckles Well, don't you worry, there's plenty of fangirls here who do.

Faramir: I completely agree with you!

Odeena: Anyway, thank you, Haldir. And now that that's settled - let the contest begin!

**[ Some cheesy TV-show-style music begins to play. The audience cheers. ]**

Odeena: For our first round, I would like each of you to step forward and tell us why you want to be the owner of Boromir.

Faramir: Remember, you will each have thirty seconds for this. Julie, you may begin.

Julie: Well... I wanna be the official owner of Borry! Why do I want to own him you ask? Well why not? He's hot, adorable, sexy, silly, cute, huggable, handsome, loving, sweet, yummy, funny, kindhearted, playful, gorgeous, attractive, loyal, devoted, caring, affectionate, brave, bold, amusing, faithful, _and_ he's got the Horn of Gondor! winks But besides all that he is my hero, the love of my life, the guy I obsess over every single moment of my life, my greatest obsession, and I would be heartbroken if I were not chosen to own Boromir of Gondor!

Odeena: chuckles There's definitely an interesting motivation!

Faramir: Crystalline?

Crystalline: Well... I would like to own him because I've always wanted to have my very own Man of Gondor. And he's not bad to look at either! grins

Faramir: If you want a man of Gondor, you could always pick me, you know...

Odeena: teasingly Remember, no flirting with the contestants!

Faramir: looking slightly abashed Oh. Sorry. spastikLeggyluver?

spastikLeggyluver: Like you already said, I want to enslave Boromir and make him scrub the basement floor! Mwahahahaha!

Faramir: I definitely agree with you on that one. And finally, necromancer?

necromancer: I don't want to do unspeakable things to Boromir, so you don't have to worry about that. I just want to hold him hostage, the ransom of which would be Faramir. Once I get Faramir, I'll let Boromir go happily to be devoured by his fangirls.

Odeena: Poor Boromir.

Faramir: Yeah... grins Anyway, that's it for our first round. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we will take a short break. Don't you move from your seats - we'll be right back!

Bob the Narrator: And this concludes part one of the 'Who owns Boromir' interlude. Stay tuned for more!

Legolas: groans Oh, could someone PLEASE throw this guy out the window...?

_Author's Note: Well, here's the first part of the Interlude, as I promised! Yet more randomness and funny stuff coming up in part two! So what do you think? Do you like it so far? Let me know! And thanks for reviewing go to:_

_**Miroku's Soul and Heart: **...And yet another fantastic penname! Don't worry, I'll keep writing... though I don't promise anything on the 'soon' part... I got a life to attend here, and lately it's been getting pretty busy... :)_

_**Crystalline4: **As you can see, you're in the contest... and yes, people should go read A Series of Drunken Events as well! For those of you who don't know it yet, ASODE is a Prequel to the Green Dragon Party interlude written by me and ApocalypticPyro! Go and check it out!_

_**Voldie on Varsity Track: **Hmm... maybe I'll do a 'Who-owns-Faramir' interlude, too... or not... I'll have to see about that... Anyway, Rosie resembles Dory a lot (by the way, I absolutely LOVED 'Finding Nemo'!) And I loved those disturbing mental images... lol!_

_**Kekelina: **Thanks 2x! By the way, was it your birthday? In this case - Happy Birthday from me and the Fellowship! :)_

_**ApocalypcitPyro: **Well... I'm sure Boromir is sorry for almost smashing your car :) I'll talk to Elrond and see if he wants to lend me Elrohir.. Elladan is already taken :) And one more thing: I'll write the next chapter of ASODE as soon as I get the chance! But I must finish a new chap for 'The Ring Goes To Italy', first... :)_

_**Filia Regalis**: Oh dear, another one who claims ownership of Faramir... Well, you and the other fangirls will just have to reach an agreement together... like, each one of you gets him for one day or something... :)_

_**hornofgondor2: **Well, here's the interlude! Hope you liked it! Stay tuned for part two... and don't worry, things will get much more interesting! :)_

_**Omega XSabre: **Let's see now: fallen Raziel Arwen = ... oh, my... goes to hide in the closet About your story, like I said, it's OK to write anything about me as long as I'm in it :) But if you do, maybe you could mention the fact that I have a mad crush on Rahab? :)_

_**midnitest4rz: **As you can see, you're in the interlude... and in part two you'll be both sarcastic and violent, trust me! :)_


	18. Interlude: Who owns Boromir? Part two

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: Who owns Boromir? (part two)

Bob the Narrator: We're back! As you can see, the competition to own Boromir is getting really tough, so don't blink, or you might miss something important!

Legolas: groans Odeena said that already...

Bob: Really? When?

Legolas: That's it. Somebody kill this guy, or I'll crack.

Bob: You know, you really are getting annoying.

Legolas: Look who's talking.

Bob: Listen, you! First of all, you shouldn't even be here, since **I**'m the narrator.

Legolas: Well, if you didn't do cheap ripoffs all the time, I wouldn't be here!

Bob: That's it! You want a piece of me, elf boy?

**[ Fortunately, just as Bob prepares to charge on the elf, the camera changes back to the stage of the amphitheatre. ]**

Faramir: We're back!

**[ The audience cheers. Several fangirls scream. ]**

Odeena: Naturally... Faramir, I can't believe it. You seem to be getting all the ladies.

Random weirdo in the audience who likes Gollum: Not all the ladies... preciousss...

Odeena: Erm... right. Anyway, for tonight's second round, we have--

Mercury Gray: runs in, waving arms wildly Wait for me! climbs into the arena, gasping for breath, tucks a stray hair behind her ear and taps Faramir on the shoulder. Ah, hi, Faramir, nice to meet you... listen... I guess I showed up late! I'd like to own Boromir because he's a flawed character who is misunderstood and more human than Lego over there... points to crowd of preening fangirls And he needs every true blue fan of the books on his side because he isn't evil at heart, and needs someone to protect him from Mary sues! And he's really attractive. grins

Faramir: Whoa! Where'd you come from... cutie?

Odeena: rolls eyes Faramir, stop flirting with every girl you lay your eyes on, will you?

Faramir: Why? Is is a bad thing?

Odeena: _Yes_. Well, Mercury... eh... I guess you can join the competition...

Mercury: Yay!

Faramir: ...Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Miss Mercury Gray!

Mercury: waves

**[ The audience cheers. ]**

Odeena: As I was saying, for tonight's second round we have a quiz.

Faramir: Each and every one of you will have to answer one - precisely, one - question regarding Boromir. Julia, you're first. Odeena?

Odeena: What's Boromir's favorite way of spending his free time?

Faramir: Is it: A - annoying Arwen, B - watching soap operas, or C - fighting with Aragorn about who is the true King of Gondor?

Julia: I'd say - err... - C?

Faramir: That's correct! audience cheers Crystalline, you're next. What is Boromir's least favorite way of spending his free time?

Odeena: And the possible answers are: A - cooking, B - reading, or C - playing baseball?

Crystalline: Hmm... reading?

Faramir: Sorry to say it, but the correct answer was - B, reading! Congratulations!

Odeena: ...Don't mind him, he just _loves_ to fool around.

Faramir: By the way, this reminds me of the one time when Boromir chased Aragorn all across the baseball field with a baseball bat until Aragorn finally gave up and proclaimed him the true King of Gondor... laughs

Odeena: Yeah, that was cute. Moving on...

Faramir: If you want an exclusive video of the aforementioned scene, call me at 1-800-FARAMIR and--

Odeena: whacks him Shut up.

Faramir: innocently What? What'd I do?

Odeena: spastikLeggyluver, you're next. Who's Boromir least favorite member of the Fellowship? Is it A - Aragorn, B - Gimli, or C - Frodo?

spastikLeggyluver: Let's see now. It could be Aragorn, because he hates him for being the King of Gondor. It could be Frodo, because he hates him for having the ring. And it couldn't it be Gimli, so I say B.

Faramir: Hmm... Are you sure?

spastikLeggyluver: Yup.

Faramir: Congratulations! Your answer was correct! audience gasps And here's why: little did you know, but Boromir had always wanted his very own long beard. But our dad never let him...

Odeena: Talk about possessive parents.

Faramir: Oh yeah, I'll say... sigh

Odeena: Moving on, the question for necromancer is this -

Faramir: What's the color of Boromir's undies? gasps Wait a second... Hey, who wrote _that_ question?

Gimli: waves her hand from the audience I did! I'm curious, too!

Faramir: arches an eyebrow Eh... right... Well, let's see, the possible answers are... A, pink... B, red with purple flowers, or... C... burst out laughing Dear God, this is too much! Boromir, wearing read undies with purple flowers! is in hysterics

Odeena: chuckles ...Or C, he doesn't wear any undies at all... bursts out laughing as well Oh Gimli, you are _so_ evil!

**[ And after several minutes of wild laughing... ]**

necromancer: My guess would be that he doesn't wear any undies at all. Sorry, Bor, but that seems like the most likely alternative from all I know...

Faramir: Eh... correct... cough Last, but not least, Mercury, here's the question for you. What's the one and only thing that Boromir was ever afraid of?

Odeena: Is it A - Angmar, the Witch King, B - Sauron, or C - Elrond of Rivendell?

Mercury: thinks Well, my intuition says C, although I have no idea why.

Odeena: And right you are! As for the reason... hmm... could it be that he's got the Whirling Eyebrows of Doom?

Faramir: chuckles Or, it could be because he's teasing Arwen all the time and he's afraid that her daddy might do something terrible to him in return?

Odeena: I believe this will remain one of humanity's unsolved mysteries. And now--midnitest4rz waves her hand--yes?

midnitest4rz: No offense, but these guys haven't been paying attention to anything since we started. I mean, Tree-boy is humming and waving his branches around like a retard, and Wizard-boy is talking to himself, and the freaky kid is playing on that thing and doesn't give a damn about anyone else. So I say we might as well end this now.

Faramir: Okay, but the jury must reach a decision first, remember?

Random audience guy hanging from a rafter and wishing he had some coffee a.k.a. Omega XSabre: disappointed What? No fighting in the mud? dodges Hey! Oh no, fangirls attack! dodges various sharp and pointy things, Matrix-style

Odeena: Poor guy.

midnitest4rz: You want a decision? Okay, here you go. First, Boromir will be given to Necromancer for a period of two days, so she can hold him hostage and trade him for Faramir.

Odeena: You know, I almost feel sorry for you...

Faramir: Trade _him_ for _me_? Hey, no fair! I'm worth a lot more than that!

midnitest4rz: Next, Boromir will go to spastikLeggyluver and scrub her basement floor clean. He'll have two days for that as well.

Faramir: Poor Boromir. Now I really _do_ feel sorry for him.

midnitest4rz: Crystalline, you can go out with Boromir _once_, after which you'll have to hand him over to his true owner.

Crystalline: Better than nothing, I suppose...

midnitest4rz: Mercury Gray, you will be given ownership of Boromir for as long as it takes you to establish your very own 'True Blue Boromir Fans' association and eradicate all the Mary Sues out there.

Odeena: I wanna join this association, too!

Faramir: Well, it's better than SPEW, I suppose... laughs

midnitest4rz: And finally, the one, the only and the true owner of Boromir of Gondor is - drumroll - Julia a.k.a. hornofgondor2! Congratulations!

Julia: I won? I WON? I WON!! jumps and hugs Odeena Thank you! Thank you! hugs Faramir Thank you so much!

Odeena: Congratulations, Julia! And here's your very own Certificate of Ownership for Boromir, the Man of Gondor!

**[ The audience cheers wildly as Julia is awarded the Certificate and a huge bunch of flowers. ]**

Julia: I can't believe it! I won!

Faramir: pats her on the back Way to go, Jul.

Odeena: And, we just received word from Haldir of Lorien that Boromir has been safely recovered and is on his way here as we speak.

Faramir: ..Wait, I'm getting something on the phone... taps his headphone He's here!

Odeena: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Boromir of Gondor!

**[ Wild cheers erupt as Boromir runs on-stage. His clothes are torn and ruffled and he's got lipstick marks all over, but nobody seems to notice or care. ]**

Boromir: walks over to Julia Well, hello there, cutie! So, I'm yours, huh?

Julia: nods, eyes in tears Yup... Boromir... I LOVE YOU!! hugs him

Everyone: Aww...

Boromir: Oww... my kidneys....

Odeena: ...And that concludes our show.

Faramir: We hoped you enjoyed it, and we'll be waiting for you on our next Interlude, entitled 'The Fellowship and the Fangirls Go Steady!'

Random fangirl from the audience: Well, I'm glad that's over with. Now let's settle one thing: Faramir is _mine_!

Random fangirl II: No way! He's mine!

Random fangirl III: Get your hands off of him! He's mine!

Faramir: Uh-oh... runs off, chased by a mob of fangirls

Bob: And that concludes our show. We'll be waiting for you on our next Interlude, entitled...

Legolas: hits Bob over the head with a chair.

Bob: blacks out

Legolas: Sorry, folks but he was _really_ starting to get on my nerves. Hope you enjoyed the show. Bye!

_Author's Note: Thank you, thank you very much for your wonderful reviews! You like me? You really do...? eyes in tears Thanks! I love you all! ...snaps out of it Well, here's the conclusion of the Interlude... please don't come after me with a knife and a fork, OK? :) Thanks for reviewing go to: _

_** THECheeseTurkey**_: Thank you for youre review(s), and I'm really, really glad you like my story. Right now, I'm about to leave for Belgium, and I don't know how long I'll stay, so I don't know when I'll update next. But don't worry - I won't discontinue the story. Oh, and one more thing: living with the Fellowship is a pain in the neck. Trust me. :)

_**hornofgondor2: **Okie-dokie then, Julia :) And congratulations from me and the Fellowship! Just remember to feed Boromir twice a day, wash him, pet him and take care of him, or else he'll feel lonely and unappreciated, the poor little thing! :)_

** Filia Regalis: **Thanks! And Faramir tells me to tell you he's really sorry and he promises to be good on the Interlude. He also asks what are you favorite flowers. I think he's planning a surprise!

_** manveri[reachforthesky]estel**: Thanks! I hope you'll have time to read the rest of the story soon... you're right, homework is evil. School sucks... sigh _

_** I'm From Tookland: **Hmm... dunno... I was planning on letting the elf among the last authors to read, but at your express request, he shall be next :)_

_**spastikLeggyluver: **You know, I would't mind to lend you Boromir for a couple days so he can scrub your basement floor clean. Or maybe you'd settle for Gollum? Nobody wants him, poor fellow... :)_

_** Kekelina: **Yes, Faramir is hot... sigh But I'm still in for the elf. Or something. (Notice for the fangirls: please don't kill me! ) Elessar says hi, and asks me to tell you he can't chat right now because he's busy fighting with Boromir over who's the true ruler of Gondor ;)_

_** Neniriel: **Hello, fellow coffee lover! I'm really glad you like my story, and I promise I'll keep writing! :) About Elladan and Elrohir... eh... maybe you'll have to settle for one or the other, since there are other people claiming them and all... Or maybe I can ask Z from Men In Black: The Series to make several quick clones of them and send them over to you :) _

_** Voldie On Varsity Track: **Okay, I got the point - Faramir is yours. Now all you have to do is get your point across the other Faramir fangirls out there... I'm staying out of this :) _

_** Crystalline4: **Thankies! Well... you could always borrow Faramir from his legitime owner, whoever that is... rolls eyes and turns to Faramir That's it. From now on, you do the review responses. I just can't handle so many fangirls that are madly in love with you._

_** Omega XSabre: **Hello, Faramir here. Odeena just left. She told me to tell you that no, she's not Umah by another name, she just likes all the LoK boys. thinks That's it, I'm jealous. cough Back on topic... she also says you can write anything about her as long as you do write, and the idea you wrote in the review for 'The ring goes to Italy' was just swell, so you do that. I'll go see if I can get her to come back now. My fingers hurt..._

_** Mercury Gray: **Hello, Legolas here. I just happened to pass by the computer and see that there is no-one there. As you can see, you are in the interlude. Too bad you didn't win. I really liked your motivation. It was the sanest of all of them. Uh-oh. Sorry, gotta run before the angry mob of fangirls gets me. :)_

_**necromancer: **pantpant Hi, Odeena here! I can't believe the guys messed up the review responses! Back to you, Hish... it is you, isn't it? Boy... I had no idea! :) Anyhow... Boromir is taken, but Haldir is yours if you want him! ...That is, if nobody else claims ownership of him... :) And Boromir said he'll show you how to play tunes with his horn. Hey! There's a great idea for your birthday fic! :)_

_**PS: **Thirteen reviews? You have GOT to be kidding me! does a happy dance Thankyou everyone! :)_


	19. The Incredible Story of Prince Faramir a...

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 13: The Incredible Story of Prince Faramir and the Cake, remixed by Prince Faramir himself

After a very long time, Faramir returned from the kitchen, and - much to the gratitude of all hobbits present - bearing a tray piled-up with sandwiches.

"Wow!" Sam yelled, jumping up. "I can't tell you how hungry I am!" With that, he reached out, snatched a gigantic hamburger and began to munch it noisily.

"So much for table manners..." I muttered as Merry, Pippin and even Frodo followed Samwise's example. Most of the others took a sandwich as well, and for several minutes the only sounds to be heard were all kinds of munches, crunches and burps. Eventually, when everyone was done, Faramir took the tray back to the kitchen, and then once again sat down in his usual spot.

"You may begin", Elrond said majestically.

"...Won't someone tell Elrond that he's got mustard on his nose?" Legolas whispered to me.

"Well..." I said, pretending to be in deep thought about it. "No."

"I'll be honest to you", Faramir began, standing up. "My story is actually a remix of a story that Odeena wrote a while ago, involving me, my brother, and a certain cake..."

"Oh, no", I muttered, hiding my face in my hands. "Will that story haunt me for the rest of my life?"

"Don't sulk about it", Haldir said empathically, patting me on the shoulder. "Bear it with dignity. Like a true warrior princess."

"But I'm _not_ a warrior princess", I replied sulkily. 'Although I wish I were', I added to myself with a little sigh.

"Most of you may not be familiar with this story", Faramir went on. "Anyway, I hope that all of you will enjoy it. Here we go"

_ The Incredible Story of Prince Faramir and the Cake, remixed by Prince Faramir himself_

_It was my brother Boromir's twenty-fifth birthday. _

_Ah, yes. What better opportunity for our father to point out every five minutes that Boromir was infinitely smarter, stronger, prettier, and generally better at anything and everything than I was. Don't think I'm a complexed or grudgy fellow, but that's just the way things were._

"He's right", Boromir whispered. "Boy, were those times great... I could do anything I wanted to. I remember one time when me and Faramir were--"

"Ssh!" several anxious voices interrupted him.

"Oh... Sorry."

_Anyway, like I said, my brother was getting all the attention. Not only from our father, but from our mother, relatives (more or less distant), courtiers and so on. All I was left with was the unquestioned loyalty and affection of my Chiuaua dog, and between me and you, this was definitely not enough. Apart from that, I had to do all the 'low work' there was. All day long, it was Faramir this, and Faramir that... I thought I would go nuts._

_Until..._

__

_"Son, I have a very important task to ask of you."_

_'Yeah, I bet you do', I thought, glaring at my father and wondering what manner of crazy thought had occured to him this time._

_"You know, we were going to appoint a girl to jump out of the cake baked specially for your brother."_

_'He gets all the treats, the lucky bastard', I groaned inwardly, as my father went on about how they couldn't find a suitable girl - not that there weren't any pretendants, and so..._

_"-And so, I'm afraid you'll have to do it."_

_"Oh, okay, I - what?!" I practically chocked out. _

_"Why, dress up as a girl and jump out of the cake, of course!"_

_"You have _got_ to be kidding me", I snapped. "Are you seriously going to tell me that--" Noting the dreadful look on his face, I stopped. Apparently, just in time._

_"Now, don't you _dare_ to disobey me, Faramir! You know better than anyone that Boromir is infinitely smarter, stronger, prettier and enerally better at anything and everything than you are. So don't disappoint me even more."_

_'And here we go again...' I sighed mentally. It was the twenty-third time that day that I was hearing this line._

_"I won't, father."_

_Humor me, OK? What other chance did I have...?_

_"Good." With that, my father whirled around and left. I stuck my tongue out at his back, and then I began to reflect on how I could posibly escape from this humiliation. Childish excuses like 'I have a tummy ache' were very less likely to work, and exaggerated ones - 'I couldn't do it because I had to fight a squad of orcs and I was late for the make-up session' - were even less likely to succeed._

_But then, a stunning revelation dawned on me. Even if I _did_ go inside the stupid cake, there was no reason whatsoever to be in drag as well! I could very well elude my father by telling him I have my own make-up artist (and stand his stupid jokes about it for the rest of my life afterwards). This was my big chance - no, my _only_ chance to get the attention I rightfully deserved._

_With this kind of thoughts in mind, I set out to find my best friend and the most skilled merchant in Minas Tirith, going my the name - or rather, alias - of John Chen._

**_Later..._**

_"So: one pound of gunpowder, one 'Ladies-love-me' potion, one 'Please-don't-kill-me' potion, and one class T superhero costume. Is that all?"_

_Let me translate that for you. Gunpowder - latest black market import, looks like sand and makes a big boom if lighted. 'Ladies-love-me' (LLM) and 'Please-don't-kill-me' (PDKM) potions - self explanatory. Class T superhero costume - eh...?_

_"Class t?" I asked, raising an eyebrow._

_"Yes, class T. For 'Thunderbird'."_

_"Oh."_

_"That will be seventeen gold-weights."_

_'That's robbery', I groaned inwardly. But I had no time to argue. I was already behind schedule. I paid up, gathered my new acquisitions, and rushed back to the palace. I had a little over half an hour to get ready..._

**_Even later..._**

_The inside of the cake was tight as Hell._ _I could hardly move a limb, and I could already feel my arms and legs go numb. Still, it was worth it. Soon - _very_ soon - I would have my revenge on both my father and the unsuspecting Boromir. _

_Suddenly, the hatch of the cake creaked open enough for my father to glare inside. Fortunately, it was too dark for him to see my real outfit. "Don't disappoint me", he hissed. _

_"I won't, father", I answered serenely. "I promise."_

**_At last..._**

_It seemed an eternity until the cake finally set in motion. The sounds of a wild party reached my ears, faint at first, but gradually increasing, until I could hardly stand it any more. Finally, the cake stopped. I took in a deep breath. It was now or never._

_The noise stopped, and the tune of 'You can leave your hat on' began to play. This was it. I took out the little thing that John had given me with the gunpowder - I believe he called it a 'home-made detonator' or something like it - and pressed the big, red button. And in the same instant, the cake exploded, and I burst out._

_I won't describe the scene that followed next, for the sole reason that words are simply not enough to depict the beauty (and chaos) of it all. Imagine my father and Boromir all covered in cream, ladies screaming and fainting, and men asking who in Elbereth's name was the man in a crazy outfit to jump out of a cake, and you'll have a (very vague) image of it._

_I was drunk with excitement. This was my moment at last! At last, I was getting all the atention I deserved!_

_But then, something went wrong. All the ladies in the room let out a collective roar, and then threw themselves at me. At first, I didn't worry - until I realized that every _man_ in the room was looking at me lovingly and smiling. This was _not_ supposed to happen..._

_I don't remember clearly what happened next. All I know is that, at one point, I was hanging from the window sill and a little teenage girl twice as fat as I was was trying to bite my fingers. After that, I fell, and everything went black..._

**_Still..._**

_My next conscious memory takes me back to John Chen's shop. As I regained consciousness, I heard John wailing. After a while, I began to distinguish words. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Faramir", he was saying. "I gave you a 'Ladies-kill me' and a 'Please-love-me' potion instead of what you asked! I hope you're not mad at me... Are you?"_

_"I'm... going... to... kill... you..." I hissed through my gritted teeth._

_'But first, I have to pull myself together from that nasty fall', I realized with another mental sigh. And that was going to take some time..._

_I blacked out again._

_**- The end -**_

As soon as Faramir finished, the rest of us rushed at him and carried him across the room in triumph. After that, we tossed him up several times - and once, he narrowly missed my mom's japan chandelier - and carried him across the room again. Finally, we set him down in Elrond's seat, which seemed to triger no reaction from Elrond himself, and proclaimed him the new leader of the Fellowship. When things settled at last, Elrond - now sitting between Boromir and Eowyn - officially accepted out decision.

"All righty then", Faramir said, doing a perfect imitation of Ace Ventura. "So... has anyone else finished yet?"

Silence.

"I... see... Well then, I'd say we just wait until one of you does. And, until then... I'll go get another snack."

_Author's Note: I'm back from vacation and with a fresh breath of inspiration! :) And I have important news: the next-next chappie will be the 'Fellowship and fangirls go steady' interlude, so if you want to be in it, this is your last chance of telling me! So far, the selected pairs are as follows:_

_Elessar (a.k.a. Aragorn, Strider, Estel etc.) and Kekelina_

_hornofgondor2 a.k.a. Julia and Boromir (and don't you fangirls go berserk - she won him fair and square now, didn't she? :)_

_Morwen de Cearo and Elladan (sorry, ladies, the hot elf is taken - but don't worry, there are always hotter elves around! wink, wink)_

_Filia Regalis a.k.a. Kara and Frodo (no comment there... you kids have fun, and be nice, OK?)_

_Devie Saves a.k.a. Linwe and Faramir (and to think I wanted to go with Faramir... pouts... okay, just kidding, don't tell elf boy I said this ;) )_

_necromancer a.k.a. Hish and Haldir (as a belated birthday present - once again, happy birthday, Hish!)_

_Crystalline and Faramir_

_And finally, me and - well, let's just keep that a surprise, OK? :) If you want to take one of our remaining bachelors (or, why not, bachelorettes), announce it in your review! And now, on to the review responses..._

_**Crystalline4: **Thank you! As you can see, you're already in for the interlude... __Haldir was taken, so I gave you Faramir ;) I hope you're happy! :)_

_**Filia Regalis** : Okay, you'll be known as Kara then! ;) You really, really like me? tears well up Thank you! sniff  
Boromir: very, very annoyed Here she goes again... handles me a tissue_

_**Mercury Gray: **Talk about owning Faramir? Oh, dear, the fangirls will kill me... sigh Anyway, I think (keyword: think - I don't want to get flayed and fried by a mob of angry fangirls!) I'll do a 'Who-owns-Faramir' interlude after the 'Fellowship and fangirls go steady' interlude... ;)_

_**Terreis: **Well, better late than never, as they always say. You're right - everyone got what they wanted, and I bet even Faramir and Boromir were happy about it. Boromir - because he got to show off and all the people saw how much fangirls like him, and Faramir - because he got to flirt with all those pretty girls. And you say he's in your closet? (Faramir, I mean) Dang, I've been looking all over for him! sigh Okay, you can keep the little troublemaker. For now..._

**_Omega XSabre_**_: All right, shoo! Shoo! Bad fangirls! Bad! finally manages to save Omega from all the angry fangirls There! sigh You just can't stay out of trouble, can you... _

_**midnitest4rz: **I'm glad you liked the Interlude! grins And you're right, the summer is getting quite boring... Thanks for your review, and sorry for the long wait ;)_

_**THECheeseTurkey: **Well, North Carolina is cool, too, since it's in the States and everything... sigh I've always wanted to go to the States. Anyway, you're saying that Angmar was actually the name of a place and not of the ugly Witch King? Hmm... where did you learn that? scratches forehead And about that bit about you and the elf-boy living in a cheese-coloured castle... what can I say? Long live creative insanity... whispers I'm the same, you know... No, wait, I'm worse. Much worse. grins_

_**Lobo Diablo: **I think that Boromir calls Aragorn 'my king' before he bites the big one because... well... okay, I have no idea why he does that. Hey, I know! Let's go ask Peter Jackson, maybe he knows! grins Seriously now, I think that's just the little bit of respect he never got to show while he was alive and well and everything... or something... _

_**ApocalypticPyro: **Thankies! _

_**Meg-a-millions: **Okie-dokie... ;)_

_**Voldie On Varsity Track: **Well, as you can see, I'm back to fanfic writing ;) And about Faramir in lacy pants... drool_

_**PirateAngel: **Thank you! And thank you for reviewing 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic', too! :) You're too kind!_

_**Nethira06: **Thank you! lack of inspiration... sorry_

_PS: Thirteen reviews again! Does happy dance I love you guys! in silly, Dee-Dee-like voice Wow... lookie at the review responses... they take up so much... silly grin _


	20. The story of Prince Salomir

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 14: The story of Prince Salomir

A long time after Faramir returned with his half-eaten snack, nobody said anything. Those who had already finished their stories and read them gazed idly around or made funny faces at each other (as was the case with Boromir and Arwen, under the disapproving glares of Elrond and Aragorn). Finally, Legolas raised a hand timidly.

"Don't tell me you finished", I said in a half whisper, turning to glare at him.

He glared back. "Why not?" he asked innocently.

"Well, you said... you... I thought..." I shook my head a few times in order to clear up my thoughts. "You said you couldn't write, and I thought..."

"Oh, that. To be honest, I couldn't write what I had originally planned to write, so I decided to do like everyone else and turn to humour."

"Elves seem to be good at that", Boromir cut in. "So, let's hear it already!"

"That is not for you to decide!" Elrond said, standing up. "As the leader of the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers, it is my right--"

"Ahem." I arched an eyebrow at him. "What was that?"

Elrond looked at me for a second or two, eyebrows whizzing, before he understood my point. "Err, I mean, it is Prince Faramir's right to decide."

"That's better", I said with a sweet smile. "Faramir?"

"Um... OK, you can read your story now", Faramir said absently.

"Don't talk with your mouth full", Arwen muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Don't do that, it leaves wrinkles", Boromir said casually.

Arwen looked utterly horrified. "Wrinkles? But... but... I'm an elvish maiden! I can't possibly--"

"Oh yes you can. Everyone can. Look at Elrond."

"And _what_ is that supposed to mean?" Elrond inquired majestically.

"Guys, knock it off!" I held up my hands and glared at each one in turn. "Let the elf read his story, I, for one, am utterly curious about it!"

This was followed by a chorus of, "Me too!", on all sorts of voices and tonalities. Legolas stood up; however, just as he opened his mouth, a loud crash came from upstairs, and then Haldir came tumling down the stairs and landed in an untidy heap of dust, cobwebs and hair on the floor.

"No you don't", the newly-arrived elf muttered, although his face was pressed against the carpet. "It was _my_ turn."

"Yes, it _was_", Legolas agreed coldly, "but not it is _my_ turn."

"Uh-oh", I muttered. This was not good.

"My turn." Haldir glared at Legolas, at the same time standing up.

"_My_ turn", Legolas answered empathically.

"No, _my_ turn."

"Mine."

"Mine!"

"His", Faramir interjected, standing up.

Both elves glared at him.

"His, as in, mine?" Haldir asked hopefully.

"No, his, as in Legolas'."

"Fine!" Haldir sat down and crossed his arms, obviously determined not to speak another word.

"Good", Legolas said with a smirk. "And now, here goes my story."

And without anything else, he began to read.

_The story of Prince Salomir_

_"My sons, I have something very important to tell you."_

_Boromir looked at Faramir. Faramir looked at Boromir. Then, both looked at their father, Denethor. Finally, Faramir spoke, "What is it, father?"_

_"Well..." For once in his life, Denethor looked troubled. "I do not know how you will react to this, and I will not blame you if you will hate me afterwards."_

_'Out with it', Boromir thought impatiently, 'I have a date in half an hour.' "Whatever it is, I am certain that we could not possibly hate you for it", he said loudly. "Tell us."_

_"All right..." Denethor wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead, and sighed. "It all began a long time ago. I was but a child, barely past the age of twenty-one, when I first met your mother. And, as young people oftenly do, we... rushed things a bit."_

_"What does that mean?" Faramir asked innocently._

_Denethor glared at him for a second, and then continued, "And this unfortunate incident had the most unfortunate of consequences. Nine months later, a child was born."_

_Boromir gasped. Faramir just stared in shock. Denethor waited for a few seconds, and then continued._

_"Since we had already been officially wed, this child would be the heir to the throne of Gondor. There was great joy among the people, and your mother and I were proud as well. We named the cild Salomir, after my grand-grandfather's father, and every day we spent with him was a blessing."_

_'All right, I'm starting to feel jealous here', Boromir thought, although the thought of having a long-lost elder brother gave him an awkward and pleasant sensation. 'Wait...' he continued, as Denethor gave no sign he would say anything else for a while and hurriedly wiped a tear, 'that means this Salomir would be heir to the throne, and not I.' He made a grimace despite himself. 'I hate him already.'_

_"But no happiness is made to last", Denethor resumed suddely, making both his sons start. "At the age of sixteen, our son fell into the river and was gone."_

_'Thank Goodness', Boromir thought._

_"The kingdom was in mourning then, and for a time, we thought that we had lost him. However, three years later, word came that he was alive and well, and had found his happiness in a vilage of fishermen, down the river. I sent my guards to investigate."_

_'And they didn't find him', Boromir thought hopefully. 'They didn't... did they?' _

_"Eventually, they found him, and, despite his protests, they brought him back to the court."_

_'Crap.'_

_"He was unhappy for a while, and this concerned us. But then, everything went back to normal. Or so it seemed. One year later, a band of brigands attacked our fair city."_

_'And he was killed', Faramir thought again. 'Please, let it be that he was killed.'_

_"Being the brave young man he was, Salomir rode out and faced them single-handedly."_

_'That's dumb'._

_"He received grievous wounds, and, although victory was his, we had our doubts that he would survive to enjoy it."_

_'And he didn't."_

_"But our clerics did the impossible, and Salomir recovered completely."_

_'I'll beat the crap out of every cleric in the city...'_

_"All was fine since then. But, at the age of twenty-one, he went on a campaign against the orcs that had been invading our lands."_

_'And he died."_

_"Our men were outnumbered ten to one. And yet, he led them bravely, and slaughtered many of the invaders. However..." Denethor sighed. "One day, we received words that he had been trampled and crushed by a cave troll."_

_'If he survived out of **that**, I'll cut my wrists and hang myself'._

_"They never found his body... but we haven't heard of him ever since."_

_'Hallelujah.'_

_"Except for this one strange rumour--"_

_'For crying out loud...'_

_"--that he had returned in the fishermen's village. But our guards never found him."_

_"And... so it ends", Boromir said tentatively, seeing that his father had stopped._

_"Yes."_

_'Praise the gods, I'm out of here.' "Father, I must tend to an urgent matter", Boromir said politely. "May I go?"_

_"Of course, son. Do what you have to do."_

_That was all Boromir needed. In a matter of moments, he was gone. Faramir and Denethor looked at each other for a few seconds, and then Denethor turned away and left without anything else. Faramir just shrugged._

_'Sometimes', he said to himself, 'I get the feeling that I'm the only normal person in this entire family..._

_- The end -_

"Elf, you're a genius!" I yelled, hugging him. "Way to go!"

"...my kidneys..."

"Oh. Sorry." I let him go and beamed at him. "Write another one!"

"No, thanks", he said, putting his clipboard and pen aside. "I've had enough for one day."

"Okay, can I read now?" Haldir cut in impatiently.

"Not just yet." Faramir smiled widely, and then said, "Let's give it a big hand for the elf!"

And after all the applause died out, Faramir finally said, doing a perfect imitation of Elrond's eyebrow dance, "Haldir of Lorien, it is now your turn."

_Author's Note: _

_1) Coming up next is the 'Fangirls and Fellowship go steady' interlude. The interlude will have two or three parts, depending on how many evil ideas I get... insert a twisted grin here._

_2) The 250th reviewer will be decided when I receive the 250th e-mail from telling me that I have a review. The person will get either a one-chapter request story, or a cameo in one of my on-going fics, by choice. _

_And now, for the review responses..._

_**LiL Pippin Padfoot: **Yup, Pippin and Padfoot rule! Don't worry about the not reviewing part - as long as you read and enjoy my story, I don't mind! ;)_

_**necromancer: **A piniata (I'm not sure that's how you write it...) is a Mexican thingy that's full of candy. They hang it from a rope, and then they get blindfolded and try to hit it so the candy would fall out. And don't worry, I'll save you from the evil fangirls! As far as I'm concerned, you can have all the elves... except for Legolas, of course :) And __weird reviewers? Yup, I've been getting a lot of those lately... OO_

_**Almarea-and-Alasse: **Let me give you a tip: when you want to make Pippin to shut up, all you have to do is give him something to eat. Lots of something. Then, he'll shut up. Thanks for reviewing!_

_**midnitest4rz: **OK, you'll be in the interlude. However, could you please give me a real name (or invented, but sounding like a name and not like a nickname) to work with? Thanks! _

_**millenium: **Umm... I sincerely have no idea :)_

_**me: **Thanks... but listen... if you're the same person... then just review once (or, if you missed to say something important, twice) per chapter. I think it's a little unfair for one person to 'boost' my reviews like that..._

_**toots: **Same as above... :)_

_**counting down: **Same as above :)_

_**Neniriel: **Hey there! OK, you're up with Glorfindel then :) I really liked the verse, and your name has a beautiful meaning. My Elvish alias is Almarien, which means "crown of the bliss", but I haven't thought of any verse fot it yet ;) Thanks for the appreciation! :)_

_**Kendria Erleine: **Thank you for all your lovely reviews and appreciations. Well, the day I did get 200 reviews was indeed a day to remember. But I think 250 is a little more... special... And I'm already starting to dream about 500, although I sincerely have no idea when (and if) that will happen grin. Thanks for the idea about the next interlude, I'll think about it! ;) One more thing - you're up in the Interlude with Elrohir. Good luck! ;)_

_**Morwen de Cearo: **Thank you, thank you! ;) Yup, you're in the Interlude with Elladan. Thank you for the information, and, if you so desire, your name in the Interlude will be Indil Histe (beautiful name!). And... I think that word is spelled 'Paranthesis', but I'm not sure. Spelling can be so tricky sometimes..._

_**Antonio: **All righty... who are you again? :)_

_**Antoinette: **Bonjour... je vois que tu ne parles francais tres bien, et je te reccomend d'ecriver tes commentaires en anglaise la date prochaine. Merci!_

_**Hans Schmidt: **Danke._

_**Gollumna: **All righty... going out with Gollum.. are you sure? Okay then, you're in the Interlude as well :) _

_**Blondie: **Thanks! Umm... I don't have a sister yet, the post is still vacant... it's yours if you want to take it! :)_

_**DRUIDGIRL a.k.a. Niamh: **_ _Don't worry - as long as you read and enjoy the story, it's OK if you don't review... (I think I said that before somewhere :)). If you want him, the One with the Magical Eyebrows is yours! I just hope you know how to handle him... Stay tuned for the Interlude! _

_**Kekelina: **Hello, Faramir here. Thanks! I had no idea my story will be such a wonderful success! :) Thanks again! And Aragorn... err, I mean, Estel, sends you his regards. Toots!_

_**Heaven Leigh Casteel The 2nd**_: _All righty... takes out a notepad So, Heaven Leigh Casteel the 2nd and Pippin. Got it! _

_**Crystalline4: **Nope, Faramir got over potions a long time ago. About you and Linwe... that was a typo, sorry. I meant to say, you and share Faramir, and Linwe gets Frodo. Sorry for that! :)_

_**ApocalypticPyro: **Sowee... Elrohir's taken by Kendria Erleine. You can have... umm... thinks Hey, how about Orophim or Rumil? You know, Haldir's hot brothers... Or you can have them both if you want! :)_

_**spastikLeggyluver: **Dunno, I haven't counted them yet :) All right, you can have the elf, but ONLY this time :) Glorfindel and Elrond are already taken, sorry... _

_**Terreis: **You have Daniel Jackson in the closet? dies I want Daniel Jackson... DROOL. Thanks for your comments, and good luck with Arwen and Eowyn! :)_

_**hornofgondor2: **Hi, Boromir here... Just you wait for the Interlude! And thanks for the hug! :)_

_**Mercury Gray: **Yeah, Ace Ventura rules :) Thanks for reviewing!_

_**THECheeseTurkey: **Okay... then what's the name of the witch king? ...well, I don't think the name would make any difference anyway, he's still bug-ugly to me... :)_

_**Omega XSabre: **I don't think there's any competition for owning Galadriel... If you want, you can be in the interlude, since it's for both guys and girls, and you can have Galadriel. How about that? ;)_ _**Filia Regalis: **Sorry I got you and Devie mixed-up... So to rectify: you go out with Faramir (and_ _share him with Crystalline... I hope you don't mind?), and Devie goes out with Frodo. How about that? And thanks for your comments! PS: Happy birthday!_


	21. Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship G...

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship go steady! (Part one - The couples)

** Fade in...**

Odeena: Hello there, and welcome to the 'Fangirls and Fellowship go steady' Interlude. Since Legolas put Bob the Narrator in hospital at the end of the last Interlude and we couldn't find anyone else suitable for the job, I'll be doing the low work this time.

Faramir: I'm available! I could do it!

Odeena: glares Shouldn't you be going on a date?

Faramir: resignedly Oh... yes... sure... mutters That's right, _you_ have all the fun. Yeesh...

Odeena: What was that?

Faramir: Eh... nothing... runs off to prepare for his date

Odeena: cough And now, let's meet my lovely assistants and professional stalkers, Arwen and Eowyn!

Arwen: makes a reverence Hello!

Eowyn: rolls her eyes Cheesy...

Arwen: shoots a death glare at Eowyn And just _what_ is that supposed to mean?

Eowyn: Exactly what it's supposed to mean. You're cheesy.

Arwen: WHAT?

Odeena: hurriedly Ladies, ladies... please... pleadingly For once, can't you two work together like a team?

Arwen: determined No.

Eowyn: folds her arms No way.

Odeena: menacingly You keep this up, and you'll end up in a romance fanfic with Gollum!

Arwen: looking utterly horrified Not that horrible creature! sigh I give up.

Eowyn: Whatever... Just don't expect me to be cheesy like her.

Odeena: sighs Well, that's a definite improvement. cough And now, let's meet our lucky couples. First, we have Filia Regalis, a.k.a. Kara, and Faramir.

** Image switches to a split-screen, with a very nervous Kara, is brushing her hair in front of the mirror, on the left, and Faramir in a tuxedo on the right. **

Kara: pulls out a few hairs by accident Ouch! Stupid brush...

Eowyn: Well, is she excited, or what?

Odeena: I'll say. Next, we have Julia, the rightful owner of Boromir, and... well, who else could it be? Boromir!

** Image switches, showing Julia and Boromir holding hands and laughing. **

Arwen: They seem to be a happy couple.

Eowyn: I'd say the same, but I don't feel like getting flayed by an army of fangirls... laughs

Odeena: Indeed, Boromir's popularity is surpassed only by Faramir's. Moving on, meet my very best friend, Hish, and her lovely date, Haldir of Lorien!

** Again, the image switches to a split-screen, with Hish braiding her hair on one side and Haldir adjusting his Elvish cape on the other. **

Arwen: She's a lucky lady. I bet there are many girls out there who would like to be in her place right now.

Odeena: I know a few... laughs Next comes our one and only lucky fan-_guy_, Omega, going on a date with the Queen of Lorien herself, Galadriel

** This time, the screen shows Omega, posing and holding his very own Pen of Doom, and Galadriel doing some glittery elvish magic... thingy. **

Arwen: Hold on, Galadriel is going on a _date_?

Eowyn: It's the end of the world as we know it.

Arwen: Yup.

Odeena: tries very, very hard to stiffle a giggle And for the... hold on, this can't be right.

Eowyn: What is it?

Odeena: The fifth couple consists of Crystalline and... Faramir?

Arwen: Gimmie that! takes the script Um... yes, it says it right here... Crystalline and Faramir...

** The screen splits again, showing Faramir in a tux and Crystalline working on her make-up. **

Eowyn: So Faramir is going on a double date?

Odeena: grins Of course, we all know what that means...

Arwen & Eowyn: Cat fight!

Odeena: Well, actually, I meant that, being the gentleman he is, Faramir is probably going to pay for everything, and since he's flat out of cash, he'll probably ask me to lend him some money. Again.

Arwen & Eowyn: Oh...

Odeena: sigh Next, we have Heaven Leigh Casteel the 2nd - Heaven for short - and the proud Peregrin Took, better known as Pippin or Pip.

** The screen shows Heaven carefully examining her dress in the mirror on one side, and Pip dancing with a broom on the other. **

Arwen: giggles That is just TOO cute.

Odeena: I'll say... Our next lucky couple consists of the lovely Neniriel and the one and only Glorfindel.

**The screen shows Neniriel doing some yoga meditating... thing, and Glorfindel banging his head on a song from Iron Maiden. **

Eowyn: Whoa, hold on... Glorfindel is a rocker?

Arwen: I had no idea....

Odeena: Me neither... But you know, I have a thing for rockers...

Eowyn: rolls her eyes Snap out of it.

Odeena: starts Right. For our next couple, we have the proud fanfiction writer, Kendria Erleine, and the beautiful - if somewhat shy - Elrohir.

** The screen shows Kendria scribbling something ona piece of paper and Elrohir saying 'I'm not shy' over and over again. **

Odeena: to herself Looks like he finally took my advice and went into therapy...

Eowyn: Well, it was about time. grins

Odeena: Next come Morwen de Cearo, known also as Indil Histe, and Elrohir's brother, Elladan... known also as Rivendell's resident heart breaker.

** The screen shows Morwen, reading what appears to be an old copy of _Silmarillion_, and Elladan, examining his already perfect hair in the mirror. **

Arwen: I'll say... If I'd get a penny for every love letter he got in the past fife hundred years, I'd be richer than... eh...

Eowyn: Michael Jackson.

Arwen: I was going to say that.

Eowyn: Right.

Odeena: Our next couple may surprise some of the readers. Without anything else to add, I give you - Gollum, alias Smeagol, and Gollumna!

** The screen shows Gollum and Gollumna, each perched on a rock and eating a fish. **

Eowyn: Insert lots of hissing and 'My Preciouss' here.

Arwen: laughs Yeah, I'll say.

Odeena: Moving on, we have another surprising couple: Niamh, and The One with Magical Whizzing Eyebrows, Elrond!

** The screen shows Niamh, concentratedly examining her closet and apparently deciding what to wear, and Elrond, doing his whizzing eyebrows act. **

Arwen: Dad's going on a date. Go figure...

Eowyn: Why? He's not that bad...

Arwen: Don't bet in it. You don't know him half as much as I do.

Eowyn: If you say so...

Odeena: The next couple is already familiar to all of you from the previous 'Green Dragon Party' interlude. I give you Kekelina and The One With Too Many Names, a.k.a. Aragorn, a.k.a. Elessar, a.k.a.... OK, I think that should do for now.

** The screen shows Kekelina and Aragorn toghether at the Green Dragon. **

Arwen: sulkily I'm jealous...

Eowyn: Me too.

Arwen: glares What?

Odeena: I thought you and Faramir were going steady.

Eowyn: ... yeah... but... you know, old habits - and passions - die hard.

Arwen: Well, this one will _die_ right here and right now.

Odeena: sighs, then pretends nothing happened and goes on Coming up next, my good friend and fellow author ApocalypticPyro - Pyro for short - also goes on a double date, with Rumil and Orophim of Lorien.

** The screen shows Pyro on one side, enjoying herself at the Green Dragon, and Rumil and Orophim on the other, practicing bow-shooting. **

Eowyn: mutters Lucky girl...

Odeena: For the next couple, we have Devie Saves, a.k.a. Linwe, and the only-too-cute Frodo!

** The screen shows Linwe, affectionately looking at a picture of Frodo, and the hobbit, carefully arranging a bouquet of lillies. **

Arwen: How cute!

Eowyn: Yup... Frodo's definitely the deffinition of that word.

Odeena: As for our next couple, we have Sarah and the wise and somewhat camera-shy Sam Gamgee.

** The screen shows Sarah, typing something on her computer, and Sam, trying to hide his face from the camera with an old issue of _FHM_. **

Eowyn: Sam reads FHM?

Arwen: Looks like this Interlude is going to be full of surprises...

Odeena: And speaking of surprises... Fangirls, sit down or grab something solid. Cardiacs, do NOT read further. For our last - but definitely not least - couple, we have...

Eowyn: Insert drumrolls here.

Arwen: laughs

Odeena: SpastikLeggyluver and... Legolas!

** The screen shows SpastikLeggyluver, sitting in her room, which is full of Legolas posters, and Legolas, riding a horse through a crowded street. **

Odeena: Well, it looks like he's a little late...

Arwen: Wait, I thought you and Legolas were--

Odeena: We _are_.

Arwen: So why is he going on a date with someone else?

Odeena: Well, SpastikLeggyluver promised she'd be my personal slave if I let her go out with the elf. That was just too much of an opportunity to miss.

Arwen: Oh...

Odeena: And that concludes our couple list. And now, it's time for...

Eowyn: Insert another drumroll here.

Arwen: glares Why are you saying that?

Eowyn: Because the guy that was in charge of the drumrolls ran away with a lady orc yesterday, and I took his place.

Arwen: ...lady orc...?

Odeena: ...The dates!

Eowyn: Each one of us will be stalking certain couples and catching the best moments of each date on film. Also, we will do our best to remain unnoticed, since several of the people are known for having a temper.

Odeena: glares That was _my_ line.

Eowyn: Err... sorry?

Odeena: Anyway, we will also be joined by Rosie Gamgee, who just can't lose sight of her precious Samwise, and Azalie a.k.a. midnitest4rz, as a special delegate from the fangirls community.

Eowyn: But all this, after a short commercial break...

End of part one

_Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait... Real-life stuff is piling up, and I hardly have time to BREATHE, much less do anything else. Here's the first part of the Interlude - the introduction of the couples. The next part will be packed with randomness, craziness and everything of the sort! If you have any ideas / requests / whatnot, now's the time for them. _

_Also, I hear that has a problem with script mode AND interactive stories, and so I might get banned if I continue to write like this. But since this is just a chapter, and not an actual story, I hope it's OK. Just in case, if I get banned, you can still read all my fanfics at my site, Starlight (www.odeena.tk), and, soon at nFiction )._

_And now for the review responses:_

_**Crystalline4: **As you can see, you're sharing Faramir with Kara... don't worry, that will make for a very interesting double date! _

_**LiL Pippin Padfoot: **Thank you! :)_

_**PirateAngel: **Thank you! And by the way, I love your penname! _

_**Kekelina: **Well, I, for one, had absolutely NO idea the elf could write like that. Then again, he never ceases to surprise me... Thanks!_

_**spastikLeggyluver: **Thank you, thank you very much! Agreed, Paradise doesn't last forever... if you have any specific demands as to what you'd like to happen in the Interlude, now's the time to let me know! wink And by the way, that also applies to all of you other daters out there ;) _

_**midnitest4rz: **Well, I was beginning to wonder what's with those two reviews that didn't make sense... Anyway, most computers are evil, and don't worry, this sort of stuff happened to me, too. Stay tuned for the next part. It's gonna be wild! _

_**hornofgondor2: **I gave Leggy a cookie and a pat on the head from you, and he says thanks :) _

_**ApocalypticPyro: **As you can see, you're going out with _both_ Haldir's brothers. That said, to make up for not being able to go with who you originally wanted... And Legolas says thanks _

_**Omega: **I also got LoK: Lifestyle up at finally..., and chapter 18 is already in the works. And congratulations, you're going on a date with Galadriel _

_**Filia Regalis: **Yup, go Mountain Dew! Just you wait for the next part... It'll be fun, that I promise you. And in the end, both of you will get... eh... don't wanna spoil the surprise now, do I? _

_**Terreis: **Well, it'd be great if I could have Daniel for... say... a week or so? puppy dog eyes Starting the very moment you read this? Pwease...? And don't worry about Haldir, he'll read his story right after the Interlude _

_**Morwen de Cearo: **Sorry that I update so slow. Like I said, real-life stuff is piling up... The cobwebs came from somewhere in the scary depths of Wumpa's room... don't ask me, I never go there . . And I absolutely know what you mean about evil little cousins... Finally, I don't know if my story will make it to top ten, since it contains bits that are written in Script Mode... is evil!). I'm planning on sending them an e-mail about this, but after that I'll probably get banned anyway, so... _

_**shiny-chan: **Well, you can be in the Interlude as a last-minute date if you want to! Let's see who's available... Merry... Celeborn... (just make sure Galadriel doesn't catch up) Gandalf and Saruman... no, forget I said that, those two are way too old for anyone... and that's about it. Let me know!_


	22. Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship G...

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship go steady! (Part two - The dates / 1)

**As Odeena proudly announced at the end of the previous chapter, it's time for -- **

Eowyn: ...drumroll...

Arwen: /glares/

Eowyn: ...what? I'm just doing my job here!

**-- Commercial break! **

Cheesy commercial voice (easily identifiable as Saruman's): Are those nasty hobbits in the backyard ruining your perfectly-trimmed lawn? Are those over-proud riders of Rohan considering your back-yard the perfect spot for grazing their four-legged freaks? Are you tired of chasing Gollum away from your fishpond? Say no more! Saruman's Uruk-Hai exterminators are all you need to be rid of all these disgusting little pests! Call 0-800-URUK-HAI now! /fast-forward/ The staff of Saruman's Uruk-Hai is not responsible for any damage caused by our field operatives. Extra taxes for fighting hazards might apply. /with normal speed/ Thank you!

Odeena: /thoughtful/ I wonder if they also kill Pauls.

Arwen: ...You're not serious, right?

Odeena: /sigh/ Neah... /takes a deep breath/ All righty then--

Ace Ventura: HEY! That was MY line! Got me?!

Odeena: /takes out a remote control and teleports Ace to the thirty-first century, then goes on/ --it's time to get on with--

Eowyn: /looking utterly annoyed/ ...drums... more drums... and lots of drums again...

Odeena: --the dates!

**Fade out **

**As the image fades back in, we see Elrond and Niamh, seating at a table packed with all kinds of food in a very expensive restaurant. Nearby, Arwen is spying on the two, disguised as a waitress. **

Elrond: /chatty/ ...And then, Elladan and Elrohir got into a fight about who was going to wear the artificial silmarillions that Arwen had received for her 239th birthday. Of course, little did they know that I was planning to wear them, as I had set my eyes on one of those very pretty elven girls from Mirkwood and I intended to propose to her that night...

Niamh: /obviously interested/ No... Really?

Elrond: Yeah! And then, just before the party was about to begin, I realized that somebody had stolen my silmarillions! I can't tell you how annoyed I was!

Niamh: /trying very, very hard not to get lost in contemplating Elrond's wild eyebrows/ And...?

Elrond: Well, I did the best thing I could. I took Glorfindel aside, and-- /glares around suddenly, as if to make sure nobody is listening/ --I used my magical eyebrows to hypnotize him!

Arwen: /clamps her hand over her mouth, stifling a loud 'Oh!'whispering/ I had no idea Dad could do _that_...

Elrond: As it turned out, Arwen had taken them and offered them as a gift to that petty mortal friend of hers, Strider I-Don't-Know-What... Of course, later on she told me that Strider didn't show up for their appointed date, and so she gave them to this guy from Mirkwood who was just passing by... Later on, she began to receive love letters from him. Go figure...

Arwen: /glares daggers at Elrond/ You just _had _to mention that incident, didn't you, _daddy_? /starts suddenly, then turns to the camera/ As you can see, folks, there's nothing interesting going on here, unless you want to listen to my dad telling embarrassing stories from ages ago... And now, I'm going to flay Elrond slowly and painfully. Please excuse me.

**As Arwen approaches the table where Elrond is still chatting about how Arwen and the-guy-from-Mirkwood tried to run away from Rivendell, the image fades to another expensive restaurant, where Kara, Crystalline and Faramir are just clinking a glass of champagne. Farther away, at another table, Odeena and Azalie are drinking hot chocolate and observing the happy trio. **

Faramir: /finishing a toast/ --And let this be, to this memorable evening, when my beauty did shine upon all and every mortal and immortal in the world, as I'm the only member of the Fellowship that has the privilege of going on a date with two of the most admirable ladies that had ever walked this Earth.

Odeena: /whispers to Azalie/ Wow, he didn't even breathe during all that!

Azalie: /obviously unimpressed/ Cheesy...

Odeena: /giggles/ Yup.

Faramir: By the way, Kara, your hair looks absolutely astounding. How did you manage to give it such an exquisite shape?

Kara: /has a short flashback of all the 'Ow!' and 'Ouch!'-s as she was styling her hair, then smiles/ Well - nothing much... I just wanted to make it look special for today.

Crystalline: /glares at Kara/ You know, you have a few loose hairs at the back...

Kara: /alarmed/ Where?

Crystalline: /evilly/ I wouldn't tell you...

Kara: /gives Crystalline an 'I'm-gonna-kill-you' look/ Oh?

Azalie: /whispers/ Finally, the long-awaited cat-fight! /grins/

Faramir: Ladies, please! Crystalline, did I tell you that your silver necklace looks simply beautiful?

Crystalline: Ah, well... no, but... I guess...

Faramir: /smiles/ There you go. More champagne?

Odeena: /evilly/ I can't wait to see who pays for the bill...

**The image fades away as Odeena and Azalie share a knowing glare. As things become clear again, we see what looks like a fun fair, with Julie and Boromir waiting in a queue to board the ride known as 'The Thing'. If one were to describe it in a word, that would be /scary/. However, our two love-birds don't seem to mind. A few steps away, a very nervous Eowyn is doing her best to keep her composure... **

Eowyn: Do I _really _have to go on this?

Odeena: /through a mini-video-phone... thingy/ Yes.

Eowyn: But I don't want to! Everything has a limit, you know! And I just ate!

Odeena: Who put you? You knew you have to follow them _everywhere_, and since you know Boromir's intellect is comparable to that of a ten-year-old, you should've guessed they'd end up here eventually.

Eowyn: Besides, I just styled my hair--

Odeena: I don't want to hear it.

Eowyn: But--

Odeena: I said I don't want to hear it. Do what you're supposed to do.

Eowyn: /sighs dramatically/ All right...

**Meanwhile... **

Boromir: So, are you scared?

Julie: Get real. I'd say you're scared by the look on your face.

Boromir: Who, me? No way!

Julie: Oh yes you are! Look, your moustache is shaking!

Boromir: /confused/ It... is?

Julie: Just kidding, silly. /gives Boromir a peck on the nose/ Anyway, betcha' I'll scream louder than you.

Boromir: I hold the bet. Loser buys the tickets to the House of Horrors.

Julie: You're on! ...Hey, look! We're next!

Eowyn: /scrambles ahead and grabs a seat close to the 'happy couple'/ I'm going to die...

**As the 'Thing' starts to roll and the first screams are heard, the image fades to a quiet pond, where Gollum and Gollumna are both perched on the same rock and eating the same fish. Nearby, Rosie Gamgee is reading a magazine. **

Rosie: /looks up at the camera, somewhat surprised/ What? There's nothing to see here, just... these two... eating fish... and...

Gollum: Will you kiss us, precious?

Gollumna: Only if you catches us another fish, precious!

Gollum: /folds his arms/ Kiss first.

Gollumna: No.

Gollum: No kiss - no fish.

Gollumna: All right, precious! But you must promise us that you catches us some tasty, little fish!

Rosie: /rolls her eyes/ I am _so_ sick and tired of all this.

Anastacia: /from somewhere in the distance/ I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired...

Rosie: /promptly bangs her head on a tree trunk/

**Since our two Gollums are probably going to go through the same 'Catch-us-fish / Kiss-us-first' routine (ew...), it's time to move on to a large fast-food, with our rezident crazy fan, Omega, and the Queen of Lorien, Galadriel, seated at a table, each with their own share of chips and paper glass of Coca-Cola in front. At the buffet, Odeena is devouring a large hamburger. **

Odeena: What...? I haven't eaten anything today, and that hot chocolate at the restaurant cost me a fortune!

Omega: /affectionately strokes his Pen of Doom/ And with that, I wrote my very first fanfic, and I became one of the most popular humor authors ever.

Galadriel: /takes a sip out of her Cola/ That's nice... You know, I write, too.

Omega: Really? What do you write?

Galadriel: /bites her lip/ Well, let's see... Modern poetry, dark poetry, classic poetry, poetry that rhymes, romantic poetry, erotic poetry...

Omega: /raises an eyebrow/ ...For short, you write poetry. Right?

Galadriel: Yep.

Omega: I should've known...

Galadriel: Oh, here comes inspiration for one now! /takes out a little notepad and reaches for Omega's pen/ May I...?

Omega: Erm... I don't know... There could be dire consequences if you use this. It only listens to me, you know...

Galadriel: Oh, come on! Please...?

Omega: /sigh/ All right... But just this once. /aside/ You'd think that elven ladies would be a little more subtle with their magic when they try to convince someone.

Odeena: This is going to be interesting! /gulps down what's left of her sandwich, then sneaks up behind Galadriel and reads over her shoulder/ _The clouds are gray / The sky is blue / I wish you'd stay / And our love'd be true. _/shudders/ That's is SO girly! My evil sister could've wrote that!

Laurie: /pulls Odeena's sleeve with an innocent smile/ Hi sis!

Odeena: Aah! /dives under a table and pulls Laurie with her just before Omega and Galadriel get a chance to see them/ What are you doing here?

Laurie: /sweetly/ I came to bring you a letter! /holds up a perfumed pink envelope/

Odeena: /takes it/ Eww! Who could've-- /starts/ Paul! /accidentally bangs her head on the table above/ Oww...

Laurie: /chuckles, then disappears with a 'Poof!' and a sprinkle of pink dust./

Odeena: /rubs her forehead/ I am _so_ going to kill my little sister when this will be over...

End of part two

_Author's Note: First off - I am not dead. Yes, I know, I haven't updated in bloody ages... The thing is, I've had many, many things on my head these past few months, and so I've hardly had any time to write at all. From now on, I have slightly more free time, and so I cross my heart and give you my word that I will try to update at least one of my fanfics every week. Thank you for bearing with me, and I hope I won't let you down! And now for the review responses:_

_**shiny-chan **- Thank you! You will appear in the third part of the Interlude, which will present all the hobbies on a date... :)_

_**PirateAngel** - Well, as far as I'm concerned, Frodo is the definition of cute... :)_

_**Terreis** - Let me just start by saying that you are one lucky girl. A personalized autographed picture of Craig Parker... /sigh/ I know several persons who might do anything for one of those. Including myself... :) Anyway, thanks for Daniel. He had loads of fun, although he's been with me more than just one week... /blush/ Do you still want him back?_

_**Kekelina** - Aw, relax, they aren't going to do that. Remember I'm still watching over them, and I have several TTs (Terrible Threats) that I keep in reserve, just in case... :)_

_**hornofgondor2** - Me: Cookies! /grabs the tray and runs off, then shouts from the distance/ Thank you! /munch munch burp/  
Boromir: /rolls eyes/ And she tells me to act my age. _

_**midnitest4rz** - Well, I'll do my best to portray you the way you want :) And sorry for the long wait. _

_**Daeiz** - My motto is, 'Everything for the fans'. If my fans wanted this interlude, then what was I to do...? :)_

_**Mercury Gray - **Domo arigato. (i.e. Thank you very much :))_

_**spastikLeggyluver** - /bangs head on the keyboard/ You sure know what you want... and even the kissing part... /sniff/ I'm jealous... yeah, right. When I get around to writing your part in all this, you'll get everything you requested. Until then, stay tuned! ;)_

_**ApocalypticPyro** - Well, what will happen in the dates depends on what the readers will request. I can't write too much for everyone, but I'll do my best to keep everyone happy... And thank you for the hints. Your date will be... an interesting one :)_

_**Filia Regalis** - Thankies! And sorry I took so long to update :( I'll do my best from now on ;)_

_**Crystalline4** - Hmm... If you say you own Faramir, you'd better get into an anti-atomic bunker soon. Before the legions of fangirls get you, that is :)_

_**Manwathiel - **Thank you. And I like your name! :)_

_**Araindil - **Aye, that conversation was pretty random. But I liked it anywayz :)_

_**Omega XSabre - **Wish granted!_

_**necromancer - **Yep... I'd blackout at that mental image, too._

_**Tamelia - **Thank you!_


	23. Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship G...

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship go steady! (Part three - The dates / 2)

** And now, it's time for that part of the Interlude that everybody's been waiting for. Get ready for -- **

Eowyn: ...And again, there was supposed to be a drumroll here, but never mind that...

Arwen: (sweetly) If you're supposed to do the drumroll thingy, then how about doing it _without_ complaining every step of the way?

Eowyn: I have to _do_ it. That doesn't mean I have to actually _like_ it, too.

Arwen: Oh, please.

** -- Do you mind? I'm trying to make an announcement here! **

Arwen & Eowyn: Sorry...

** As I was saying, get ready for - The Hot Elves On Date! **

Odeena: That's right! Now, we'll see how our resident heartbreakers are doing in entertaining their chosen dates. First off, we have Glorfindel and Neniriel. Live with them is Azalie, ready to let us in on what's going on.

** The image fades to a rock opera hall, with huge posters announcing the grand premiere for Dracula: The Musical littering the walls. An impressive crowd of fans are banging their heads to the beat as Azalie, also disguised as a rocker, is trying to get closer to Glorfindel and Neniriel. **

Azalie: (looks at the camera) Well, as you can see, things are pretty wild around here, and I'm ready to bet those two will have a nasty headache tomorrow morning.

** The image shakes a little, showing various shoes, braids and sweaty t-shirts. As it comes back into focus, we see a close-up of Glorfindel and Neniriel, banging their heads in unison. **

Neniriel: I'm getting dizzy here...

Glorfindel: That's the best part of it! (grins) Isn't it fab?

Neniriel: No, I think you missed the point... I'm getting _really_ dizzy here, see? (stumbles) I really have to sit down somewhere...

Glorfindel: (slightly disappointed) Okay then, we take a break. Lean on me.

Neniriel: (gratefully takes Glorfindel's arm for support) Well... the whole world is spinning around me... I feel like I'm going to drop... (gives Glorfindel the thumbs-up sign) I'm having a great time.

** The image fades to a weeping willow on the bank of a small pond. Haldir and Hish are sitting in the grass, both leaning against the trunk of the willow. Between them is a a bottle of Pepsi Twist with a photo of Enrique Iglesias on the label. Eowyn is spying on the duo from directly above - in other words, hanging from a thick branch of the willow. **

Eowyn: (aside) I knew those fitness sessions were going to pay someday, but this is not exactly what I had in mind... (sigh)

Hish: (giggles) I had no idea you were that much fun to talk to. And we have so many things in common! For instance - I'm addicted to coffee, and now I find _you'_re addicted to coffee as well. I like to make fun of everything, and so do you.

Haldir: My name starts with 'H', and so does yours.

Hish: Yup, that's also true. (runs a hand through her hair) This place is really cool... I wish we could stay here for... well, forever.

** As Haldir opens his mouth to answer, a loud creak is heard somewhere above, followed by a muttered 'Oh, no...' - and then, by a loud yell as Eowyn comes crashing down and lands in the grass just inches from the stunned elf. **

Haldir: (rhetorically) It's raining maidens. Yep, it's all clear to me now: the end of the world is coming.

Eowyn: (muffled) Elves can be so dumb sometimes...

Hish: Wait, I know that voice. You're--

Eowyn: (gets up) Well, since it's equally obvious that you know me and I know you, I won't be bothering you two anymore, so I'll be gone now. Bye-bye!

** And before either Hish or Haldir can say anything, Eowyn storms off, muttering curses about 'stupid willow trees' and 'lousy assignments' all the way. As for our two datees... **

Haldir: (clears his throat) So... where were we?

Hish: Well... I was saying that we could stay here forever. This has to be the best day of my life so far...

** The image fades out, and then shifts to a pretty large movie theatre. Up in the last row, Pyro is sitting in between Rumil and Orophim. All three of them have their popcorn bags and paper glasses of Cola and seem to be having a great time. A few seats to the left, Arwen is working on her make-up, and seemingly ignoring everything else. **

Arwen: (obviously bored) Here's what happened on this date so far. In the beginning, they did the usual typical-for-a-first-date chit-chat. After that, they settled down to watch the movie and stuffed themselves with popcorn and Cola. At one point, Orophim and Rumil started a food fight, and they were just short of being kicked out by the usher. And that's that. (yawns) This movie is terrible...

Random guy watching the movie: Hey shut up back there! We're trying to watch a movie here!

Arwen: (raises an eyebrow) Who'd want to watch such a crappy thing?

Another guy watching the movie: Dude, you're, like, totally out, y'know what I mean? This is, like, the most ballistic movie of that Vin Diesel dude ever!

Arwen: (sighs and shakes her head) You guys are _so_ lame...

Orophim: (looks sideways at Arwen) I could've bet she was going to follow us...

Rumil: (leans forward and tries to see in the dark) Who?

Orophim: (points to his left, to a very annoyed-looking Arwen) Her.

Rumil: Oh, right!

Pyro: Who?

Rumil: Our sister, Arwen.

Yet another guy watching the movie: If you don't shut up back there, I swear to whatever lives down there that I'll come over and _make_ you shut up!

Second guy watching the movie: Dude, that line was, like, so cool!

Orophim: (sigh) Now comes the part where my sister gets chased out by an angry mob of fans. It's happened before...

Pyro: (tries very, very hard to stifle a giggle) I can picture that out.

** Meanwhile, in a slightly more conventional location - i.e., yet another expensive restaurant - Kendria and Elrohir are enjoying a quiet lunch together. The tips of Elrohir's ears are getting redder by the minute as the elf tries very, very hard to make a decent conversation partner. At another table, Odeena is scribbling something on a notepad. In front of her is a steaming cup of hot chocolate. **

Odeena: Not now... I've got to write this down before I forget it... Just film the lovebirds, they've got some pretty interesting things going on...

Elrohir: So... you're saying that... you like to... err, write?

Kendria: Yup. You see, writing is like some sort of a therapy for me. For instance... (sighs) Well, to tell you the truth, I used to feel pretty nervous about this whole going out thing. And since I had no other idea on how to get over that, I thought of writing you a poem.

Elrohir: You... did?

Kendria: Uh-huh. (takes out a piece of paper) Here it is. (hands him the paper) Sorry I don't read it out loud, but I forgot my glasses at home, and I can't see very well without them.

Odeena: (voice over) Don't believe that, folks. It's just a typical excuse for the too-shy-to-read-the-stuff-you-wrote-aloud type. (thinks) That was a long compound noun, wasn't it...? (grins)

Elrohir: (takes the paper) Wow... thanks! Err...

Kendria: ...Your hands are shaking.

Elrohir: (blushes a little) They are... You see, I'm a little nervous, too.

Kendria: (puts her hand over Elrohir's and grins at the elf's surprised start) Don't worry, I'm not going to bite you or anything. Just read it, okay?

Elrohir: (sighs as the blush begins to fade away) Okay. (begins to read)

Odeena: (voice over again) If that's not romance, I'm not a writer. And that says a lot.

Elrohir: It's... very nice, thanks. Can I keep it?

Kendria: (smiles) Sure thing. (takes up her glass of champagne) Cheers!

Elrohir: (smiles back) Cheers!

** Moving on, Morwen de Cearo and Elladan have chosen a slightly more interesting place for their date. Seeing as elves are usually fascinated by the sea, Elladan has invited Morwen to a long stroll on the beach. The camera follows a long set of footprints in the sand until it finally zooms in on the two, who seem to be deeply engaged in conversation. Rosie Gamgee, disguised as a fisherman, follows them in a row boat at a distance. **

Morwen: So... is it true that, in the past, elves used to be able to sail to their Eternal Lands if they wanted to?

Elladan: Yes. As a matter of fact, they can still do that.

Morwen: So, if you wanted to leave, then all you'd have to do would be to hop in a boat and set sail?

Elladan: Well, it's not that simple. It is said that, to the first-born children of Ilùvatar - that is, the elves - the path will appear to be straight and easy to follow. But sometimes, our people did not manage to find the way.

Morwen: (fascinated) And what happened to them?

Elladan: (sighs) No-one knows for sure... Some ships went around the world and came back to the starting point of their journey without finding the way. Others simply disappeared.

Morwen: I see... (sighs as well) But let's not talk about it any more. It's pretty depressive, isn't it?

Elladan: Yes, I'd say it is.

Morwen: (smiles mischievously) Say, can elves swim?

Elladan: Well... sometimes...

Morwen: Great. Can you swim?

Elladan: I've never tried, but--

Morwen: Try it now!

Elladan: Now? But--

Morwen: Come on! It's going to be fun! (grabs Elladan's hand and pulls him into the water)

Elladan: But-- but--

Morwen: (turns to glare at him, hands on her hips) _But _what?

Elladan: My hair is going to get wet!

Morwen: (rolls her eyes) Oh, _ please_...

Rosie: (who has been watching the entire scene through a pair of binoculars) This is getting interesting... (giggles as Morwen splashes the elf and then swims away) I wish I could swim... Good thing I've got a life jacket.

Elladan: (from the distance) All right, you, get back here! Nobody does that to _me_ and gets away!

End of part three

_Author's Note: High school is evil. Evil, I tell you. And my part-time job is getting more and more demanding by the week. However, the third part of the Interlude is finally here! (does a victory dance, Kurt Wagner style) For those of you who didn't appear in this part, don't worry - there's still one more part to come, and you _ will_ get to see your date in the end! I hope you liked this one! Pretty please review! As for the review responses..._

_**kalathetrumpeter** - The dates for all the hobbits will appear in the third and final part of the Interlude, so don't worry - you'll get to see your date. (wink) And I'm happy that your computer behaves now :)_

_**ApocalypticPyro ** -Well, in the end, I had to... improvise a bit about your date, since this fic is rated PG-13, after all, and therefore alcohol and things that derive from too much of it wouldn't be that suitable for young readers. Originally, I had your part written like that, but after that I changed my mind. I hope you like what came out... if not, feel free to grab a torch and a scythe, raise a mob and come after me :)_

_**Laer4572** - Hi there! First of all, thank you for reviewing. Haldir's story will come up after the next part of the Interlude (I think)... and yes, the elf and I will definitely be in trouble. But I don't want to give any of it away just yet! _

_**Kekelina **- First off, congrats for your Christmas present (although it's a little late for that, but still - all the LotR movies... that sounds really great!). I know how it feels like... I have all of them on VCD and I've seen each at least three times. The Gollum / Gollumna thingie was inspired by the nick of the... girl (?) who asked to date with the little fish-eater, sorry if it was a bit disgusting. (Although even Gollum should get a girl in the end! After all, he _ is_ kinda cute sometimes... nah, I'm just kidding there ). But what else could I have them do...? :)_

_**hornofgondor2** - Oh... I can't believe I got the nickname wrong yet again. Please forgive me... To make amends, you can have Boromir for at least a... no, wait, you're already the official owner of Boromir. Dang! Anyway, I hope you'll forgive this little mishap. Won't happen again! And thanks for the Christmas presents! Oh, and the Fellowship say 'Thank you', too :)_

_**Terreis** - Yup, mental images are fun! And believe me, Elrond's eyebrows _ can_ hypnotize. When I saw FotR for the first time, at one point, I was kinda just lost and staring at his Eyebrows of Doom... and I'm _ not_ kidding. And thank you for your lovely gift! (hugs Daniel Jackson) I love you, Danny!  
Legolas: (rolls eyes) Women..._

_**Sarah - ** Well, you're a little late, but since Merry doesn't seem to be taken by anyone, he's all yours! (If I'm wrong, please let me know...)._

_**Araindil - ** Thank you! And I love your new nickname, too! _

_**midnitest4rZ** - I made a wow to update at least one of my stories every week, so you shouldn't worry about that . And... you want to throw a party in my honor? (teardrop forms) Thank you! (hugs midnitest4rZ)_

_**Omega XSabre** - If you mean whether I'm a member on the forums at , no, I'm not... I hardly have any time to do all the things that I must do in real life, so I couldn't post that often. Maybe later... in the summer or something. And about your other question - why don't I quit - well, I can't quit because I can't disappoint all my readers here and simply walk away. Admittedly, the staff at are pretty much jerks since they have dumb restrictions (i.e. no script stories, no lists etc.) and I bet they don't care too much about the stories posted here, either, but... if they don't care, that doesn't mean that we - the authors and the readers - don't care. I hope you could see my story in the end... If not, check it out on my new site, Nevermore (at http:odeena-skywalker.tk ) ;)_

_**spastikleggyluver** - Glad to see you reviewed in the end! Since you want to kiss the elf so much... (thinks) I guess just one kiss wouldn't hurt, but you'll have to face a very jealous me afterwards :) If that's OK, then you can--  
Legolas: Hold on! Don't I have a word to say in all this?  
No. Go back to my homework.  
Legolas: (grumbles, but does as he's told)  
See? Rest asured, you'll have what you want ._


	24. Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship G

** e sThe Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship go steady! (Part four - The dates / 4)

** Coming up after the break, the fourth and last part of this Interlude **

Eowyn: (is busy munching a sandwich)

** _Ahem_. As I was saying, coming up after the break, the fourth and last part of this Interlude **

Arwen: (elbows Eowyn)

Eowyn: (with her mouth full) What?

Arwen: (whispers) Do the drumroll!

Eowyn: Do you _mind_? I'm on lunch break!

Arwen: (rolls her eyes)

** Never mind the drumroll... (cough) Coming up after the break, the fourth and last part of this Interlude - Jealous Girlfriends Galore! **

Arwen: (fuming) You bet on that!

Odeena: But first, a little word from our sponsor, Saruman...

Saruman (voiceover): Wait, I can't find my lines... For the love of Sauron, who stole my script? Has anyone seen it?

Random Uruk-Hai extra (voiceover): Me think me see slimy Gollum eat papers this morning.

Saruman: (utterly annoyed) Uruk-Hai were never meant to _think_... (desperate) Where the bloody hell is my script?

Gollum: (after a brief moment of silence) We wants more tasty papers, Precious!

Saruman: _You_! Take that! And this! And that! (Saruman's voice fades out as an avalanche of poofs, booms, fizzes and desperate screams insures)

Odeena: Well, so much for Saruman's little speech... Poor guy. He worked for two days on that thing.

Arwen: (sarcastically) You're breaking my heart.

Eowyn: You have a heart? Where do you keep it? In the freezer?

Arwen: (sticks tongue out at Eowyn)

Odeena: (deliberately ignores both Arwen and Eowyn) Okay then - let's get it on!

** Fade out **

** After a couple minutes, the image fades to a small tavern in the Shire. Heaven Leigh Casteel the 2nd (Heaven for short) and Peregrin Took (better known as Pippin, or Pip for short), both holding a mug of ale, are chattering animatedly. A few tables away, Azalie is drumming her fingers on the table distractedly and glaring at the waiter from time to time. **

Azalie: (annoyed) This guy doesn't even know I exist... It's been half an hour already! Where the heck is are my mushrooms? (notices the camera) Oh, hi there... As you can see, these two are just sitting there, chatting and drinking, nothing to it... Oh yeah, and Pip tried to take her hand once, but he had to give up because he was turning redder than Porto wine. And so...

Just then, Pippin finally makes his move and puts his hand over Heaven's.

Azalie: (rolls her eyes) Geez, for a moment there I thought he was going to wait until the next eve to do it...

Heaven: (smiles) Well now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Pippin: (encouraged) N... nope, not... not really.

Heaven: All right then. Where were we...?

Azalie: (disappointed) That's all there is to it? For the love of Pete, Pinky and Paul, that is SO

Waiter: (clears his throat) Your mushrooms...

Azalie: ...Oh. About time! (glares at the bowl) Um... where's my fork?

Waiter: You don't need a fork for mushrooms! You just dig in!

Azalie: With my _hands_?

Waiter: (nods enthusiastically) Well, I'll leave you then - got lots of other folks to take care of. (skips off)

Azalie: Okay... (picks a mushroom and eats it, then makes a grimace) ...Gosh... that's just... the worst thing... I've ever had... Waiter!

Waiter: (skips back) What can I get you?

Azalie: (looking miserable) Get me a mug of water... and do it quick, before I lose my cool and maim you.

Waiter: (tries to say something, but then changes his mind and skips off again)

Azalie: And to think I waited _ half an hour_ for this abomination!

** As the waiter returns, the image fades away and is replaced by a noisy street. Linwe is pacing up and down, looking at her watch from time to time. Around the corner, Odeena is pretending to be reading the paper. **

Linwe: (sigh) He's late... Or maybe he's not coming at all! (sniffs) What if he's not coming at all? (takes a deep breath) All right, girl. Calm down. Everything is going to be all right. Got it? Everything is going to be

Frodo: (timidly) Hi...

Linwe: (starts and turns around) Hi there... what took you so long? I was really starting to worry, you know...

Frodo: Well... it's a bit complicated. You see, I was counting on Boromir to give me a lift, but then he told me he couldn't do it any more because he had to go pick up his girlfriend instead.

Linwe: (slightly surprised) Boromir has a girlfriend? That's news... I mean, I knew he was going out with a fangirl, but...

Frodo: Yup, but he and Julie seem to be going steady.

Odeena: (takes a long glance at Frodo around the corner) You don't say...

Frodo: But anyway... (holds out a large bunch of lilies) I had Sam teach me how to grow these just for you. I hope you like them.

Linwe: (takes the flowers and blushes slightly) Wow... thanks! They're very sweet!

Frodo: (blushes as well) And... I was thinking we could have an ice-cream at the candy shop around the corner. After that, I could take you on a small boat-trip in a park nearby...

Linwe: Sounds good to me! (takes Frodo's hand) Let's go!

Odeena: Wait a second... Around the corner? Oh drat!

** The image fades out as Odeena hides her face behind the newspaper, while Frodo and Linwe walk past, holding hands. When the image fades back in, it shows a quiet yard, with a small picnic blanket set under a tree. Sam and Sarah are sitting on it and eating some cookies. A few paces away, from another tree, Rosie Gamgee is watching the two through a pair of military binoculars. **

Sarah: These cookies are really good. Who made them?

Sam: (grins) As a matter of fact... I did. You see, I had this new recipe I really wanted to try, and I thought this would be the perfect occasion.

Sarah: Well then, way to go! You are one great cook, you know that?

Sam: (blushes a little) Gee... thanks. My Rosie never told me that.

Rosie: (looks at the camera and shrugs) By my standards, he cooks worse than a fifty-year-old boot would, so what would be the point in lying to him?

Sam: (holds up a tray of mushrooms) Here, try some of these.

Sarah: (takes one) Okie-dokie... (eats it) It's good! Is this your recipe as well?

Sam: Actually, this was Merry's idea. He helped me cook them, too... and poked Pippin with a stick whenever he tried to nick something from the kitchen.

Sarah: (giggles) You don't say!

Rosie: (sighs and leans back against the tree trunk) Well, from the way things are looking, I suppose these two will just sit there and talk about food and other harmless things. (rubs her hands) My work here is done.

** However, in another corner of the city, another date is far from being that peaceful or harmless. Aragorn and Kekelina, who had chosen the Green Dragon as the place for their date, are dancing a slow blues together, while a fuming Arwen is barely kept down by Eowyn at the bar. **

Arwen: They're _way_ too close! Just look at that! And they're holding hands, too!

Eowyn: (worried) Calm down, people are starting to look at us!

Arwen: Don't you tell me to calm down! That's _my_ boyfriend on the line out there! Let me at her!

Eowyn: No way.

Arwen: (pleadingly) Come on, _ please_ let me at her? I won't hurt her... too bad... I promise!

Eowyn: (determined) No.

Arwen: Fine then... (sulks)

Meanwhile, unaware of the presence of either Arwen or Eowyn, Aragorn and Kekelina are enjoying themselves more than either of them want to admit.

Kekelina: Elessar?

Aragorn: Hmm?

Kekelina: (hugs Aragorn) I wish this dance would last forever...

Arwen: (hysterical) See? _See_? (bangs her head on the counter in front of her) Oh, I am _so _depressed...

Eowyn: (pats her on the head) There, there...

** The image fades out as 'Elessar' and Kekelina exchange a long and meaningful glance. As it fades back in one last time, we see Odeena, dressed in a black ninja outfit and hanging on a tree branch in front of a small glass window. Inside, SpastikLeggyluver and Legolas are sitting on a couch and drinking from their respective cups of coffee. **

Odeena: (looks at the camera) I'd say I'm sorry for Arwen, but then again, I'm infinitely more sorry for _me_. I guess I did fall for the elf in the end... I just hope he doesn't screw up. I really, really don't want to miss the chance of having SpastikLeggyluver as my personal slave. (grins evilly)

Inside...

SpastikLeggyluver: Want some cookies?

Legolas: Well... yes, I... guess I do...

SpastikLeggyluver: All righty then, hold on! I'm going to get some! (runs off)

Legolas: (takes out a crumpled paper from his pocket and reads it hurriedly) Step one... kiss her hand when you first meet her... done that. Step two, give her flowers - done that as well... Step three, compliment her on her room... step four, compliment her on her looks, clothes, jewelery etc... step five... _what_?

SpastikLeggyluver: I'm back!

Legolas: (hides the paper in his pocket) So I see...

SpastikLeggyluver: Here you go! (hands him a heart-shaped cookie)

Legolas: Well... thank you. Listen... you have a very beautiful room.

Odeena: (who has been watching and listening to the entire scene from outside, slaps her forehead and nearly loses her balance) Elf, that was so _lame_...

SpastikLeggyluver: Oh, it's no biggie... You should see it on an average day. That's when it looks really cool. You know, stuff scattered everywhere, lots of junk food, music booming in the speakers...

Legolas: I'm sure that's... interesting. And you have beautiful ear-rings, too.

Odeena: (rolls her eyes) So much for elven gallantry... I think it's obvious I bullied him into accepting the date, isn't it? (grins)

Legolas: (suddenly poetic) The way your eyes glisten and shine in the moonlight make my heart beat faster

Odeena: (annoyed) There's no moon out there, elf... just a light bulb...

Legolas: and I only wish to fall to my knees, to touch the fine imprints of your steps in the dust.

Odeena: What dust? I swear, you've really lost it this time...

Legolas: (falls to his knees) And here I do declaim my warmest feelings towards you...

Odeena: ...If he says it, I'll never talk to him again. (thinks) Wait... he's _supposed _to say it... drat.

Legolas: ..._Arwenamin_.

Odeena 'My lady'... that's not so bad. Good thing he didn't say 'I love you or something'. I'd lose it if he did that.

SpastikLeggyluver: Geez... I really, _really_ have no idea where that came from, but...

Legolas: (stands up) Say no more! (hugs SpastikLeggyluver and gives her a romantic kiss)

Odeena: (bites her lips) Argh... Not like _that_, elf! You were supposed to _ask_ first! I swear, of all the stupid, idiotic(hears a loud creak) what theoh no.

** Conveniently enough, the branch that Odeena has been hanging from the whole time gives in, and our authoress crashes down with a muffled scream. Luckily, there is a pretty big mound of leaves gathered under the tree, so the fall causes no permanent damage. **

Odeena: Ouch...

Eowyn: (pops out of nowhere) For one last time - insert drumrolls here. That's it, I quit this job. I'm going to take a long vacation in Hawaii... (pops away)

Odeena: (gets up with a grimace) That's all, folks! This is the end of our whacked-out dates. We hoped you enjoyed the show, and... well, that's that. (mutters) I think I've got a twig in my ear...

End of Interlude

_Author's Note: Looking back at my previous chapters, I realized I __ totally forgot about that '250th reviewer' thing. (Anime sweat drop forms) I'm really, really sorry about that... so... to make amends, I'll just say this: ** lucky reviewer number 300 (and I **_**mean_ it this time!) will have the honor of receiving either a one-chapter story as a request from me, or a cameo in one of my fanfics_**_. Again, sorry about the miss-up - sometimes I have a terrible memory... Oh well, on with the review responses! _

_**kalathetrumpeter** - Thankies! _

_**Lendlaer** - Well, welcome back! Glad you liked the chapter, and check out 'The Ring Goes To Italy', you'll have a major part there! (By the way, you and ApocalypticPyro have to decide which members of the fellowship you want to take to your homes respectively... :))._

_**Manwathiel** - The only 'official owner' is Julia, who won Boromir, fair and square, in the 'Who owns Boromir' interlude. I'd love to give the elf to you... only... he's kind of attached to me at the moment, sorry :P_

_**spastikleggyluver** - Well, you didn't have to handle an angry me after all... thank the branch lol. I hope you liked your date! _

_**Legolas's Girl 9** - Sorry, but spastikleggyluver had chosen Legolas long before you did... Anyway, I'm glad you did review in the end And here's a tip: if you don't want to receive spam because you type your e-mail, just write it like this: yournamesomething. . Believe me, it works! _

_**ApocalypticPyro** - Yup, Riddick definitely rocks Sorry I can't e-mail you the original idea, but I wrote it on a scrap of paper (like I write most my drafts), and I threw it away after that... :( By the way, check out 'The Ring Goes To Italy' as well... you've got to decide which characters of the Fellowship you'll take to your home _

_**Laer4572** - Thanks! I hope you didn't have to wait for too long..._

_**hornofgondor2** - Glad to see you and Boromir are still going strong. grins Sorry it took me a while to update. Real-life is evil, and school contests are eating up nearly all my free time now..._

_**Silraana** - Yup! Just as soon as an idea for another Interlude pops in my head, I'll announce it! So far though, my inspiration has been a blank... :P_

_**Morwen de Cearo** - Thank you! I had to improvise a bit on your date... but I'm glad you liked what came out. Huggies! _

_**Araindil** - Thanks! To be honest, I had lots of evil ideas for the stalkers, but I had to leave most of them out because the main focus of the dates had to be the datees, not the stalkers... _

_**Faeruvan** - is confused I didn't remember Eowyn's family relations very well... sorry if I screwed up... (sweatdrop) '_

_**hish** - Yup, sadly, this 'fic is only rated PG-13... You like Gollum and Gollumna? I'll just have to tell them the news! Although I have to dig them out from my fridge first... they've been stuffing themselves with everything they could find since their appearance in this Interlude. Those guys have absolutely no table manners... (sigh) I guess that's what I get for having so many characters around. . _

_**Crystalline4** - Thankies! _


	25. The tale of an unusual romance

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 15: The tale of an unusual romance

Haldir stood up and did a complete turn, peeking at everyone in the process. Then, he coughed. He obviously seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting, because he rubbed his chin as if in deep thought, sighed, blinked, sighed again, and finally, just as Boromir and several others were about to burst into giggles, he bowed.

"First of all, I'd like to know if there is anyone here who knows Aikido."

A stunned silence followed. _ That_ had been unexpected. After a few moments, Gollum threw his hands in the air and began to bounce up and down, shouting, "We do! We do, Preciouss!"

"Geez, wouldn't have seen that coming..." Legolas muttered with a sigh. "Took him a while to 'process the request', as you mortals say, didn't -- ow! What did I do?" he asked, looking utterly miserable and rubbing his shoulder.

"Don't - _ever_ - say _ that_ word in front of me again", I hissed back, "or I'll punch you again, and this time I won't hold back."

"Sorry..."

"You should be."

Meanwhile, Gollum had gotten tired of playing Humpty Dumpty and went back to his place as if nothing had happened. Haldir rolled his eyes. "Well? Ayone...?"

Aragorn raised his hand, "I know some martial arts, but I'm not sure if it's Aikido, or just--"

"It doesn't matter", Haldir cut in. "Anything will do... for a while", he added quizzically, casting a quick glance at me and the elf.

"But what do you need it for?" Arwen asked. "Did you decide to get slim all of a sudden? If so, I can be your fitness instructor, and--"

"I'd rather dine with a balrog", Haldir stated matter-of-factly. Arwen crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at her, which caused everyone to burst into giggles. Finally, after things settled down, Boromir calmly raised his hand. "Are you going to start this century?" he asked, as innocently as he could. "Because if you aren't, I'm going to go get myself a little snack..."

"As I was saying", Haldir resumed, looking slightly offended, "I asked this because, after I read my story, I'll need at least one bodyguard. Or two. Or five. The more the merrier - that's the saying, right?"

"Aw, c'mon, surely it isn't _ that_ bad? Or... is it?" Boromir asked hopefully.

"No idea", Haldir answered, shrugging his shoulders. "But it's better to be safe than sorry, right? This reminds me of another human saying, that goes--"

"Just get on with it, elf..." I cut in, rolling my eyes. "I'll see if I flay you or behead you afterwards."

"See?" Haldir whimpered. "All right then..." He sighed dramatically. "Here we go."

_The tale of an unusual romance_

"I like the title", Boromir whispered with a large grin.

I threw a pillow at him, "Shut up."

_I'd been living with them - of course, you know who I'm talking about... - for some time now, and yet I couldn't figure any logic in what was going on for the world. _

_At first, they couldn't stand each other. She missed no opportunity to call him, 'Preppy Elven dandy', 'Chick magnet', 'Mister Vanity', or anything of the sort. On the other hand, he was more than annoyed at what he deemed 'a disrespectful and logic-defying attitude'. At that time, she was interested in a particular man - whose name I will not divulge for the sake of my own safety._

"What's he talking about?" Boromir asked, raising his eyebrows in my direction.

"Dunno", I answered half-heartedly. I had no idea how the elf had found out about _that_, but I was going to make him _pay_. Big time.

_But the, something mysterious occurred, and all of a sudden he seemed to be slightly interested in her._

"What?" I whispered, dumbstruck. "I had no idea about--"

Next to me, the elf chocked.

_It could have been her rebellious attitude, her beautiful voice, her new leather mini-skirt, or all of the three combined. But the certainty is that be began to watch her more closely, and the more he saw, the more he wanted to see._

"_That_ didn't happen", Legolas muttered. "Well, not that way, anyway..."

_And one night, cane the kiss that would change everything._

There was a collective gasp of surprise from the audience, and a miserable whimper from the elf. I patted him on the back comfortingly. "Don't worry", I whispered. "He'll suffer in the end. That, I promise you."

_Although the reasons which had lead to it clearly had nothing to do with romance, but rather with a bargain that had something to do with embarrassing fanfics and Odeena's evil little sister_. _After this kiss - which was said to be dreamy for both - they grew fond of each other, and have been together ever since._

_One might thing that this is where the story ends. However, there are still several things to be said. For instance, did you know that this had been Legolas' second true kiss? The first lucky lady had been--_

"STOP!" Legolas shouted, bolting up. "You swore you'd never tell! Her father would kill me if--"

_--a dark maiden from Rivendell, whose name I will not give away because I swore I never would and her father would kill the elf if he found out. On the other hand, this had also been Odeena's first enjoyable kiss, after--_

"Say a word about you-know-who, and you'll be covered in pink bouncing elephants before you can say 'Balrog'", I advised calmly, although I was fuming inside.

_--several unhappy experiences with a certain 'you-know-who'. And finally... I bet no-one knows that I was actually there and I saw the whole thing... Many thanks go to he-knows-who for lending me his Ring._

"That's it!" I shouted.

_The end._

I jumped to my feet and tackled down Haldir - or rather, tried to tackle him, and ended up crashing on the floor, face first. Everyone else roared with laughter. Trying to preserve whatever little dignity I had left, I stood up, pretended to brush off the dust from my clothes, and then glared daggers at the elf. He didn't seem to be too impressed.

The usual cheers and applauses followed, while Haldir took several exaggerated bows. Finally, he got bored of all that and went back to his place with a smirk.

"Fine, elf", I muttered, resuming my story where I had left it. I had normally intended to write something funny and embarrassing about Legolas, but Haldir had _really_ asked for it. "This means war. And _you_ are going to lose it."

"Told you so..." Haldir whimpered, looking at Aragorn helplessly. The man shrugged.

"All righty..." Faramir cut in, resuming his attributions. "Who wants to be--"

"Me!" I threw my hand in the air. "I'm almost done!"

"I'm almost done, too..." Merry muttered miserably. "But don't mind me... As always, ladies first..."

"You got _that_ right", Faramir answered. "All right then, you're next."

I grinned evilly and I rubbed my hands. "Haldir of Lorien", I muttered, "you're a dead elf."

_Author's Note: (evilly) Well, did you like the chapter? I hope you did, because the next one is going to be mayhem, and I really mean that. A certain elf is going to suffer... :)). Sorry for the long wait, and thanks for bearing with me. Thanks for reviewing go to:_

_**laer4572** - Nope, I didn't hurt myself when I fell... too badly :)). And I think that cookie had some sort of spell placed upon it..._

_**Heaven Leigh Casteel The 2nd** - Glad you do _

_**Legolas's Girl 9** - Well, we have two things in common then - we're both blonde, and we both hate geometry..._

_**Lendlaer** - Thankies! I hate school, too..._

_**ApocalypticPyro** - Domo arigato goasimasu (...that's how you spell it, right? ). I'll update the Italy story next. Stay tuned!_

_**Laer4572** (2) - Yup, I'm having lots of fun with this story! And the Fellowship hate me for it... Well, most of them anyway. (points to Boromir, who is wearing an 'I-love-you-Odeena' t-shirt) _

_**Manwathiel** - Thanks! _

_**hornofgondor2** - Real life is evil indeed... Imaginary life is way cooler. Ne? _

_**Kekelina** - Don't worry, I'll save you from Arwen! (holds up a Manowar t-shirt)  
Arwen: Aaaah! (covers her eyes and runs away screaming)  
Hehe... that ought to teach her a lesson. As for the elf... well, I think he's had enough lessons. For now _

_**Ciyen Navajo** - Well, usually, I do read my chapters twice... but some mistakes kinda just slip . Anyway, if you want Eomer, he's all yours! Just be sure to keep him away from your fridge... he has the biggest appetite I've ever seen. He even beats Sam and Merry... Thanks for reviewing!_

_**pestiset** - Sorry for the wait... again... and... Yay! Mushrooms! (grabs the mushrooms and runs away with random lines like, 'Mine! Mine! All mine! Mwahahahah! )_

**_PS: For news & updates on what's going on in my life and which 'fics I'm working on, check out my LiveJournal (you can find the link in my author profile). Huggies! _ **


	26. Haldir of Lorien's Bad Hair Day

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 16: Haldir's bad hair day 

To say that I wanted revenge on Haldir for his more-than-annoying story would have been an understatement. Haldir had a nasty habit of making fun of everyone else all the time. I'd sworn I'd get back at him for everything more than once; now, it was finally payback time.

"Why are you smirking like that...?"

I looked up from my clipboard and found myself staring into the questioning eyes of my would-be boyfriend (or elf-friend, if you will), Legolas. "Take a wild guess, elf", I answered with my best impression of a psychotic grin.

"Poor thing", Boromir cut in. "Are you really going to make him suffer _that_bad?"

"Well, if you mean 'bad', as in getting hit by an asteroid, zapped by a spaceship piloted by a green chick from outer space, trampled by a pack of raging elephants and devoured by the Nazi Hamsters of doom, you're still a parsec away from what I'm about to write."

A series of chuckles and giggles followed. Haldir shrug his shoulders in his characteristic 'I-don't-care' manner. I stuck my tongue out at him - an act which caused a few sniggers here and there - then resumed my writing, and silence descended once more.

As I was half-way through the last phrase, a random thought started to poke at my mind. I touched Legolas' arm lightly. "Um... Legolas? Can I ask you something?"

The elf blinkied at me in surprise for several seconds before nodding his head slowly. He had all reasons to be puzzled. Usually, I didn't call him by his name, but by some silly nickname, like 'elf', 'dandy', or anything of the sort.

"Who was the _dark maiden from Rivendell_ that Haldir was talking about?"

I could tell he hadn't expected that. "You just had to remind me about it, didn't you?" he sighed, shaking his head.

"Blame it on the elf", I answered with a shrug. "Well... the other elf, anyway. Who was she?"

"You don't want to know", he answered. "Believe me. You don't."

"Was it Arwen?"

He made a face. "Do you think me _that_ dumb?"

"Well, you tell me."

"No."

"Was it Arwen's sister?"

"No."

"Arwen's cousin? Second cousin? Best friend?"

"For the last time, I won't tell. Now will you please--"

"I'll force you to go out with my little sister if you don't tell me..."

He flinched. "Would you really have the heart to do that to me...?" he asked miserably.

"Yup. Besides, the whole thing was probably a few hundred years ago, so what difference does it make?"

"Actually, it was a lot more recent", Haldir cut in. "As in, about a month or so... Or was it two months?" He frowned in mock concentration. "But, as you said, it doesn't make any difference, since--"

"Shut up!" It was one of the rare times that Legolas was actually furious at someone. "Look", he continued, leaning closer to me and lowering his voice, "if you really want to know about it, it _was_ Arwen, but it meant absolutely nothing. In fact, I wouldn't have even thought of it if it hadn't been for Haldir and his dumb bet..." He glared at Haldir menacingly, and then he leaned even closer. "Make him suffer", he whispered. "Please. Do it for me."

I nodded my head and winked. "All right, elf", I answered. "But just so you know... I'm disappointed. I thought you'd have better tastes than that."

He made a face. "I saw that coming..."

I shrugged once more before returning to my story. It didn't take long before I raised my hand and shouted, "Done!"

"All right then, you may begin", Faramir said emphatically, wheezing his eyebrows like the former leader of the Fellowship. "And... don't worry about the consequences. I'll be here to defend you if things get messy."

"Aragorn will kick your hide", Haldir said in a superior tone.

"Don't bet on it." Before Haldir could reply, Faramir nodded towards me. "Now, let's hear your story."

"All right then... Here we go."

_Haldir of Lorien's Bad Hair Day_

_To start with a universal fact, everyone knows that elves are extremely preoccupied by the way they look. After all, when you've got a whole eternity ahead of you, you have to make sure you've got good looks, or there's no point in living it at all. Given this fact, can any of you guess which is an elf's greatest fear? I'll give you a number of choices: A - a balrog, B - a legion of blood-thirsty Uruk-Hai, C - Sauron's armies of doom, or D - a bad hair day? All right, time's up! The right answer is -- D - a bad hair day. __To demonstrate this answer, let's observe Haldir of Lorien - an average, everyday elf - in such a situation. _

_Haldir's day starts just like any other one: waking up long before everybody else, he sets off to find whatever remains of junk food the other inhabitants of his house - in this case, the Fellowship of the Ring, Odeena and her two evil sisters - may have beft behind, so he can sate his ever-present hunger. Little did you know, that our elven dandy has a real passion for eating junk food. To compensate, he goes to a fitness club three times a week, but that's another fact that the general audience is not familiar with. _

_After a quick breakfast, Haldir goes to set up his usual traps and pranks. For those of you who are fortunate enough not to have lived under the same roof with the elf, they consist in toothpaste make-ups (one of his favorite targets is Arwen, who usually wakes up with an artisticly-drawn white moustache), shampoo tubes filled with shoe cream and other things of the sort. Finally, our elf gets ready to attend the morning's most important ritual - the shower._

_As you may know, hair is an elf's most precious possession. Each elf has a different type of hair, and therefore must buy his shampoo accordingly. Using adifferent kind of shampoo than the appropriate one can lead to dramatic consequences. So what happens if an elf runs out of his designated shampoo?_

_This is the very situation that Haldir suddenly finds himself into. At first, he doesn't panic. Slowly, he scans the other shampoo bottles scattered about. Although there are plenty tubes of "Happy Hair", "Mirkwood Breeze" or "Elrond of Rivendell's Magical Formula for Good-Looking Eyebrows (And Hair)", Haldir can't find a single piece of "Arwen's 'Hair Fatale'", which he commonly uses. It is then that Haldir begins to panic. He gets dressed, grabs a random baseball cap to cover his greasy and tangled scalp, and rushes out to find a shop where he can buy a new bottle of shampoo._

_As he treks through the streets, Haldir realizes that something is amiss. He takes off his cap and examins it. It is then that he figures he'd been wearing the very same cap that he had filled with mustard earlier that morning. The smell slowly begins to make itself knon, and Haldir makes a grimace. However, with little choice on what to do, he puts his cap back on, praying to whatever gods may be listening that he will find his shampoo soon._

_An hour goes by, and, much to his dismay, Haldir can't find "Arwen's 'Hair Fatale'" anywhere. Resigned, he returns home and decides to use "Elrond's Magical Formula etc." this time, and place an order for "Arwen's 'Hair Fatale'" on the Internet later that day. He takes a bottle of the aforementioned shampoo and begins to wash his hair. Big mistake! After a few minutes, he realizes he'd been using the very same shampoo that he had mixed with hairdye a few days ago. As a result, Haldir now has green hair._

_After cursing his own stupidity for a few minutes, Haldir puts on a random gown and quietly creeps up to Saruman's room, casually taking out the rubber snake he'd placed in the gown's left sleeve and hanging it on the doorknob of Arwen's door. As it is still early in the morning, Saruman is sleeping peacefully, and so it takes all of our elf's power of conviction to make the white wizard wake up._

_In a few words, Haldir explains his already desperate situation, and then asks Saruman to turn his hair back to its regular color. Still sleepy, the wizard nods and mutters a spell. Poof! Haldir now has a beautiful set of purple and red dreadlocks._

_Abashed, Saruman apologizes. It seems he used the wrong spell. He tries once more; this time, Haldir ends up with a pretty pink topknot. Saruman has used the wrong spell again._

_The third spell seems to have a slightly better effect. Haldir again has dreadlocks, but this time, they are blonde ones. One more spell, and Haldir's hair returns to normal, except for a bright pink lock that falls into his face. Saruman attempts yet another spell, but Haldir holds up his hand. He'd had enough._

_Next, our elf asks Saruman to change a random object - for instance, a pink bunny slipper that had somehow ended up in the room - into a bottle of "Arwen's 'Hair Fatale'". After a few unsuccessful tries, which cause the slipper to turn into: a toad, an older issue of 'The Sun', a cigarette, a Gollum plushie and the One Ring - Saruman finally manages to do as he was told. Haldir thanks him and takes his leave. He takes another shower, this time using the right shampoo, and then, deciding he'd had enough excitement for one day, he goes back to bed. _

_And so ends Haldir of Lorien's bad hair day. Of course, different elves may react differently. However, one central idea remains: a bad hair day is an elf's greatest fear. For those of you who don't believe me, feel free to call Elrond, Legolas, Glorfindel or any other hot elves you know at 1-800-HOTELVESCENTRAL. And... that's that._

_ The End _

I made a few bows to the cheers, and then I sat down next to Legolas. "I hope you've learned your lesson, elf", I asked, glaring at Haldir.

He made a face at me, but didn't answer. The cheers lasted for a few more minutes before Faramir held up his hand. "That was a good one", he said as the others settled down. "And now..."

"Can I read my story?" Merry cut in impatiently.

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "I bet it's about mushrooms..."

"It is! So... can I?"

Faramir grinned. "Sure you can. But first, I say we take a snack break." He grinned. "Who wants to order a pizza?"

_Author's Note: I... have no idea what to write / type here. I'm sorta brain dead, since I'd been staying with my grandparents for two days, and so I didn't have any reason to think about anything. My mind is still semi-lethargic (despite the huge amount of Cola I drank in the past hours), so I'll just say that I hope you liked this chapter - and if you did, please review. And now, for the review replies..._

**_Heaven Leigh Casteel The 2nd _**_ Well, I hope this chapter answered all your questions about the 'dark maiden from Rivendell'. As for her father... well, you know who that was, too. (grins) Thank you for reviewing!_

_**adele ** Thank you! Hope you read all the other chapters, and found them just as funny! (wink)_

_**Manwathiel** Well, he did suffer :-)) Hope you liked it!_

_**Ciyen Navajo **(sigh) I warned you about Eomer and food... Anyway, I recall I went out with Elladan in the woods once, so he could teach me how to shoot a bow. After about ten minutes, we got lost. I guess we both have a terrible sense of direction... and with you, that makes three. (grins) Welcome to the club!_

_**Legolas's Girl 9 ** Thanks! Well... actually, my hair is a brown-ish blonde (dunno if that makes sense). But, I hate geometry from the bottom of my black little heart . _

_**hornofgondor2 **Yup... Hooray for imaginary worlds! And yes, poor elf... but you'll have to admit he deserved it :P_

_**Laer4572** Try calling Boromir for T-shirts at 1-800-BIGBADB (by the way, he changed his number after some crazy stalker began to call him day in and day out)._

_**pestiset ** I don't know much about Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I came up with the next best / evil thing I could figure... lol._

_**Kekelina ** If it comes about embarrassing stories, I'm sure I'd have plenty to tell, so you should consider yourself lucky if you've only got one. Glad you like my story:)_


	27. Of Mushrooms

** The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!**

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 17: Of Mushrooms

The next fifteen minutes went on quite uneventfully, save for Gollum's very uninspired attempt to eat his clipboard and Boromir's even more uninspired idea of tackling him down in order to prevent him from doing it. However, things settled down immediately when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Merry and Pippin shouted in unison as they both bolted for the door. Sam motioned to get up and follow them, but fell back on his set of pillows with a small sigh, and even Frodo's ears seemed to perk up slightly in attention, although he made no other sign of acknowledging what was going on around him.

'He's writing again', Boromir mouthed in my direction after having taken a quick glance over the hobbit's shoulder. I just shrugged.

"I can't believe we're finally going to eat", Eowyn said suddenly. "My stomach was on the verge of starting a riot, you know..."

"Mine too", Elrohir said, beaming towards Eowyn. "But you can have my share, too, if that'll make you happy."

"Hey... Are you two flirting or something?" Boromir cut in. "Because if you are, know that you must ask my permission first. I hereby pronounce myself the Lord of the Flint... err... I mean, the Lord of the Flirt! ...I'm allowed to do that, aren't I?" he added, glancing at Faramir.

"If it makes you happy..." Faramir answered with a grin.

"All right then - as the Lord of the Flirt, I am more than ready to support you, Elrohir of Rivendell, in your brave attempt to--"

"Boromir, shut up", a very annoyed Eowyn cut in. "You're acting like a fifteen-year-old teenager who stumbled upon a dictionary."

The corners of Boromir's mouth dropped slightly. "I - am?"

"You _are_", Elrohir emphasized, which was quite uncharacteristic for him. "Besides, we weren't flirting. I was simply being courteous - which is one of the elementary virtues which distinguishes gentlemen, be them elves, men or dwarves, from common kin."

"Talk about dictionaries..." Legolas muttered in my ear. "I'm ready to bet Elrohir swallowed a whole rafter of them." I chuckled.

"I wonder what's taking those two so long", Faramir said suddenly, standing up. "They should've brought in the pizzas I ordered by now..." His voice dropped slightly. "I hope they didn't eat them all by themselves..." he said, more to himself.

"I'll go check on them", I said. I haven't realized it, but I was just as hungry as everyone else, and my mouth watered at the simple mention of the word 'pizza'. If those two had ran away with_ our _food, I would personally insure they got hell for it.

As I stepped into the hallway, I heard Merry's voice. Apparently, he was arguing with someone. "I told you, she's not at home", he said, as Pippin backed up with an enthusiastic chorus of 'That's right!' and 'It's true, I tell you!'.

"And where exactly is she?" a voice - a boy's voice, to be more precise - asked. At the sound of that voice, I flinched. I knew who it was.

"I can't tell you!" Merry said stubbornly.

I heaved a little sigh as I stepped up to the door. Sure enough, Paul was standing there. When he saw me, he started a little, and then threw a deadly glare at Merry and Pippin, who had both shrank behind me.

"Well, hello, Paul", I said as cold as I could. "What are you doing here?"

Paul pushed back his glasses - a gesture I knew all too well, which meant that he was nervous in the least - then coughed, and finally spoke, "Well, I brought you your chemistry homework."

"Wow - thanks", I answered unenthusiastically. "But you shouldn't have bothered. You know I don't know how to solve it."

Paul gave a short, nervous laugh. "Yeah, I know that... That's why... I sorta... solved it for you."

"You did, huh." My voice softened a little. "Well, thanks. And now, I suppose you can leave..."

"...Sure. If you need anything from me, just call."

"Uh-huh, I will". _ Actually, no, I won't. Just go away._

"Well then... bye."

"Bye." And before he could say anything else, I slammed the door and I leaned against it with a sigh. "Will this never end...?" I asked rhetorically, although I knew I was making a scene. But right then, I couldn't care less.

"Is that the infamous Paul?" Pippin asked after a few moments. I nodded.

"He gives me the creeps", Merry confessed in a low voice. "How could you two have ever been together?"

I shrugged, "Dunno. But that's through now. And I swear, if he ever comes back, I'll beat him with a stick. For real." _That_ was a lame threat, and I knew it, but I couldn't have thought of anything better for the moment.

Just as I was preparing to go back inside, there came another knock on the door. Immediately, Merry and Pippin rushed to the living room like there was no tomorrow. I sighed again, then I put on my best 'Go-away-or-die' look. Finally, I opened the door.

"Paul, what in the name of Sauron do you want now?" I practically yelled. Only after I had finished the sentence did it strike me that the the guy who stood in the doorframe was definitely not Paul, but a nice, peaceful delivery boy. "Umm... sorry, I thought you were someone else", I muttered as I did my best try at an innocent smile.

The guy just blinked, then held out a pile of pizza boxes. "That would be--"

I handed him a $50 bill - just about as much as I had in my pocked - then took the pizzas, thanked him and slammed the door shut once again. "_That_ was stupid", I muttered as I resisted a strong urge to bang my head against the wall.

As I entered the living room once again, I was greeted by a chorus of enthusiastic cheers. It took a while to share all the food around - and convince the hobbits that there could be no 'exceptions' or 'extra shares' for gourmands, chefs, ringbearers and mushroom addicts. Then, things got peaceful once again, and everyone settled down to eat.

"I never thought that human food would taste so good", Elrond said at one point.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, dad", Arwen interjected.

"You're doing it too, sweetheart", Boromir observed casually. "And you'll notice, I'm not. Does that make me a better educated person than you?"

"Just go and throw yourself in front of a bus..." Arwen sighed, rolling her eyes. Everyone else sniggered.

Finally, as everyone was done eating, Faramir very ceremoniously sent Gollum to dispatch the empty pizza boxes and used tissues outside, a task which Gollum seemed to be quite happy with. A few minutes after, everyone could hear him munching under the window.

"Well, that's that about him..." Galadriel observed. "At least the bad smell is gone. Honestly, doesn't he ever wash?"

"He does", I answered, tactfully omitting the fact that Gollum had a habit of singing under the shower when he did so. "So - Merry, will to read your story now?" I asked, raising my eyebrows towards Faramir as I spoke.

"Of course, you may proceed as you wish", Faramir said, doing his already perfect impression of Elrond. Everyone broke into fits of giggles once again.

"Good!" Merry said proudly. "All right then - 'ere we go!"

_Of Mushrooms_

_Of my many cousins, Peregrin Took, better known as Pippin - or Pip for short - is my absolute favorite guy. It's not just because of his funny accent, or weird hairstyle, or questionable fashion sense _(Pippin let out a sort of offended huff at that). _No. The reason I like Pip so much is because of his gruesome appetite for - that's right, you guessed it: mushrooms._

_This reminds me of a prank that Samwise Gamgee - or Sam - pulled on him a few years ago. It was near the end of spring. The weather had been quite fast-changing in the past few weeks; one day a cold rain poured down, while the next a bright and warm sun would shine in the cloudless sky. Our gardens were pretty much a gathering of grass and weeds, since it seemed that nothing could sprout in such a climate. However, Sam had manage to bring up - and eventually harvest - a few patches of wild mushrooms. Then, one day, day he called on us to come to his place to enjoy a specially-cooked dinner, featuring every kind of mushroom food imaginable, from mushroom soup to Sam's famous 'Cream and Butter Mushroom Surprise', or CBMS for short._

_Needless to say, all three of us ate until we felt that our stomachs would give in from the pressure. Then, we enjoyed some fine wine and lightened our pipes. All was as it should be. _

_But suddenly, Sam slapped his forehead as though he had remembered something. "Wait a second!" he said, jumping to his feet and literally throwing his chair backwards. "Pippin, which one of the Colored Candy Mushrooms did you eat?" (this was another of Sam's specialties). _

_"Um... the green one, I s'ppose... What's wrong?"_

_"The green one?" Sam repeated, as if dumbstruck. "The green one?" he then asked a bit louder. "Are you sure?"_

_"Yes, there's no doubt to it", Pippin answered with a shrug. "I ate the green one, you took the red one, and Merry got the yellow one and half of the blue one. Why's that?" _

_Sam blinked a few times, and then he sighed and shook his head. "Oh, no..." he muttered, seemingly to himself. "How could I have forgotten?"_

_"Forgotten what?" By now, Pippin was getting quite alarmed, although he did his best not to show it. "What is it? For goodness' sake, speak up!"_

_"The green one was..." Sam took a deep breath, and then all but breathed the word in, "Poison!"_

_"Poison!" Pippin stood up, his eyes wide. "You mean to tell me you gave me a - a _poisoned _Colored Candy Mushroom?"_

_Sam sank to his knees slowly and covered his face. I could see that he was grinning behind his cupped hands, and that reassured me a little. However, Pippin wasn't that observative. "But what in the world was a poisoned Colored Candy Mushroom doing on that plate of all things?"_

_"I meant to tell you not to touch that one..." By now, Sam was talking as though he were sobbing, although I could tell that they were fits of unstoppable giggles. "I'd made that one for farmer Shimple's dog... You know how I hate that mutt. But you - you reached out and took it before I could say a word, and--" At this point, his giggles cut his words off, and he did his best to pretend that he was crying. I decided to play along and I looked at Pip with a very concerned face. "What's going to happen to him, Sam?"_

_"Well... he's... he is...he is going to..."_

_"What? I am going to - what?" Pippin cut in impatiently. He was slightly paler now._

_"First... first, your face skin will turn purple, and you will lose your eyebrows and... and nose hair (I nearly broke out laughing at that one, but I bit my tongue and continued to pretend that I was deadly worried). Then, your toenails will begin to grow, and grow, and grow some more..."_

_"But I'm not going to die from it, am I?" Pip cut in hopefully, although he was positively horrified. _

_"I'm just getting to that..." Sam said in a wailing voice. "Then, your fingers will stick together, and your hands will become like those of a frog..." He stopped once again and coughed, in order to hide his growing amusement. And Pippin was falling for it wholly! I couldn't believe it._

_"It's all right, we can just cut them loose", I said, trying to sound reassuring (and failing miserably). _

_Pippin looked deeply distressed by now. "Really?" he asked in a small voice. "Can we do that?"_

_"No!" Sam cut in, raising his voice a little. "If you do... if you cut or hurt yourself in any way... your blood would be like acid and poison... and it would burn your skin away, and its miasma would kill everyone around you! You must not do that! And finally... finally..."_

_I could tell he ran out of ideas by the way he rubbed his forehead, even though most of his face was still covered by his hands. "Is there no remedy for this?" I asked, trying to give him a hand. _

_Sam picked up the thread immediately. "Yes, there is... In order to eliminate the effects of the poison, you must - you must find the highest house in the Shire, climb on top of its roof, wait for the sunrise, and then take off your clothes and shout like a rooster ten times in a row. Only then, will you survive."_

_I bit my tongue so hard I hurt myself. Surely, there was no way Pippin would fall for this--_

_--was there?_

_I changed my mind as Pippin bolted through the door, shouting a wild "Thank you, old friend!" along the way. Sam recovered immediately from his simulated grief and ran after him, although he moved considerably slower due to his nature on one hand, and the huge amounts of food he had consumed that night. It wasn't long before he gave up. _

_"Pip! Come back!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "I was just kidding! Pip? Are you out there?"_

_There was no reply._

_"Maybe he went back home", I said half-heartedly. "There was no way he could have really fallen for that trick..."_

_"Maybe..." Sam answered, not sounding too convinced himself. "You should be off, too."_

_"Right..."_

_We parted, and I returned straight home. I was getting sleepy, and I knew I couldn't do anything with a full stomach. I'd search for Pip the next day._

_I don't recall much of what happened afterwards. I know I somehow reached my home, and fell asleep immediately, not bothering to change my clothes or pull the covers aside. At one point, I remember one of my sisters coming in and shaking me gently. "Wake up", she said. "I've just heard the craziest thing..."_

_"Leave me alone", I muttered, turning around._

_"But you have to hear this! They say they found your cousin Peregrin on the roof of old Shimple's farm, and he was half undressed and raving like a lunatic about Samwise Gamgee and poisoned mushroom candy... They took him home and sent him to bed right away, although he kept shouting that he would die if he doesn't sing like a rooster at sunrise..."_

_I grinned to myself. 'All's well that ends well', I thought. And then, I fell asleep once again._

_/ The end /_

Needless to say, Merry's story had had all of us on the edge of our seats, pillows or couches, and as soon as he spoke the last words, everyone broke into the usual cheers and appreciations. Pippin, on the other hand, seemed none too happy about this. "You promised you'd never mention that to ANYONE!" he all but sobbed.

"Don't be embarrassed about it..." Haldir cut in. "Happened to me, too, once. There was this guy who was selling potions, and he mistook a deadly poison for a love potion... Thankfully, I never got around to giving it to the woman it was intended for."

"What happened?" Boromir cut in curiously.

"I tripped", Halrid confessed, seemingly embarrassed by the whole story. "The point is, it could happen to anyone, don't you agree?"

"Samwise is evil..." Pippin shot back.

"All right, let's leave it at that then", Faramir cut in with his now typical authority. "Who's next?"

"I'm done..." Sam said, putting up a hand timidly. "And my story won't be about mushrooms..." A fit of giggles came over most of us at that.

"All right then. You're next."

"That's a bright one, boss-boy..." Arwen said, rolling her eyes.

Faramir grinned proudly. "Sure, I bet it is -- wait a second, who are you calling 'boy'?"

"And here they go again..." Legolas sighed dramatically. "Some things never change..."

To Be Continued

_Author's Note:__ Wow... I know that this chapter's been in the works for bloody ages, but in the end, I'm finally happy with the way it came out. Once again, sorry for the long wait. I've been having some issues with real live (which are hopefully through and through now :)) - but I'm back, and I'm here to stay :) And now, for a very important announcement - the lucky **Reviewer No. 300** has been decided! **Kabuki733701**, you will receive either a cameo in one of my fics (you pick), or a custom one-shot 'fic written especially for you! Congratulations! Also, I have a big Thank You to all of you wonderful people who have reviewed this story so far. I love you guys! _

_...that was the end of my brief Oscar-style Thank You speech :)) On with the review responses..._

_**hornofgondor2 **- Thanks! You know, Haldir actually looked quite interesting with green hair... (sniggers) _

_**Kekelina** - I know what you mean... That kind of thing happened to me once, I wanted to dye my hair red and because of a stupid hairdressed it ended up blonde... I was totally freaked._

_**Legolas's Girl 9** - Thanks! I guess I can say I came up with an official catchphrase now... (grins)_

_**Manwathiel** - Well, I updated. Not that soon (sorry!), but - I updated nonetheless :) Thanks for reviewing!_

_**Pestiset** - Yup, Haldir pretty much learned his lesson now... He'll behave for a while. Or, at least, I hope so... for his sake (evil grin)_

_**adele** - Thanks! I hope the fact that this chapter is considerably longer than the others will atone for the fact that I updated after such a long time... (hides head under a paper bag)_

_**Laer4572** - Thank you! (Randomness: I'm still in a braindead phase now... it's 3 AM, and I'm just typing and typing and typing...)_

_**midnitest4rz** - It's OK :)_

_**Ciyen Navajo** - Okay... (dodges cotton balls) I'm an official member in your club now? Yay! (goes to show off her badge to the rest of the Fellowship)_

_**Kabuki733701** - Domo arigato gozaimasu - for ALL your reviews:)_

_**Orlando's Bloom **- (sigh) I didn't give up... Like I said, I had some issues with real life, and I've been through a difficult period (I guess you can call it a late puberty crisis... lol). I really hope that it won't happen again - to take so long to update, that is. Once again, sorry._

_**Candy Quackenbush** - Thanks! Your wish is my command! (bows)_

_**Vywien is me** - ...I did :) Thanks for the support!_


	28. Journey's End

**The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers - Journey's End**

_A letter to all my readers and reviewers_

...And no, this is not a new chapter. I have an important announcement to make, and I hope that not all of you readers out there will hate me after this. All right... here goes:

I'm nearly 18 now, and major responsibilities have taken over my life. I have a difficult graduation exam this year, after which I will have to worry about entering a prestigious university. Apart from that, I will publish a debut volume soon, and that alone is taking up nearly all my free time. Add six or seven hours of classes every day, and two to six hours dedicated to my job as well, and you'll see that I hardly have time to breathe any more... Therefore, I must sadly announce that I have given up writing any kind of fanfiction, at least for now. I have no idea when and if I'll start writing fandom stories again.

I deeply apologize to all of you who have been so patiently waiting for an update on one or more of my stories, and I wish good luck to all of you other talented writers out there... Also, I want to thank all the wonderful people who have supported me through out the last few years, both by reviewing here on and by sending me all kinds of encouraging e-mails. It really meant a lot to me to know that my stories are read and appreciated. Thanks, everyone.

And... that's about that. If you still have something to say, drop me a line - either at odeenarockstar at yahoo dot com or by reviewing.

Sincerely,

Odeena Skywalker


End file.
